Sweet Alice
Don't try to resurrect love26 total reviews
Comment from THE FREAK
When I read this, I feel like a voodoo witch doctor is telling a tale of evil befalling upon me, as if it was my life being described. Terrible things were to happen to me...
Spooky, chilling even for I cannot fault the story and the style to which you've dangerously typed; though if I may make a suggestion of reading rhythm...
There was no mention of Alice's body. She hoped Alice had just disappeared...
Try this on for size...
There was no mention of the little girl Alice, chilling the hot stilled air around, heightening tensions above and beyond murderous spells; for she heavenly hoped, with gospel prayer's heeding her calls that the blue eyed Angel Alice disappeared, unlike Remy's untimely death..
It's just a format to use for extreme emotion and description elevating seriousness to a new level. But this is your story, and I love it as it is...Keep up your great work.
THE FREAK
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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When I read this, I feel like a voodoo witch doctor is telling a tale of evil befalling upon me, as if it was my life being described. Terrible things were to happen to me...
Spooky, chilling even for I cannot fault the story and the style to which you've dangerously typed; though if I may make a suggestion of reading rhythm...
There was no mention of Alice's body. She hoped Alice had just disappeared...
Try this on for size...
There was no mention of the little girl Alice, chilling the hot stilled air around, heightening tensions above and beyond murderous spells; for she heavenly hoped, with gospel prayer's heeding her calls that the blue eyed Angel Alice disappeared, unlike Remy's untimely death..
It's just a format to use for extreme emotion and description elevating seriousness to a new level. But this is your story, and I love it as it is...Keep up your great work.
THE FREAK
Comment Written 22-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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Thank you for your kind review. I'm always looking for advice, so thanks for the help.
Comment from RaymondJohn
It's creepy, and I like it. I was and wasn't surprised that Remy died. I like the idea of demon possession, and in a schoolroom, no less. Boy, I haven't heard "cloak room" for more than half a century. Fun read. Ray.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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It's creepy, and I like it. I was and wasn't surprised that Remy died. I like the idea of demon possession, and in a schoolroom, no less. Boy, I haven't heard "cloak room" for more than half a century. Fun read. Ray.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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Thank you!! Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Cindy Warren
It's creepy. Gram is as crazy as her grandson. Gram should put his dinner back on the stove, not pot it. 'What's that mean' in the forth last paragraph needs a question mark. 'Been back to see him only three times that he could recall' is a sentence fragment. It needs another word at the beginning. All easy fixes.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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It's creepy. Gram is as crazy as her grandson. Gram should put his dinner back on the stove, not pot it. 'What's that mean' in the forth last paragraph needs a question mark. 'Been back to see him only three times that he could recall' is a sentence fragment. It needs another word at the beginning. All easy fixes.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Thanks. I will look back and see what happened. I was just tired and not paying attention. Thanks for the pointers
Comment from Gungalo
It's creepy alright and I love a good ghost story. I picture this one being told by my grandmother late on a Saturday night. Ooooh it's so very good.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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It's creepy alright and I love a good ghost story. I picture this one being told by my grandmother late on a Saturday night. Ooooh it's so very good.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Your grandmother sounds almost as bad as me. I love to scare kids. I'm glad you liked it.
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Oh she did and we loved to go stay over at her house too.
Comment from Selestia
Creepy is a very good word to describe this story. This reminds me of THE TWILIGHT ZONE. Plot is developed very thoroughly with foreshadowing and a horrible end that makes shivers go up and down the reader's spine.
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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Creepy is a very good word to describe this story. This reminds me of THE TWILIGHT ZONE. Plot is developed very thoroughly with foreshadowing and a horrible end that makes shivers go up and down the reader's spine.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Thanks. I would say sorry I scared you but that was the point after all. LOL
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, gwhargis, you did a great job writing this story about the grandmother who hid what her grandson did but a demon came back to steal him away and kill him. i enjoyed reading it.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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this is very well written, gwhargis, you did a great job writing this story about the grandmother who hid what her grandson did but a demon came back to steal him away and kill him. i enjoyed reading it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2012
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Thanks for the compliment.
