Reviews from

Flash Fiction

Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Shattered Dreams"
Collection of Flash, Micro, etc.

46 total reviews 
Comment from Mischief's Momma
Excellent
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Wow! Short and very to the point, so certainly meeting the challenge of micro fiction there.

I see no spelling or other errors, so very well done.

All the best in the contest, you have created a story I can picture in so few words :)

MM

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    MM

    Thank you so much for your encouraging words and thoughts. I really appreciate them. Smiles, Carol
Comment from L.lora
Excellent
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Wow, so much in so few
words. You've told the
story explicitly with
great descriptions in
the most minimal of words.
Most excellent, no nits or
spags...Good luck with the
contest. Lora

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    Lora,

    This one had a strong message about society and the lack of respect for another...It didnh't take much to express it even though the point is so important. Thanks...Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
Excellent
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Hi Carol,

Good, violent story. I loved the use of sashayed, that caught my attention for some reason. The short invoked a sadness, the image of what occurred was clear to me.

--Turtle.

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    Turtle,

    I imagined the flowing skirts of the Mexican women thus the word sashayed. Thanks for reading and commenting. Crol
Comment from fionageorge
Excellent
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Carol, such a sad and emotional flash-fiction. The scenario and the visual imaged come through clearly with this short story. Such a sad ending, yet uplifting when she gets to te better place. Good luck in the contest and warmest regards and hugs, Marijke

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    Marijke,

    Even though the rules asked for violence I couldn't leave her in the dirt alone...Thanks for the kind comments. Smiles, Carol
Comment from vandawalker
Excellent
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This is amazing to have so few words to express a story line. I would like to know how the girl got out there though. It also needs some dialogue to help the story come alive. The plot is emotional and intense. Good work.

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    vandawalker,

    Her family lived in a small shanty nearby and like any other teenager she wanted to walk and dream beneath God's beautiful sky...not remembering that evil lurks everywhere. Thanks for the review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Excellent
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You wrote a complete story is such a few words. I am very impressed. I struggle writing anything in such a few words. You have all the required elements for a story.

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    Barbara,

    I've been practicing that's for sure. I too would much rather describe the scene fully, but I do like to accept the challenge once in a while. Carol
Comment from lola29
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Carol, this is a very stark story. I'm wondering why the young girl was obliviious to her surroundings. Didn't she know it was highly dangerous to be out at night alone? The violence is horrible.

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    Lola,

    She was a young teenager with a head full of dreams, appreciating the beautiful night and wasn't aware of how far she'd wandered. Thanks for the comments. Carol
Comment from Belinda
Excellent
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Oh wow, so short yet clear and detailed. I see it in my mind's eyes already. A story of dreams and disillusions. Good luck with the contest, Carol.

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    Belinda.

    I'm glad that you understood she was lost in her own dream world, imagining a beter life...some wondered why she wasn't smarter to recognize the danger....Even as adults we don't always do what's the right or best thing for us. Thanks again...Carol
Comment from Sandollar
Excellent
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This was very well written and told a whole, cohesive, story.
You portrayed violence very well here and was so well done, by the end, I hated the men in this story. The photo you chose is just right for the story. Best of luck in the contest.
I found no errors.

Sandollar

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    Sandollar,

    I hated them too! Thank you for reading and for the generous comments. Carol
Comment from Thesis
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Hi, Carol. You wrote a story that was very emotional and quite violent. The poor seniorita realized too late that she was walking into a trap.

All too often, this happens to unsuspecting young women. It's a tragedy you portrayed well. - Regards. - John

 Comment Written 22-Apr-2010

reply by the author on 23-Apr-2010
    John,

    Yes, it can happen even in other walks of life..We think we are aware of all our surroundings, but evil lurks in many places. Thanks for the review. Smiles, CArol