The Frog That Couldn't Swim
A Super Pig adventure29 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
The child,and adullt, in me really enjoyed this herat-warming tale. It would be great for kids who are coping with bullies and low self esteem to read this. What a self esteem booster.
Thoroughly enjoyable and well written.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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The child,and adullt, in me really enjoyed this herat-warming tale. It would be great for kids who are coping with bullies and low self esteem to read this. What a self esteem booster.
Thoroughly enjoyable and well written.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Thanks so much. Super Pig is always fun to write. Rox
Comment from Deniz22
I think this is a well told story perfect for young children. It confronts evil, overcomes adversity and promotes helping others. Good job, Rox!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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I think this is a well told story perfect for young children. It confronts evil, overcomes adversity and promotes helping others. Good job, Rox!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Thanks so much Dennis. Rox
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi Roxanna,
You have written a wonderful story for children with lessons and morals, and in the end success. I really like the characters, their struggles and achievements.
I have noted some small changes you may want to address.
"I am." Izabella daddy... Izabella's daddy.
The Bullfrog brothers decided to leave. "We'll be back,"they said as they... You might want to change one of the they.
The paragraph "He couldn't swim either... Take out the speech tag after in my own time. You want to keep the conversation going until the end; They didn't make fun of him any more."
Something new I learned only two weeks ago, snuck is not a word. I too have used it my entire life. LOL Past tense of sneak is sneaked.
"Look who's trying to swim," they teased, laughing at Justus. This is good, but you might want to use either teased or laughed.
I like Pinky Pig. She's a great character. I like that she slept near the pond and was the hero of the story. One area I'm not sure of; "Pinky Pig ran for the woodshed." I'd take this right out.
You have such a sweet story for a younger audience. Many children fear the water. This story will help to encourage kids and most importantly, show them that it's okay to be afraid. Sometimes it takes time to learn how to swim. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Hi Roxanna,
You have written a wonderful story for children with lessons and morals, and in the end success. I really like the characters, their struggles and achievements.
I have noted some small changes you may want to address.
"I am." Izabella daddy... Izabella's daddy.
The Bullfrog brothers decided to leave. "We'll be back,"they said as they... You might want to change one of the they.
The paragraph "He couldn't swim either... Take out the speech tag after in my own time. You want to keep the conversation going until the end; They didn't make fun of him any more."
Something new I learned only two weeks ago, snuck is not a word. I too have used it my entire life. LOL Past tense of sneak is sneaked.
"Look who's trying to swim," they teased, laughing at Justus. This is good, but you might want to use either teased or laughed.
I like Pinky Pig. She's a great character. I like that she slept near the pond and was the hero of the story. One area I'm not sure of; "Pinky Pig ran for the woodshed." I'd take this right out.
You have such a sweet story for a younger audience. Many children fear the water. This story will help to encourage kids and most importantly, show them that it's okay to be afraid. Sometimes it takes time to learn how to swim. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Thanks so much Rosalyne. I made changes and corrections. Pinky keeps her costume in the woodshed so many of my stories have her run to the woodshed, but I don't included it as much now. I took it out. Thanks for the great feedback. Rox
Comment from david bell
First of all, the paragraph id too long. Don't moralize at the end of the story. If this is to be a picture book, it is too long. Keep in mind, in children's books the main characters has to solve the problem by himself. May have too many characters.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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First of all, the paragraph id too long. Don't moralize at the end of the story. If this is to be a picture book, it is too long. Keep in mind, in children's books the main characters has to solve the problem by himself. May have too many characters.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Do you mean the paragraph of the dad telling the story? I did cut it down some. The story has about 950 words which is usual for my SP stories. It is too long for 2-3 yr olds, but 4-6 do really well with that length and older kids seem to like them too. But I'll do more research to see if I need to cut it back more. Thanks so much David.
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I would break up the paragraph about your dad, just my humble thoughts, but I'm not a kid.
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I'll look it over again, thanks. rox
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I decided to make that paragraph in 2 parts with the little asking a question in between. Iike it much better. thanks. Rox
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Sometimes it takes two sets of eyes to see better
Comment from paulinedr
Great children's story, complete with moral point. A little polishing and this piece will be ready for publishing. Children will love the tension of the young frog who cannot swim, struggling with the bullying of the Bull frog brothers. The concept of everyone having their own pace for learning is a relieving concept for those who are pushed a little to hard by their support groups.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Great children's story, complete with moral point. A little polishing and this piece will be ready for publishing. Children will love the tension of the young frog who cannot swim, struggling with the bullying of the Bull frog brothers. The concept of everyone having their own pace for learning is a relieving concept for those who are pushed a little to hard by their support groups.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Thanks so much Pauline. I love my SP stories. =}
Comment from angelface2
It's a great idea, Roxanna. Go for it! It teaches a great lesson, with words and images that children can relate to. I really like it. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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It's a great idea, Roxanna. Go for it! It teaches a great lesson, with words and images that children can relate to. I really like it. Miss Sally
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Thanks so much Miss Sally. =}
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Hi Rox,
I enjoyed the concept of this story. As a child's story you have used age appropriate words and imagery.
A green light from me, pursue it and see where it leads.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Hi Rox,
I enjoyed the concept of this story. As a child's story you have used age appropriate words and imagery.
A green light from me, pursue it and see where it leads.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much Maureen. My first love are my stories, it fun to be writing one again. Rox
Comment from kleck140
What a wonderful story. You need to write more like this.
Reading your writing is truly a joy. It proves good writing doesn't need sex or vulgar language. I want to read more of your writing. Keep up the good work. You have talent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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What a wonderful story. You need to write more like this.
Reading your writing is truly a joy. It proves good writing doesn't need sex or vulgar language. I want to read more of your writing. Keep up the good work. You have talent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Well thank you so much. I love writing my SP stories, they are my first love so it's fun to be writing one again. I hope to have 3 books out by Christmas. This story won't be included, 2 of the books are multi story books, but hopefully in the next one. Justus is named for my sweet little nephew, whom I'm sure will have no problems learning to swim. I always name my characters after family and friends. They get such a thrill out of it. =} Thank you again, Rox
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Thanks for your quick reply!
Comment from angelmagnet
I think this is a great children's story with the wonderful message. This has so many possibilities. Who knows what else you could teach to kids using frogs as examples. My feedback is go for it
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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I think this is a great children's story with the wonderful message. This has so many possibilities. Who knows what else you could teach to kids using frogs as examples. My feedback is go for it
Comment Written 31-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much. I love writing my SP stories. I hope to have 3 books out by Christmas, this won't be included this time but hopefully in the next book. Thank you to for the 6 stars. I'm honored. rox
