The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "HIS TURN TO HEAL"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
38 total reviews
Comment from smudge
The introduction was very helpful. The charectors are developing well. It is an imaginative and action pact chapter. A well presented interesting posting.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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The introduction was very helpful. The charectors are developing well. It is an imaginative and action pact chapter. A well presented interesting posting.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Smudge! Remember me? From about 4 years ago. I'm baaaaaaak! Thanks for the reward! I'm glad you enjoyed the read. I'm a bit prejudiced, but I believe it gets better from here on. Especially with your visit. Again, thanks.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Jay,
A splendid write - the pace really picks up here. And what a cliff hanger!
Of course your reader has to come back to find out if this clueless medic has finished her off or healed her!
Well done!
Until next time,
Sonali :)
gasped, reached down for her ankle, and (no comma) losing her balance(,) fell into the brush
her and she and it tumbled down the hillside .. suggest: ... and she tumbled with it down the hillside
Her (i)rises were still bouncing around(no comma needed)
madly
Can you hear me(?)" I asked again
in this area(, b)ut this looked like a snake bite and while I didn't remember ever knowing anything about first-aid(,) it seemed
a brittle branch from the trunk ..of a tree? (An elephant's trunk?? A luggage trunk??? :) )
. I (laid) my palm on her forehead and cheek, then on her
And(no comma needed) with the darkness would (come) the cold
didn't happen until after dark(?) (this is a question, right?)
I leveraged myself as best I could and bending over it(,) I rocked it back and forth
somewhere to my right(.) I felt so helpless
. I could see by the (firelight) that the skin was
"What are you doing?" .. how about adding ... she said/ or .. that was her voice ...
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Hello Jay,
A splendid write - the pace really picks up here. And what a cliff hanger!
Of course your reader has to come back to find out if this clueless medic has finished her off or healed her!
Well done!
Until next time,
Sonali :)
gasped, reached down for her ankle, and (no comma) losing her balance(,) fell into the brush
her and she and it tumbled down the hillside .. suggest: ... and she tumbled with it down the hillside
Her (i)rises were still bouncing around(no comma needed)
madly
Can you hear me(?)" I asked again
in this area(, b)ut this looked like a snake bite and while I didn't remember ever knowing anything about first-aid(,) it seemed
a brittle branch from the trunk ..of a tree? (An elephant's trunk?? A luggage trunk??? :) )
. I (laid) my palm on her forehead and cheek, then on her
And(no comma needed) with the darkness would (come) the cold
didn't happen until after dark(?) (this is a question, right?)
I leveraged myself as best I could and bending over it(,) I rocked it back and forth
somewhere to my right(.) I felt so helpless
. I could see by the (firelight) that the skin was
"What are you doing?" .. how about adding ... she said/ or .. that was her voice ...
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Once again, Sonali, you are up to the task. I'll check out the grammatical parts this afternoon, but the other areas I wait until after the post drops to consider. The reason for that, by the way (and I'm not sure you've had the experience) is that I've had people reading my post only to have it "shut down" in the middle of it. It was while I was editing it. One went back and started it again, but the other gave up in frustration. But, again, I can't thank you enough for the time you've taken on this.
Jay
Comment from dreamin'
Hi Jay,
Great 3rd chapter! Very descriptive, more added drama with Axtilla being bit, and it appears the nameless guy is going to turn out to be decent, after all. :) Speaking of names, will he get one soon?
I loved the ending When I read "What are you doing?" I instantly got the sense that Axtilla was not the one speaking. Perfect page turner!
Now I wait for chapter 4
Debbie
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Hi Jay,
Great 3rd chapter! Very descriptive, more added drama with Axtilla being bit, and it appears the nameless guy is going to turn out to be decent, after all. :) Speaking of names, will he get one soon?
I loved the ending When I read "What are you doing?" I instantly got the sense that Axtilla was not the one speaking. Perfect page turner!
Now I wait for chapter 4
Debbie
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Debbie, a post isn't complete without your comments. Thank you! Yes ... his name comes next chapter. Hope to see you there.
Comment from Amsterdam
it is obvious you're talented writer.
it is obvious you have a great imagination.
it is obvious you are my elder.
It is obvious
There is no gold in currency
There is no silver in currency
There is nothing backing currency.
1939?
You lived through JFK.
prop: 111110?
federal reserve?
I know, .....
You would rather me be looking for a mis spelled word of yours.
the Romans were happy to be in the Coliseum and watch their. Currency disappear.
Keep that in mind.
Ty, for the time ...
Friend.
Elder.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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it is obvious you're talented writer.
it is obvious you have a great imagination.
it is obvious you are my elder.
It is obvious
There is no gold in currency
There is no silver in currency
There is nothing backing currency.
1939?
You lived through JFK.
prop: 111110?
federal reserve?
I know, .....
You would rather me be looking for a mis spelled word of yours.
the Romans were happy to be in the Coliseum and watch their. Currency disappear.
Keep that in mind.
Ty, for the time ...
Friend.
Elder.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Amsterdam. Ha! I see a theme developing here. You're a coin collector, aren't you? No, wait! A currency collector. That's it. The Euro!!! So, thanks for dipping so deeply into my chapter you found it worthy of the extra currency of the chartreuse cross.
Lotta joking and teasing going on here, but, sincerely -- thanks!
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just two "smart asses" having a go, I suppose ... Currency, in any form of paper, is fake. I do not collect it. matter of fact I don't even touch it so damn dirty.... Gold coins... Hmm, I wasn't the collector...
My family was though...
Even back in 1933 for some dumb reason.
;)
I did read it. That chapter, anyways...
But that's how people see each other, isn't it..?
Good, to meet you.
obviously you have knowledge I don't ...
and for that I respect you .
No bs. Real talk.
Am
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You know, some of my best friendships formed after we started out at each other's throats for some reason. BTW, know what? I actually thought Am was part of your original poem. When I said I didn't quite understand it, I was being serious.
We'll talk, friend.
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;)
And that's how people...
communicate .
Someone said it might save us all.
Am.
Comment from Adri7enne
I read with interest, Jay. You really take your time with descriptions, spending quite a bit of time in your character's head. Half-way through the chapter I concluded that's your style. I might do some trimming back on that in the second draft. Just my opinion, but it would increase the pace. I got a little antsy half-way through the fire making.
You paint great scenes, though. Good job, Jay.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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I read with interest, Jay. You really take your time with descriptions, spending quite a bit of time in your character's head. Half-way through the chapter I concluded that's your style. I might do some trimming back on that in the second draft. Just my opinion, but it would increase the pace. I got a little antsy half-way through the fire making.
You paint great scenes, though. Good job, Jay.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Always to be respected and listened closely to. I'll put this in my folder to be looked closely at during my next draft, after the post drops. Thanks my friend.
Comment from Norbanus
No-name has a lot of opportunities to learn the lay of the land as he searches for relief from the snake bite and to build a fire. Never a dull moment for Axtilla
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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No-name has a lot of opportunities to learn the lay of the land as he searches for relief from the snake bite and to build a fire. Never a dull moment for Axtilla
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thank you for your kind words, Norbanus.
Comment from Zue65
I am warming up to your characters Axtilla and your nameless warrior. Their adventure together as Axtilla got bitten by a snake and the frantic experiments of the warrior to save her with what a forest or a foreign terrain can provide is definitely exciting. More chapters please. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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I am warming up to your characters Axtilla and your nameless warrior. Their adventure together as Axtilla got bitten by a snake and the frantic experiments of the warrior to save her with what a forest or a foreign terrain can provide is definitely exciting. More chapters please. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2014
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Thank you so much, nassus! I'm glad you are enjoying this. Ihe next two chapters are seminal to the thrust of the novel.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay you know how to make a reader tense describing the climb up the mountain and taking care of the deadly snake bite.
Good lead in for the next chapter- when Axtilla said
"What are you doing?"
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Hello Jay you know how to make a reader tense describing the climb up the mountain and taking care of the deadly snake bite.
Good lead in for the next chapter- when Axtilla said
"What are you doing?"
Gert
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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I'm glad you are enjoying the Trining. I reminded you in your bookmark notification to read chapter 1, as you requested. Thanks for dropping by.
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You ar welcome Jay
Will read Chapter one soon as I can
Gert
Comment from James Dooney
Oh yes everyone has their time to heal come around at some point. I like what you have done here with this little note ! Good oh !
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Oh yes everyone has their time to heal come around at some point. I like what you have done here with this little note ! Good oh !
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Thank you, James.
Comment from padumachitta
hello. An interesting story. I like the fire bit, man i hate trying to start one without matches...stones and flint and such ugh...but it broke some of the tension for me, which was good.
An interesting story...I wonder what next.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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hello. An interesting story. I like the fire bit, man i hate trying to start one without matches...stones and flint and such ugh...but it broke some of the tension for me, which was good.
An interesting story...I wonder what next.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2014
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Thank you for reading, my friend. What's next is a lot of deep stuff explained. You'll like it.