Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "The Hatchet Man"A book of a mixture of stories
30 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
My stilettos played Dead Man Walking - I just love how that line creates the story's humorous mood while also explaining the situation
trying not to breath - breathe
I was dismissed - great last line since it does NOT mean she was fired - her great lie-filled excuse worked even though the guy was in a bad enough mood to fire the guy who showed up just before her - great humor, excellent dialogue - I love the series of mishaps which actually befall her and the lies she makes up to cover :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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My stilettos played Dead Man Walking - I just love how that line creates the story's humorous mood while also explaining the situation
trying not to breath - breathe
I was dismissed - great last line since it does NOT mean she was fired - her great lie-filled excuse worked even though the guy was in a bad enough mood to fire the guy who showed up just before her - great humor, excellent dialogue - I love the series of mishaps which actually befall her and the lies she makes up to cover :-) Brooke
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Brooke,
Some guys will buy anything when in the mood I guess. Thanks for the kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Cooper Watt
Man, that's quite the whirlwind story. Nicely done.
I found a few punctuation errors, mostly missed or misplaced quotation marks...I'm sure if you read it over carefully you'll find them.
I loved the staccato explanation she delivered to the boss. That was definitely the highlight of the story for me.
Good luck with the contest!
Coop.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Man, that's quite the whirlwind story. Nicely done.
I found a few punctuation errors, mostly missed or misplaced quotation marks...I'm sure if you read it over carefully you'll find them.
I loved the staccato explanation she delivered to the boss. That was definitely the highlight of the story for me.
Good luck with the contest!
Coop.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Coop,
Thanks so much for the kind review. Appreciate it as always. Carol
Comment from lola29
Carol, this is a great entry. I could sense the poor girl's frustration, and I'm glad her boss gave her the day off to relax. At least he noticed she was wearing the same dress.
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Carol, this is a great entry. I could sense the poor girl's frustration, and I'm glad her boss gave her the day off to relax. At least he noticed she was wearing the same dress.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2010
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Lola,
Thanks for the kind words of support. Appreciate it as always. Carol
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
Your story is cleaver and funny. I loved the outlandish excuse Mel had for being late. Very descriptive writing. Wonderful imagery I could see the story unfold in my head. Marvelous names and descriptions you've used:
Miss 'Dolly Parton' Wanttabe sashayed into the elevator.
Mr. Bloodhound
Mr. Mazurbatlen
Miss Goodie Two Shoes
Hey I think I knew these people when I used to work customer service at a call center for five years a few years ago.
Excellent story and entry for the writing prompt 'You're Late.' I loved the Marilyn Monroe photo you used, what a classy lady. Your story made me roflmao, except if I fell to the floor we'd have to call the fire department, I'm in a wheel chair. I did laugh my ass off, I wish, always trying to find ways to lose my muffin top and rear end.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Carol,
Your story is cleaver and funny. I loved the outlandish excuse Mel had for being late. Very descriptive writing. Wonderful imagery I could see the story unfold in my head. Marvelous names and descriptions you've used:
Miss 'Dolly Parton' Wanttabe sashayed into the elevator.
Mr. Bloodhound
Mr. Mazurbatlen
Miss Goodie Two Shoes
Hey I think I knew these people when I used to work customer service at a call center for five years a few years ago.
Excellent story and entry for the writing prompt 'You're Late.' I loved the Marilyn Monroe photo you used, what a classy lady. Your story made me roflmao, except if I fell to the floor we'd have to call the fire department, I'm in a wheel chair. I did laugh my ass off, I wish, always trying to find ways to lose my muffin top and rear end.
Melissa.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Melissa,
Your review was as funny as the story...I'm chuckling for sure...Thank you for making my day! Smiles, Carol
Comment from jadapenn
She's done it again. Made jada laugh all the way. I liked that skirt stuck in her belt. That must have made many on the way to works day for them. I thought she came up with an entertaining excuse. Boy, what a performance for when you're late.
Well done and best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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She's done it again. Made jada laugh all the way. I liked that skirt stuck in her belt. That must have made many on the way to works day for them. I thought she came up with an entertaining excuse. Boy, what a performance for when you're late.
Well done and best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Jada,
I realized this morning I had two hours before the contest ended...whipped this little puppy out so I am glad that you enjoyed it and it made you laugh...Smiles to you dear friend...Carol
Comment from dmjones
Hi Carol, A really good story. Great excuse you came up with. And I really feel for this kid: He muttered, "I asked for Mr. Masturbation."
A couple of things to check:
Your (You're)fired doesn't take long to say."
Was he was(delete was) practicing or did another
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Hi Carol, A really good story. Great excuse you came up with. And I really feel for this kid: He muttered, "I asked for Mr. Masturbation."
A couple of things to check:
Your (You're)fired doesn't take long to say."
Was he was(delete was) practicing or did another
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Donna,
Old age is really settling in... I fixed those mistakes and then forgot to save them I guess. Thanks for the review and the help.
smiles, Carol
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Don't blame it on age... blame it on Evil Eddie.
Comment from DearlB
This is a cute story with no spag problems that I found.
If Peter had been Patricia and worn a dress he might not have been fired either.
Great story,
Dearl
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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This is a cute story with no spag problems that I found.
If Peter had been Patricia and worn a dress he might not have been fired either.
Great story,
Dearl
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Dearl,
He couldn't think fast enough on his feet I fear...LOL Smiles to you and thanks for the wonderful thoughts. Carol
Comment from RobinWrites
This is a very well written story. I loved the imagery of your characters and the suspense created over the "will I" or "won't I" get fired. Keep up the great work.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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This is a very well written story. I loved the imagery of your characters and the suspense created over the "will I" or "won't I" get fired. Keep up the great work.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Robin,
Thanks so much for the kind response to my story. I appreciate it very much. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a nice ans humorous piece about going to work later than usual and expecting to be axed and shown the way out, only to be given the day off. Very well done. cheers
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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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This is a nice ans humorous piece about going to work later than usual and expecting to be axed and shown the way out, only to be given the day off. Very well done. cheers
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Perp,
Wonders never ceased to exist! Thanks for the kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from c_lucas
Some times you can bluff your ways out of bad situations. If that doesn't work, bull shit your way out of them. This is very well written. Good luck in your contest.
Blood tricked (trickled) down my leg
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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Some times you can bluff your ways out of bad situations. If that doesn't work, bull shit your way out of them. This is very well written. Good luck in your contest.
Blood tricked (trickled) down my leg
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2010
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Charlie,
Thanks for stopping by and catching by dropped L...appreciate you as always. Smiles, Carol
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You're welcome, Carol. Charlie