The I in Me
Joining of the self32 total reviews
Comment from emjaihammond
This poem reads so well. I thought it held some wisdom, and it shows a heart that wants to heal. Loved the imagery and the feel of the poem. Nicely written and makes a good point.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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This poem reads so well. I thought it held some wisdom, and it shows a heart that wants to heal. Loved the imagery and the feel of the poem. Nicely written and makes a good point.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Emjai,
thank you for your review and kind comments,it is very appreciated, take care.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from visionary1234
Hi James - haven't seen you posting for a while? Lovely to see your work again. I've given you a '4' on this one mainly just for some spaggy things which are easy enough to correct - let me know when done and I'll come back again and re-rate, ok? Ellipses (...) will always have space/dots/space by the way.
big hugs, as always
:)Sharyn
How can I trust what you tell me?
How can I trust what you say?
One minute we're on top of the world
Next we're on a downward swirl (suggestion - this point here seems to be where you start the new thought, so I'd thinking of including the next 'loving' line as the first line of your new verse?? just a thought - feel free to totally ignore if it doesn't feel right)
You can be so loving
You can be so strong
It's that I believe in - this line doesn't make 'sense' yet - do you mean it's that "I" I believe in?
It's there we belong
If you keep it stable
If I can keep an even keel
I know in my heart(spacing)... (spacing)we can heal
To be separated in this slighted way
To not know(Not to know - you don't want to split an infinitive?) our true path or know what to say
The confusion it causes...
Surly(Surely) can't last
How can you hurt us the way that you do?
How can you play games(spacing)...(spacing)the old and the new?
I live in the hope()...
I live in the dreams()...
That see's(sees) our life in sparkling streams
Flashes of colours()...()glazed by the light
Will give us all our tomorrows()...
Will save us all the sorrows...
It's that I believe in
It's to that I hold tight
I'll learn by the lessons that allows(allow - has to agree with 'lessons') me free flight
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi James - haven't seen you posting for a while? Lovely to see your work again. I've given you a '4' on this one mainly just for some spaggy things which are easy enough to correct - let me know when done and I'll come back again and re-rate, ok? Ellipses (...) will always have space/dots/space by the way.
big hugs, as always
:)Sharyn
How can I trust what you tell me?
How can I trust what you say?
One minute we're on top of the world
Next we're on a downward swirl (suggestion - this point here seems to be where you start the new thought, so I'd thinking of including the next 'loving' line as the first line of your new verse?? just a thought - feel free to totally ignore if it doesn't feel right)
You can be so loving
You can be so strong
It's that I believe in - this line doesn't make 'sense' yet - do you mean it's that "I" I believe in?
It's there we belong
If you keep it stable
If I can keep an even keel
I know in my heart(spacing)... (spacing)we can heal
To be separated in this slighted way
To not know(Not to know - you don't want to split an infinitive?) our true path or know what to say
The confusion it causes...
Surly(Surely) can't last
How can you hurt us the way that you do?
How can you play games(spacing)...(spacing)the old and the new?
I live in the hope()...
I live in the dreams()...
That see's(sees) our life in sparkling streams
Flashes of colours()...()glazed by the light
Will give us all our tomorrows()...
Will save us all the sorrows...
It's that I believe in
It's to that I hold tight
I'll learn by the lessons that allows(allow - has to agree with 'lessons') me free flight
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Sharyn,
thank you for your comprehensive review it is very appreciated. Yeah I've still have so much to learn, but I guess I will always be doing that in some form or another. Take care my friend.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
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aren't we ALL??? As I said, though, James - let me know so I can come take another peek for you - these are all easy corrections, yes??
Blessings & huge hugs
Sharyn
Comment from mizzkris20
This is a very good self poem that I think we can all relate to at one time or another. This is a very good self analysis of yourself James. Thanks for sharing. Now I'm about to analyze myself,lol
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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This is a very good self poem that I think we can all relate to at one time or another. This is a very good self analysis of yourself James. Thanks for sharing. Now I'm about to analyze myself,lol
Comment Written 02-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Ms Kris,
don't do it, you'll drive yourself crazy. Or at least that's my excuse - smile. Thank you for your fine review, you know it's always appreciated, take care.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from reconciled
Hey...my brother...-smile-...exceptionally well written...you know...someone asked me once...why do you love me....I ran off a bunch of common answers...but...the question followed me ...later that night...I realized..it was because of the way she made me feel about me. who ever you love like this...is a very lucky girl James...alright...you rock and we know it...love Michael
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hey...my brother...-smile-...exceptionally well written...you know...someone asked me once...why do you love me....I ran off a bunch of common answers...but...the question followed me ...later that night...I realized..it was because of the way she made me feel about me. who ever you love like this...is a very lucky girl James...alright...you rock and we know it...love Michael
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hey Michael,
thanks friend very nice things to say... But it was all about me... No one else involved in this confusing self portrait. Love you brother and hope you're doing well.
Kindest thoughts,
James
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whoops....lol...that's why I write more than review...its safer...-wink-...sorry brother...she's still lucky...-smile-
Comment from Spiritual Echo
"I am I said, to no one there and no one heard, not eeen a chair." Neil Diamond.
Some people really get us and care about our reaction to the world. Others factor in how we fulfill their lives.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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"I am I said, to no one there and no one heard, not eeen a chair." Neil Diamond.
Some people really get us and care about our reaction to the world. Others factor in how we fulfill their lives.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Ingrid,
very insightful stuff there, enjoyed the quote and your fine review. I'm still trying hard to get back and read your prompt entry, sorry I've been a tad snowed under. And I have enough trouble trying to factor in how to fulfill my life without trying to do it for someone else, take care.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from Peppy1105
I liked this poem a lot. It is a decision that everyone has to make in their life whether they want to live life to the fullest or stay parked in the past with a smoking engine.
I think this portrayed the confusion of who to trust in life very well. Maybe it's those who deserve our trust the most that we refuse to give it to, but how can we know that?
This author is very talented!
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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I liked this poem a lot. It is a decision that everyone has to make in their life whether they want to live life to the fullest or stay parked in the past with a smoking engine.
I think this portrayed the confusion of who to trust in life very well. Maybe it's those who deserve our trust the most that we refuse to give it to, but how can we know that?
This author is very talented!
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Peppy, I thank you very much for your interpretation of my poem, its always good to see what comes from my writes. Thank you very much for this fine review,much appreciated.
Kindest thoughts,
James
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is superbly written and the message comes thru well. Found a serious error, something you will want to watch for every time you write! The rule follows:
>>That see's our life in sparkling streams
There is no apostrophe in SEES.
Plural Words
Never use apostrophe-S to make a word plural (more than one of something). Use just an s (or es or ies where required). Save apostrophes for possessive nouns, to show ownership.
Examples
Wrong: The suitcase's are in the trunk.
Right: The suitcases are in the trunk.
Wrong: I'm invited to three party's this month.
Right: I'm invited to three parties this month.
This is true even for uncommon plural nouns.
1. Schoolchildren look forward to Saturdays.
2. People will be grouped in threes and fours.
3. There were three Garys in my class this year.
4. The 1960s were wild!
5. The EMTs are on their way to an accident.
Examples with both plurals and possessives
1. The older boys (plural) liked the little boy's (possessive) dog.
2. Sundays (plural) are for church. Sunday's (possessive) sermon was good.
3. How many Aprils have you lived through? (plural) I don't like April's weather. (possessive)
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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This is superbly written and the message comes thru well. Found a serious error, something you will want to watch for every time you write! The rule follows:
>>That see's our life in sparkling streams
There is no apostrophe in SEES.
Plural Words
Never use apostrophe-S to make a word plural (more than one of something). Use just an s (or es or ies where required). Save apostrophes for possessive nouns, to show ownership.
Examples
Wrong: The suitcase's are in the trunk.
Right: The suitcases are in the trunk.
Wrong: I'm invited to three party's this month.
Right: I'm invited to three parties this month.
This is true even for uncommon plural nouns.
1. Schoolchildren look forward to Saturdays.
2. People will be grouped in threes and fours.
3. There were three Garys in my class this year.
4. The 1960s were wild!
5. The EMTs are on their way to an accident.
Examples with both plurals and possessives
1. The older boys (plural) liked the little boy's (possessive) dog.
2. Sundays (plural) are for church. Sunday's (possessive) sermon was good.
3. How many Aprils have you lived through? (plural) I don't like April's weather. (possessive)
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Phyllis,
thank you very much for your in-depth review in explaining the uses of my apostrophes, I appreciate your time and effort very much.
Kindest thoughts,
James xx
Comment from Rmocruz
A very valid message is clearly presented in this randomly rhymed verse. Thank you for the simple wording, for I find
much of the poetry I review to be aloof.
Excellent writing.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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A very valid message is clearly presented in this randomly rhymed verse. Thank you for the simple wording, for I find
much of the poetry I review to be aloof.
Excellent writing.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Rmocruz,
thank you for your kind comments and your fine review, I appreciate it very much,
kindest thoughts,
James
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You're welcome James.
Rich.
Comment from krys123
"You can be so strong" and, "It's that I believe in" confusing me just a little, help me here? "To not know" to maybe " Not knowing". (my interpretation) The imagery, context and imagery is very good. great poem Jumbo J.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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"You can be so strong" and, "It's that I believe in" confusing me just a little, help me here? "To not know" to maybe " Not knowing". (my interpretation) The imagery, context and imagery is very good. great poem Jumbo J.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Krys,
well it's all about me, I'm talking about myself to myself and for myself. So I'm telling myself I can be strong, I'm telling myself I have to believe the positive side of what I am. Sorry to confuse you, but you should be me. Thank you for your review, I appreciate you dropping by. Kindest thoughts,
James
Comment from Loodie
It is a struggle sometimes to fight within yourself. I can relate deeply to this writing. I feel as if no one can put you down more than yourself. As funny as it may sound, everyone should encourage his or her own self.
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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It is a struggle sometimes to fight within yourself. I can relate deeply to this writing. I feel as if no one can put you down more than yourself. As funny as it may sound, everyone should encourage his or her own self.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 02-Jun-2013
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Hi Loodie,
never have truer words been spoken, it all has to start within ourselves. Thank you very much for your insightful review and your generous rating, it is very appreciated.
Kindest thoughts,
James
