The Empty Bed
It's lonely at the top72 total reviews
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
Always love the muse you use! The ending was surprising but knowing ATE, I was looking forward to what you had planned for us. As usual your dialogue didn't have a lot of un-needed words, but to the point.
Dave
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
  |
Always love the muse you use! The ending was surprising but knowing ATE, I was looking forward to what you had planned for us. As usual your dialogue didn't have a lot of un-needed words, but to the point.
Dave
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a great review. I am most appreciative.
Comment from Dashjianta
A good story, with a twist I didn't see coming. The dialogue flowed well, and I liked the way the different voices of her concious kept chiming in. I guess she didn't get much of a chnace to learn from her mistake though.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
|
A good story, with a twist I didn't see coming. The dialogue flowed well, and I liked the way the different voices of her concious kept chiming in. I guess she didn't get much of a chnace to learn from her mistake though.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
No, I don't think so. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Wendyanne
Wow what an excellent story Alvin. I had no idea how this would end but I certainly wasn't expecting that ending. Well done and good luck
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
|
Wow what an excellent story Alvin. I had no idea how this would end but I certainly wasn't expecting that ending. Well done and good luck
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a great review. I am glad the twist worked for you.
Comment from Penpal
Hello Alvin,
Wow!!! Even though I entered this contest, I have to admit this story has mine beat. Great build up, excellent dialog, and perfect twist. I even think this could work as a flash fiction.
Good job,
Pen
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
 |
Hello Alvin,
Wow!!! Even though I entered this contest, I have to admit this story has mine beat. Great build up, excellent dialog, and perfect twist. I even think this could work as a flash fiction.
Good job,
Pen
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Yes, since I am taking the flash fiction course by suneagle, I am thinking more in terms of Flash Fiction these days. Thanks for an execeptional review; I am most appreciative.
Comment from zwrite1
This story is good, but definately not your best work. It seems a little rushed like from cocktails, to moving in and then to bed was very quick. Then, after only one night together, Lloyd had enough information to carry out a bombing? I mean I like a tight story, but this seems rushed.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
 |
This story is good, but definately not your best work. It seems a little rushed like from cocktails, to moving in and then to bed was very quick. Then, after only one night together, Lloyd had enough information to carry out a bombing? I mean I like a tight story, but this seems rushed.
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a good review. I am sorry the chronology wasn't clear. For clarification, the cocktails scene was a flashback, as was the first night in bed. The publishers with whom I work want double spacing to indicate changes in setting, which is what I used. What would you suggest to indicate changes in setting? Thanks again for a good review.
Comment from rama devi
Wow, Alvin, this is pretty intense! Also, very well written. Excellent pacing, dialog, sentence construction and build up of tension. Character development is impressive for such a short piece, especially with the shifting internal landscape of the protagonist's good girl and bad girl voices.
You have the tact of a microchip. - clever line!
No spags or nits. Good entry. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
PS Have you forgotten me? (wink)
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
|
Wow, Alvin, this is pretty intense! Also, very well written. Excellent pacing, dialog, sentence construction and build up of tension. Character development is impressive for such a short piece, especially with the shifting internal landscape of the protagonist's good girl and bad girl voices.
You have the tact of a microchip. - clever line!
No spags or nits. Good entry. Good luck!
Warmly, rd
PS Have you forgotten me? (wink)
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a great review. No, I haven't forgotten you. Les's Flash Fiction course is keeping me busy, as is Church life. I shall get to your work as soon as possible. As always, if you need a review immediately, PM me with the name of the work and the URL and I'll do it immediately. I am also busy doing research for my own class, which starts in February.
-
It's great you are giving a class, Alvin! And that you are active in Church, too!
You can also read my work where it is published on associated Content and then you do not have to spend time on Critique...though i welcome and value your critique when you do have time. There, I get paid for page views.
My regards to Les...
Love, rd
-
It's great you are giving a class, Alvin! And that you are active in Church, too!
You can also read my work where it is published on associated Content and then you do not have to spend time on Critique...though i welcome and value your critique when you do have time. There, I get paid for page views.
My regards to Les...
Love, rd
-
Yes, I have tired to read work on associated content and the system is too difficult for me to navigate; having had bad experiences in the past, I am reluctant to join any online website.
-
I mean tried, of course.
-
It has recently been purchased by Yahoo and is going through changes so once in a while there are minor glitches. Thanks for trying though. I think I added your email to receive the notifications. ALl you have to do is click on the link in the email. It goes to the post directly (and gives me page view credit). No need to make formal comments there unless you wish to. Warmly,rd
-
Thanks. I think I tried that. Don't I have to sign up or register first?
-
Not to read---only to post. Membership is free.
Comment from CodyJack
Good job and suspenseful and held me to the end. Good imagery and very well written. It was a complete surprise ending. Good luck in the contest you entered. Cody
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
|
Good job and suspenseful and held me to the end. Good imagery and very well written. It was a complete surprise ending. Good luck in the contest you entered. Cody
Comment Written 27-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for a great review.
Comment from RebelRose
Very good entry for this contest. She experienced quite a betrayal from Lloyd. The ending is very nerve wracking and I guess we can draw our own conclusions.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
|
Very good entry for this contest. She experienced quite a betrayal from Lloyd. The ending is very nerve wracking and I guess we can draw our own conclusions.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Yes, I like to leave my stories somewhat open so that they will stay with the reader. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from eclecticjules
Wow! I love, love, loved the disjointed thoughts from Katherine's mind. It reminded my of "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King. I could relate and was instantly drawn in. I found I got confused at the end and went back to reread. I was unable to determine whether that was their first night together or not. The first paragraph indicates it's the third night that week. Then we go back to that first night she found out about his marital problems. Then it jumps to the first night he stayed and the first dinner and sex. I guess I'm confused as to what morning it is, once you say, "It's morning; I need to get to work." Otherwise I loved it.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
|
Wow! I love, love, loved the disjointed thoughts from Katherine's mind. It reminded my of "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King. I could relate and was instantly drawn in. I found I got confused at the end and went back to reread. I was unable to determine whether that was their first night together or not. The first paragraph indicates it's the third night that week. Then we go back to that first night she found out about his marital problems. Then it jumps to the first night he stayed and the first dinner and sex. I guess I'm confused as to what morning it is, once you say, "It's morning; I need to get to work." Otherwise I loved it.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for an excellent review. For clarification, the cocktails scene was a flashback, as was the first night in bed. The publishers with whom I work want double spacing to indicate changes in setting, which is what I used. What would you suggest to indicate changes in setting? I haven't thought of Gerald's Game in ages! Thanks again for a good review.
Comment from highlander104
Wow! Really good entry for this contest. I was so engrossed in the story, I didn't see that ending coming. It blew me away. Dialogue and characters are real. Enjoyable read.
This sentence perhaps add the word dollar - multimillion [dollar] ...
A business that has multimillion [dollar] Department of Defense
Jean K.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
|
Wow! Really good entry for this contest. I was so engrossed in the story, I didn't see that ending coming. It blew me away. Dialogue and characters are real. Enjoyable read.
This sentence perhaps add the word dollar - multimillion [dollar] ...
A business that has multimillion [dollar] Department of Defense
Jean K.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2010
-
Thanks for an excellent review; I took your suggestion.