Comment from --Turtle.

Excellent

I read this short piece Carol, nice setup... Interesting read. I was amused.

Sleep had become a luxury lately
(consider switching become to been?)


A young executive was relocating to the city, and had expressed interest in the property.
(what's the comma for?)

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010

turtle

I guess because YOU made me nervous about commas before and. LOL How am I suppose to know why I put it there!!!! Smiles, Carol

reply by --Turtle. on 09-Feb-2010

: 0 oh no,

I've gone and have you putting commas everywhere. :p and guess what... you have me trying to skip putting commas in places I would normally put them, getting me an occasional slap on the wrist ;p ,

Comment from Judith Ann

Excellent

A creative rendition for the prompt "innocently indecent". I am still smiling after finishing this story. So, did she end up as part of the deal? :-) I always enjoy how you are able to tell a story in so few words. You write very tight, not wasting a single word. I wanna write like that. Thank you, very well done. -Judy

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010

Judith

Awesome...Thanks for the compliments and for the generous review. I certainly appreciate when someone enjoys and compliments my work. Smiles, Carol

Comment from MJMuraco

Excellent

Your ending made me laugh out loud. You use great descriptive imagery to create the scene and when the prospective buyer looked into the master bedroom, I could just picture the whole scene. Great writing.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010

MJ

Visual in your mind makes the story come alive. I am so glad that you enjoyed. Smiles, Carol

Comment from RebelRose

Excellent

This is really cute. Very good imagery. I could almost feel how tired Becky was from your description. Good story and contest entry.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010

Patty,

Imagine the line that would be forming outside if the prospective male buyers heard about it...Smiles, Carol

Comment from Metal Head

Excellent

Once again you do not disappoint. In my short time here I've been impressed that you are able to maintain the standard you do.

One suggestion if I may. I'd have had the buyer look upon a naked Becky, her back to him, with the covers delicately posistioned so that her shapely back was fully exposed. I better stop now before I get carried away :-)

Regards

Michael D

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010

Michael,

Seems as if my writing has left you with a visual that stimulates more than the mind...Thanks for the generous review...Smiling at you, Carol

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi Begin Again,

A major Ooooops, I think in the selling of a house or home - always check the agent hasn't left a message! Good story, lovely, if embarrassing ending, and great descriptions.

Patrick

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010

Patrick,

Thank you for enjoying the story...She'd have a line of prospective buyers if the news got out...Smiles, Carol

Comment from Border Reiver

Excellent

Well done! Your idea for this prompt is well thought out. Poor Becky, how anyone can be expected to function after two consecutive 12 hour shifts is beyond me.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2010

Border Reiver

Glad you enjoyed the story...Yes, she was caught totally by surprise. Smiles, CArol

Comment from Connie P

Excellent

This is a great story. Innocently indecent for sure. It reminds me of a personal experience, except mine was not as potentially romantic.
Blessings,
Connie

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010

Connie,

Thanks so much for the kind review. I really appreciate your comments. Smiles, Carol

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello Carol,
now here is a story that makes one smile and wake them up if over tired.
I like how you son neatly lead us to the end of your story
with your scenes and great dialogue
Gert

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010

Gert

Glad you got a chuckle out of this one. Sure must have been a big surprise..lying there naked for all to see. smiles, Carol

reply by Gert sherwood on 09-Feb-2010

You are welcome Carol
Gert

Comment from fictionwriter

Excellent

how funny, I bet she was really embarassed. What a great little story. i've been so tired I didn't bother to undress. Great job

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2010

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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010

Joy,

Thanks for the kind review. Just got reviewed by the organizer...she says I should tell more about the house tour before getting right to the nitty gritty. I'm not sure exactly what she thinks it needs. Any ideas? Glad you enjoyed it! Carol

reply by fictionwriter on 09-Feb-2010

I think she wants you to describe the house as he's looking at it. The color of carpeting, the granite countertops, the color of the walls, etc. Something like a realator would tell you as your looking at the house. The amenities. Hope that helps. Joy

reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010

That's what I thought, but I couldn't figure out what that would add worthwhile to the story. Thanks!