Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Coming Home"A book of a mixture of stories
47 total reviews
Comment from Ms. Gray
I saw that news story too. It is a very sad commentary on life on our city streets. I like your take on the story. The conversation between the people walking by the bleeding man was sadly believable. You gave it an uplifting ending. Nice job.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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I saw that news story too. It is a very sad commentary on life on our city streets. I like your take on the story. The conversation between the people walking by the bleeding man was sadly believable. You gave it an uplifting ending. Nice job.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Patti,
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sally Carter
I enjoyed this story so much Carol. A lovely point of view to report on the scene through the eyes of the deceased man. It reminded me just a little of The Lovely Bones. I don't know if you have read the book or seen the film?
Although the ending was sad (apart from the thought of meeting his friend and mother again) I liked the positive points you raised about this man's life on the street - his good deed in rescuing the cat, and the friendships he forged.
I didn't spot any nits, but then I rarely do when I read your work. You always have a great flow, and my reading is rarely interrupted by typos or an inappropriate word.
Great stuff, and an interesting mix of despair at man's inhumanity, alongside reassurance of better things to come.
Best wishes. Sally
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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I enjoyed this story so much Carol. A lovely point of view to report on the scene through the eyes of the deceased man. It reminded me just a little of The Lovely Bones. I don't know if you have read the book or seen the film?
Although the ending was sad (apart from the thought of meeting his friend and mother again) I liked the positive points you raised about this man's life on the street - his good deed in rescuing the cat, and the friendships he forged.
I didn't spot any nits, but then I rarely do when I read your work. You always have a great flow, and my reading is rarely interrupted by typos or an inappropriate word.
Great stuff, and an interesting mix of despair at man's inhumanity, alongside reassurance of better things to come.
Best wishes. Sally
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Sally,
You are always so good to me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Haven't been able to spend much time on the computer so I apologize for taking so long to respond. Carol
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No worries Carol. I know how hard it is to keep up with all this is going on here! All the best, Sally
Comment from lola29
What is our world comint to when people simply choose to walk on by someone who is hurting--dying. He served his country proudly, and yet he died alone.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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What is our world comint to when people simply choose to walk on by someone who is hurting--dying. He served his country proudly, and yet he died alone.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Lola,
I saw the news reel from the security camera and simply couldn't believe these people just walking by like he was nothing. Terrible! Smiles, Carol
Comment from Border Reiver
Oh what a shame, poor old soul. You'll certainly be pulling a few heartstrings with this one.
Here are what I think could be some typos:
After completing his usual ritual of bowing and chattering what I assumed to be good morning in Chinese, Chen's smiling face greeted me. [I've read this sentence a few times and it doesn't seem to make sence to me (although it is past my bed time) I think you might be missing an and before what I assumed to be...]
a styrofoam cup filled with hot coffee [Styrofoam is a trademarked name so should normally have a capital letter.]
Kat
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Oh what a shame, poor old soul. You'll certainly be pulling a few heartstrings with this one.
Here are what I think could be some typos:
After completing his usual ritual of bowing and chattering what I assumed to be good morning in Chinese, Chen's smiling face greeted me. [I've read this sentence a few times and it doesn't seem to make sence to me (although it is past my bed time) I think you might be missing an and before what I assumed to be...]
a styrofoam cup filled with hot coffee [Styrofoam is a trademarked name so should normally have a capital letter.]
Kat
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Kat,
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from missy98writer
Carol,
Oh the irony of the situation. Billy was always helping others despite his disenfranchised life and when he was in need nobody care enough to call the police or tend to him. You did an outstanding job on this story ripped from the headlines. I happen to have a six and you are getting it. I bet this one wins the contest. It gets my vote at least. Tragic story of folks not giving a damn to help a fellow man. As always wonderful characterization, narrative, theme, dialogue, vivid imagery, and very descriptive writing. Why is most of the writing today so sad? Keep up the awesome writing. . . Melissa.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Carol,
Oh the irony of the situation. Billy was always helping others despite his disenfranchised life and when he was in need nobody care enough to call the police or tend to him. You did an outstanding job on this story ripped from the headlines. I happen to have a six and you are getting it. I bet this one wins the contest. It gets my vote at least. Tragic story of folks not giving a damn to help a fellow man. As always wonderful characterization, narrative, theme, dialogue, vivid imagery, and very descriptive writing. Why is most of the writing today so sad? Keep up the awesome writing. . . Melissa.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Melissa,
Thank you as always for the wonderful comments and the virtual six...A real one didn't appear. But your generous thoughts are always worth more to me than the stars...Thank you...Carol
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Opps I did arror down enough. Here's your six. Enjoy I got two today on one poem. . . Melissa.
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Good after noon friend and hope you are well and that many are enjoying your story. It is good to share the inspiration with your readers and I wish you the best.
Thank you for using my photo, I am honored. Loyd
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Good after noon friend and hope you are well and that many are enjoying your story. It is good to share the inspiration with your readers and I wish you the best.
Thank you for using my photo, I am honored. Loyd
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2010
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Loyd,
It was my pleasure to be able to use your fantastic photo with my story...It added the necessary image I needed. Thanks for your comments as well. Smiles, Carol
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Carol, you are welcome. Loyd
Comment from Sasha
I doubt they could say anything to justify leaving him to die. This is a superbly written story that really tugged at my heart. It is a terrific entry for the contest too. I wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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I doubt they could say anything to justify leaving him to die. This is a superbly written story that really tugged at my heart. It is a terrific entry for the contest too. I wish you all the best.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Sasha,
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from jl & bandit
I really like the way this is written... I have had my days on the street, and I met the finest people anyone would ever want to meet.
Giving, kind, warm, genuine... and unfortunatly lost and forgotten.
Well done on this story.
JL&B
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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I really like the way this is written... I have had my days on the street, and I met the finest people anyone would ever want to meet.
Giving, kind, warm, genuine... and unfortunatly lost and forgotten.
Well done on this story.
JL&B
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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jl & bandit
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Carol,
okay you filled my brown eyes with tears
I still ask where are the Good Samaritans to help the ones who are in dire need.
I really wish you the best in this contest
Gert
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Hello Carol,
okay you filled my brown eyes with tears
I still ask where are the Good Samaritans to help the ones who are in dire need.
I really wish you the best in this contest
Gert
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Gert,
As always, I appreciate your kind and generous thoughts. Carol
Comment from Shirley B
I think I saw the same news story. You wrote an excellent story. Thank you for bringing this to everyone's mind. You are right. What are these people going to say to God? I love to help people. I am a nurse and I stop at wrecks. If I happen to get hurt or if someday God forbid someone kills me, well I know I went out helping people. Thanks for writing this, Shirley
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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I think I saw the same news story. You wrote an excellent story. Thank you for bringing this to everyone's mind. You are right. What are these people going to say to God? I love to help people. I am a nurse and I stop at wrecks. If I happen to get hurt or if someday God forbid someone kills me, well I know I went out helping people. Thanks for writing this, Shirley
Comment Written 29-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 06-May-2010
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Shirley,
Thank you for all the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I haven't been able to spend much time lately on the site, and I always appreciate hearing from you. I apologize for taking so long to get back to you. Smiles, Carol
