The English Assignment
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Chapter 1 my English class "The author tells a tale how he tried to better him
33 total reviews
Comment from bowls
What a place to stop! I was so into this. (I promise to click the link as soon as I finish this review.) Anyway, your writing style is clear and straightforward, easy to read and captivating. You had me at the first paragraph. I can't write more because I'm dying of curiosity.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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What a place to stop! I was so into this. (I promise to click the link as soon as I finish this review.) Anyway, your writing style is clear and straightforward, easy to read and captivating. You had me at the first paragraph. I can't write more because I'm dying of curiosity.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Glad I did't dissapoint. thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Gungalo
Wow that is some story. I'd like to read the essay you wrote and hope you include it. Amazing turn of events here. I wait in silence to read you next chapter!!
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Wow that is some story. I'd like to read the essay you wrote and hope you include it. Amazing turn of events here. I wait in silence to read you next chapter!!
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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the story is in the next chapter which is allready written just click the link at the end of the story. thanks for the stars
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Smiling.
Comment from Bobbi22
This is a very good start to your book. The title of this chapter intrigued me to read it - never expecting the pot and the firing. We all have our reasons for going back to school. It seems like there is a little missing when you stray off and talk about your classmate's trauma - maybe more info ahead in the next chapter. There are also a few line spacing errors. All in all a very good read.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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This is a very good start to your book. The title of this chapter intrigued me to read it - never expecting the pot and the firing. We all have our reasons for going back to school. It seems like there is a little missing when you stray off and talk about your classmate's trauma - maybe more info ahead in the next chapter. There are also a few line spacing errors. All in all a very good read.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Thanks for the kind review
Comment from adewpearl
they are still over worked - overworked
Lewis, who used to work - add comma
I used to like to smoke pot, and - add comma
You explain the reason for your dismissal well
You explain the stresses of the job well
Let's start today's lesson - add the apostrophe
You have me curious to read this essay that caused Mrs. Stein's knees to buckle. Brooke
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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they are still over worked - overworked
Lewis, who used to work - add comma
I used to like to smoke pot, and - add comma
You explain the reason for your dismissal well
You explain the stresses of the job well
Let's start today's lesson - add the apostrophe
You have me curious to read this essay that caused Mrs. Stein's knees to buckle. Brooke
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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think you read it allready but it's there for you to read. Thanks for the corrections ill put them in quick.
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thanks again.
Comment from Bellringer
Keimosobie, Very well written essay. Although it incorporated a lot of what you said in the first essay, it was still fascinating. Your newer portions had me on the edge of my seat as I wondered what your submitted essay contained--excellent way of holding the reader's attention. The description of the teacher's physical reaction was priceless! Blessings, Hector
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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Keimosobie, Very well written essay. Although it incorporated a lot of what you said in the first essay, it was still fascinating. Your newer portions had me on the edge of my seat as I wondered what your submitted essay contained--excellent way of holding the reader's attention. The description of the teacher's physical reaction was priceless! Blessings, Hector
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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sorry for pitting you through both essays I wrote one as a story then took that essay and started a book with it so things got confusing for me. Anyway i'm glad you liked it.
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You're welcome, Keimosobie. Blessings, Hector
Comment from samandlancelot
Your first chapter is very compelling. I love your honesty about what you did wrong & the burdens you carried at your job. How you felt responsible for some patients who did not make it because you didn't check a sign that you should have checked. I want to continue to see who you are & what horrible nightmares haunt your soul.
It was a pretty, (delete 'pretty,')difficult job, with forty four (forty-four) patients and three certified nurses aides (CNA), to supervise.
The pt's (change pt's to patients)
job I did, by myself; (delete 'by myself;' - redundant) just to keep the nurses working there.
director of nursing had a nineteen year old (nineteen-year-old) son
original statement is correct", (comma goes inside the end quote mark) she said.
Anyone whose (who's) ever edited my writing knows I needed a lot of hel
Patricia
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Your first chapter is very compelling. I love your honesty about what you did wrong & the burdens you carried at your job. How you felt responsible for some patients who did not make it because you didn't check a sign that you should have checked. I want to continue to see who you are & what horrible nightmares haunt your soul.
It was a pretty, (delete 'pretty,')difficult job, with forty four (forty-four) patients and three certified nurses aides (CNA), to supervise.
The pt's (change pt's to patients)
job I did, by myself; (delete 'by myself;' - redundant) just to keep the nurses working there.
director of nursing had a nineteen year old (nineteen-year-old) son
original statement is correct", (comma goes inside the end quote mark) she said.
Anyone whose (who's) ever edited my writing knows I needed a lot of hel
Patricia
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the corrections made the all.
Comment from Ja9Johnson
I found the story interesting, though not interesting enough to completely distract from the author's admitted issues with proper punctuation and grammar. I liked the way there was a story within the story (of the other student's loss of her children in a fire).
While not a comprehensive list, here are a few recommendations for editing this piece:
"It was a pretty (remove comma) difficult job,"
"pt's" (spell out patients)
"...after I was dismissed, (semi-colon not appropriate here - suggest you brush up on proper uses of a semi-colon as opposed to a comma)
"You see, the director of nursing had a nineteen year old son named Lewis that used to work on my unit." (should be "who used to work" as Lewis is a person (who) rather than a thing (that).
"Well, she made it out of the house, but her two children did not." (remove comma after children)
Again, I enjoyed reading this.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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I found the story interesting, though not interesting enough to completely distract from the author's admitted issues with proper punctuation and grammar. I liked the way there was a story within the story (of the other student's loss of her children in a fire).
While not a comprehensive list, here are a few recommendations for editing this piece:
"It was a pretty (remove comma) difficult job,"
"pt's" (spell out patients)
"...after I was dismissed, (semi-colon not appropriate here - suggest you brush up on proper uses of a semi-colon as opposed to a comma)
"You see, the director of nursing had a nineteen year old son named Lewis that used to work on my unit." (should be "who used to work" as Lewis is a person (who) rather than a thing (that).
"Well, she made it out of the house, but her two children did not." (remove comma after children)
Again, I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Thank you for the correction and i will look up the semi colon thing thanks.
Comment from linnietwotymez
This is a great opening chapter. I just lost my job and immediately identified with what you experienced at the time. I am interested in what really shook your teacher up. What did you write? I noticed a few grammatical errors but not big. Only one stood out, dieing. It is spelled incorrectly. But once again, a nice piece of literature.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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This is a great opening chapter. I just lost my job and immediately identified with what you experienced at the time. I am interested in what really shook your teacher up. What did you write? I noticed a few grammatical errors but not big. Only one stood out, dieing. It is spelled incorrectly. But once again, a nice piece of literature.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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The next piece is written allready just click the next chapter at the bottom of the page. are you shure you wanted to give me four stars for one misspelled word. In any case thanks for reading and reviewing. correction made.
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Well, you had more than one misspelled word but i'm sure you corrected it. The one word I pointed out stood out.
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yes thats true. Thanks for reviewing I'm working on the spelling and grammer but I still have a ways to go. I just started writting.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
keimosobie:
Actually, I think you do have a gift for writing and can still use a bit of help with your spags. You ended this story at the perfect place. I've listed some corrections for you below. Let me know when you've fixed them and I will raise your rating. Thanks for sharing. Love, Jan
I'm sure your curious why >>> I'm sure you're curious why
the director of nurses son. >>> the director of nurse's son.
you here a patient coughing >>> you hear a patient coughing
I owe lewis a debt of gratitude >>>
I owe Lewis a debt of gratitude
what I had done with mt essay. >>>
what I had done with my essay.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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keimosobie:
Actually, I think you do have a gift for writing and can still use a bit of help with your spags. You ended this story at the perfect place. I've listed some corrections for you below. Let me know when you've fixed them and I will raise your rating. Thanks for sharing. Love, Jan
I'm sure your curious why >>> I'm sure you're curious why
the director of nurses son. >>> the director of nurse's son.
you here a patient coughing >>> you hear a patient coughing
I owe lewis a debt of gratitude >>>
I owe Lewis a debt of gratitude
what I had done with mt essay. >>>
what I had done with my essay.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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corrections made. Thank you so much for making them. I get so rapped up in the story I forget my grammar.
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I understand. I will up your rating.
Comment from Misrael
I have to say that you must like to make people wait to read the rest of the story. It will be interesting to read the rest of this story and find out what happens next. Great job.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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I have to say that you must like to make people wait to read the rest of the story. It will be interesting to read the rest of this story and find out what happens next. Great job.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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The second part is written just click the link on the bottom of the post Cheers. thanks for reviewing.
