The Jersey Hoard
Viewing comments for Prologue "The Jersey Hoard."A Historical Puzzle
25 total reviews
Comment from Scarbrems
Hello, fellow Channel islander. I enjoyed this mix of historical fact and fiction. I'm impressed that you manage to write this successfully in the present tense as this can be quite difficult to do. I have to confess, though, when it comes to Julius Caesar and the Gauls, I have a tendency to wait for Asterix and Obelix to turn up, lol. look forward to the next instalment
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Hello, fellow Channel islander. I enjoyed this mix of historical fact and fiction. I'm impressed that you manage to write this successfully in the present tense as this can be quite difficult to do. I have to confess, though, when it comes to Julius Caesar and the Gauls, I have a tendency to wait for Asterix and Obelix to turn up, lol. look forward to the next instalment
Comment Written 06-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Thank you emsey, for your kind review. All the way from Sark, my oh my. It's cold and windy over here.
I generally feel better with present tense for it sounds more realistic to me. But it has been a long road, with many more miles to go I'm afraid. LOL... Kind regards Mel.
Comment from AprilShower
This is very interesting. I am wondering if these coins were in some kind of container. If so, apparently it has long ago decayed. Thank you for sharing this with us. I have one suggestion. The paragraphs need separated. I had a very hard time finding my place as my eyes attempted to go from left to right and back again.
April
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2012
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This is very interesting. I am wondering if these coins were in some kind of container. If so, apparently it has long ago decayed. Thank you for sharing this with us. I have one suggestion. The paragraphs need separated. I had a very hard time finding my place as my eyes attempted to go from left to right and back again.
April
Comment Written 06-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2012
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Hi April, the coins were in cloth bags, traces of material have been found. The shape of the hoard also indicates this.
Sorry about the para. spacing. The F.S. computer glitched and hay presto the gaps disappeared. It was ether that, or some influence by Woden... LOL... MEL. xx
Comment from humpwhistle
Well, it's a little early for me to comment on
where you are taking this story. You have picked
and interesting era, and setting for your book.
May I suggest that you add a space between your
paragraphs. Thick blocks of uninterrupted type
tend to intimidate readers.
Good luck with this.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Well, it's a little early for me to comment on
where you are taking this story. You have picked
and interesting era, and setting for your book.
May I suggest that you add a space between your
paragraphs. Thick blocks of uninterrupted type
tend to intimidate readers.
Good luck with this.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 06-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Thank you Lee, for your kind review and taking the time. What you unfortunately saw was a computer glitch. All the gaps had been removed. This has happened on all three chapters currently on show. These have all now been corrected... Best wishes Mel.
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Sorry you were victimized by Evil Eddie, but I'm glad you were able to fix. Lee
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Hello. I really liked your first chapter here and the attached picture really is interesting. I love Roman history so this is right up my alley. I did notice quite a few structural sentence problems as well as grammar and punctuation. For starters, here below is what I have tried to fix for you. Some tweaking and adjusting here and there. I notice how you're writing in the present continous form which is neat, Its happening at the moment of speaking which is cool and different.....Here goes.
As soon as the Coriosilites and Lexovii tribes heard of the defeat, they immediately sued for peace...((Upon hearing the news of the defeat, the Corioslities and Lexovii immediately sued for peace...To arrange the surrender, Ceasar dispatched the Roman legions..
(((At this time he had massive debts and politicians in Rome to pay off, prior to his first expedition to Britannia in 55BC. He also needed victories to be popular with the population back home.
What follows is what may have happened... ))) This area needs to be re-structured....Problematic was that Prior to his first expedition to Britannia, Ceasar had already ammassed a great deal of debt. In addition, he had to contest with the senate involving certain pay offs in an effort to gain the Senates favor.
This is an attempt to reconstruct events based on historical records....
Celtic lady out of camp ready to ((take her back)) to her village nearby..(Escort)
Meanwhile,
((his elite bodyguards, feeling a slight stiffness in his right shoulder, no one sees him as he lifts and rotates his arm in a circular motion two times.)) ..(Make two sentences)
The population is to be untouched at this stage, unless they resist of course." ((More dramatic...Ceasar declares, "Unless they resist, the population is to left untouched."
Very good question as to why was the treasure buried on Jersey. Its possible that these were sacred burial grounds which even the Romans might have stayed clear from for fear of Jupiters curses.
Hope this input helps you. best regards. Cheers.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Hello. I really liked your first chapter here and the attached picture really is interesting. I love Roman history so this is right up my alley. I did notice quite a few structural sentence problems as well as grammar and punctuation. For starters, here below is what I have tried to fix for you. Some tweaking and adjusting here and there. I notice how you're writing in the present continous form which is neat, Its happening at the moment of speaking which is cool and different.....Here goes.
As soon as the Coriosilites and Lexovii tribes heard of the defeat, they immediately sued for peace...((Upon hearing the news of the defeat, the Corioslities and Lexovii immediately sued for peace...To arrange the surrender, Ceasar dispatched the Roman legions..
(((At this time he had massive debts and politicians in Rome to pay off, prior to his first expedition to Britannia in 55BC. He also needed victories to be popular with the population back home.
What follows is what may have happened... ))) This area needs to be re-structured....Problematic was that Prior to his first expedition to Britannia, Ceasar had already ammassed a great deal of debt. In addition, he had to contest with the senate involving certain pay offs in an effort to gain the Senates favor.
This is an attempt to reconstruct events based on historical records....
Celtic lady out of camp ready to ((take her back)) to her village nearby..(Escort)
Meanwhile,
((his elite bodyguards, feeling a slight stiffness in his right shoulder, no one sees him as he lifts and rotates his arm in a circular motion two times.)) ..(Make two sentences)
The population is to be untouched at this stage, unless they resist of course." ((More dramatic...Ceasar declares, "Unless they resist, the population is to left untouched."
Very good question as to why was the treasure buried on Jersey. Its possible that these were sacred burial grounds which even the Romans might have stayed clear from for fear of Jupiters curses.
Hope this input helps you. best regards. Cheers.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Hello there, first of all thank you for taking the time to review my work at such depth. I always appreciate these type of reviews.
I have put right the spags.
It may be of interest to you to note that Jersey has had more than it's share of finds over the years. These indicate possible minting of coins on the island, for scrapped coins have been found ready for melting down.
Today Jersey is an offshore banking center, perhaps it started over 2,000 years ago...LOL. Kind regards Mel.
Comment from Rondeno
You certainly know your period. This is good stuff, marred by a few mistakes. I think you mean "blue breeches", rather than "a blue breaches", and "Everyone is silent, as the word strike home" is mistakenly included in Eudeyrn's direct speech.
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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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You certainly know your period. This is good stuff, marred by a few mistakes. I think you mean "blue breeches", rather than "a blue breaches", and "Everyone is silent, as the word strike home" is mistakenly included in Eudeyrn's direct speech.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to review my work. I have made the corrections...Mel.
