Never to Return
5/7/5 contest entry24 total reviews
Comment from Leineco
I love the concept here -
once home for wild creatures, now development intrudes :-(
BUT, you have a syllable count hiccup (your 3rd line is only 4 syllables :-(
Luckily, it's easily fixable :-)
in lush green forest
Where Bald Eagles once nested
now real estate thrives
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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I love the concept here -
once home for wild creatures, now development intrudes :-(
BUT, you have a syllable count hiccup (your 3rd line is only 4 syllables :-(
Luckily, it's easily fixable :-)
in lush green forest
Where Bald Eagles once nested
now real estate thrives
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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No, I think I corrected that mistake, but none the less I will look at it again. Thank you for the review.
Comment from RodG
This poem is very good social commentary and makes a clear statement in defense of bald eagles. I am not sure a haiku was the best way to send your message as one sentence ends abruptly in the middle of line 2 with no punctuation.. May I suggest this revision: in lush green forest/ bald eagles once thrived where/ realtors thrive now.
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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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This poem is very good social commentary and makes a clear statement in defense of bald eagles. I am not sure a haiku was the best way to send your message as one sentence ends abruptly in the middle of line 2 with no punctuation.. May I suggest this revision: in lush green forest/ bald eagles once thrived where/ realtors thrive now.
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Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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that is a very good suggestion and I am taking it, as that line was really bothering me without punctuation. Thank you so much.
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I read your revision. Your last line now has only 4 syllables and needs 5 for this contest.
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I'm sorry but "real" has two syllables, estate has two, and thrives has one. I have had to tell another person the syllable count and they concurred. Please look at a dictionary or an on line site for syllable counting. None the less, you gave me a very special tip tonight.
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Thank you. I just learned something (after consulting a dictionary as you suggested) that surprised me. Where I live, "real" is pronounced as ONE syllable like REEL.
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None the less, thank you for all your help.
Comment from brittanydawngray
You are so right about how the nests and environments of nature are torn down and wiped away by man. It messes up the cycle of life within nature, therefore destroying beautiful creatures. Great poem.
Brittany Dawn Gray
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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You are so right about how the nests and environments of nature are torn down and wiped away by man. It messes up the cycle of life within nature, therefore destroying beautiful creatures. Great poem.
Brittany Dawn Gray
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Thank you
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you are very welcome
Comment from kiwijenny
This is so sad. I think we lived in a nesting pattern for buzzards. We watched about fifty fly over us to land in a tree where they hung like umbrellas. Those trees have been cut down. I don't know where they nest now. It did make me ask for the vege burger. It was a bit ominous grilling out with fifty buzzards flying around:o)
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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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This is so sad. I think we lived in a nesting pattern for buzzards. We watched about fifty fly over us to land in a tree where they hung like umbrellas. Those trees have been cut down. I don't know where they nest now. It did make me ask for the vege burger. It was a bit ominous grilling out with fifty buzzards flying around:o)
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Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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I know, it is so simple to save these nests but .....