Dragon in My Wagon
A kid has an endearing adventure with a dragon.29 total reviews
Comment from J. P. Egry
You've created a cute children's story using the required writing prompt. There is a lot of vivid description and action that would lend itself well to a children's picture book. Words like spouting, swooshed, swinging, agleam are all great for the kids to visualize or for an illustrator to use. Just curious---he/she said goodbye to all the other kids; did he say goodbye to the dragon or since it's a fantasy of his mind, did he bring the dragon home to serve as an invisible companion? It's probably something we should just conjecture about.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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You've created a cute children's story using the required writing prompt. There is a lot of vivid description and action that would lend itself well to a children's picture book. Words like spouting, swooshed, swinging, agleam are all great for the kids to visualize or for an illustrator to use. Just curious---he/she said goodbye to all the other kids; did he say goodbye to the dragon or since it's a fantasy of his mind, did he bring the dragon home to serve as an invisible companion? It's probably something we should just conjecture about.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Conjecture away. He has a few more adventures with the dragon in the works. thanks for the review.
Comment from marion
Hi there
I love children's poetry! And I thought this one a real delight, especially in the way you made the dragon such a 'fun' character ... and I loved your subtle humour throughout.
This stanza was great -
"OK," I grinned, "But watch your breath.
Don't turn me into toast.
Ya know what would be really fun?
A Dragon wiener roast!"
I enjoyed. Marion.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Hi there
I love children's poetry! And I thought this one a real delight, especially in the way you made the dragon such a 'fun' character ... and I loved your subtle humour throughout.
This stanza was great -
"OK," I grinned, "But watch your breath.
Don't turn me into toast.
Ya know what would be really fun?
A Dragon wiener roast!"
I enjoyed. Marion.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Lois Delaney
This was a fun, light poem. I thought you put it together pretty well. I think the flow could have improved in a few lines, but otherwise, really well done.
Enjoyed it very much. Helped me to free my mind for a brief moment. Thank you so very much for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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This was a fun, light poem. I thought you put it together pretty well. I think the flow could have improved in a few lines, but otherwise, really well done.
Enjoyed it very much. Helped me to free my mind for a brief moment. Thank you so very much for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Thanks for the review.
Comment from janbar
You have a most wondrous imagination - thank you for taking me with you on this lovely adventure. I smiled all the way out the door, to the park, and back. Beautifully written, the rhythm heightened the excitement, and the dragon was just charming and adorable. I could picture the wagon filling up along the way. I didn't want it to end. janbar
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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You have a most wondrous imagination - thank you for taking me with you on this lovely adventure. I smiled all the way out the door, to the park, and back. Beautifully written, the rhythm heightened the excitement, and the dragon was just charming and adorable. I could picture the wagon filling up along the way. I didn't want it to end. janbar
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Thank you so very much!
Comment from pixiemillie
What a cute 'story' poem. Flows well, rhymes well with abcb rhyme patter with exception of verse which seems to be aaba- -no matter. In line rhyme with play/today, dragon/wagon. Alliteration using s,w,t,h.
Good luck in the contest. no suggestions here. Thank you for this enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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What a cute 'story' poem. Flows well, rhymes well with abcb rhyme patter with exception of verse which seems to be aaba- -no matter. In line rhyme with play/today, dragon/wagon. Alliteration using s,w,t,h.
Good luck in the contest. no suggestions here. Thank you for this enjoyable read.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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thanks for the review and kind words.
Comment from Kalisto Barques
This is a fanciful flight of imagination. You can almost see the steam drifting out of the dragon's nostrils. Definitely fires the imagination.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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This is a fanciful flight of imagination. You can almost see the steam drifting out of the dragon's nostrils. Definitely fires the imagination.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Thanks.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This was astounding. I just fell in love with it from beginning to end.
Creative, descriptive and at the same time still true to a child's fantasy/imagination.
Well done on this.
Adding artwork would have been an extra plus.....
Loved it very much thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Maureen
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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This was astounding. I just fell in love with it from beginning to end.
Creative, descriptive and at the same time still true to a child's fantasy/imagination.
Well done on this.
Adding artwork would have been an extra plus.....
Loved it very much thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Maureen
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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thanks for the great review.
Comment from c_lucas
Children are taught at a early age that their imagination is not reality. I thing this is wrong and restrict the child's creative ability.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Children are taught at a early age that their imagination is not reality. I thing this is wrong and restrict the child's creative ability.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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thanks for reading and the nice review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from e.m.robinson
This poem is outstanding!! Great job. I like how you unveiled the story and I was with you every step of the way. Excellent word choice - swooshed, wail, impart, conceive.
I really hope you get to publish this in some form that you envision. I expect to see it again, where lots of kids and adults can enjoy it, too!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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This poem is outstanding!! Great job. I like how you unveiled the story and I was with you every step of the way. Excellent word choice - swooshed, wail, impart, conceive.
I really hope you get to publish this in some form that you envision. I expect to see it again, where lots of kids and adults can enjoy it, too!
Comment Written 08-Aug-2011
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2011
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Wow! Many many thanks.
