The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "KOJUTAKE"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
31 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Okay, now we're getting somewhere. I like the quick pace of the dialogue, made even quicker by less speech tags. I love the cliff hanger ending. Only one spag and that was near the end. The quote marks at the beginning of No, Axtilla, I don't...
This was a very pivotal chapter with the bombshell of the suicide. I am starting to get more of a feel for the main character, Doctor X. I want to know who the woman in the dream is and if the child was his child, not himself.
This is getting good.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Okay, now we're getting somewhere. I like the quick pace of the dialogue, made even quicker by less speech tags. I love the cliff hanger ending. Only one spag and that was near the end. The quote marks at the beginning of No, Axtilla, I don't...
This was a very pivotal chapter with the bombshell of the suicide. I am starting to get more of a feel for the main character, Doctor X. I want to know who the woman in the dream is and if the child was his child, not himself.
This is getting good.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Good, Gretchen! You're asking all the right questions. Hope the chapters ahead answer a few of them. Thanks for the eagle-eye. I'm going back to correct it now.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Awfully long. I did find it interesting. Not really a sci-fi fan but will follow a while and see where it goes. I did like Star Trec. LOL Good job. Nancy
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Awfully long. I did find it interesting. Not really a sci-fi fan but will follow a while and see where it goes. I did like Star Trec. LOL Good job. Nancy
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Really? Long? Well, I can save you time, Honeycomb. Some chapters will be longer. And all will be Sci-fi -- But, yes, LOL, there'll be a bit of the startrek
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I'm enjoying this story a great deal, Jay. Well written with interesting characters. It seems that Axtilla knows everything and Doctrex is scrambling to remember and keep up. Love the touches of the magical. Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I'm enjoying this story a great deal, Jay. Well written with interesting characters. It seems that Axtilla knows everything and Doctrex is scrambling to remember and keep up. Love the touches of the magical. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I'm so glad you stopped by and read, Green Lake Girl. Thanks. I hope you come back and read the rest of them. The next two chapters are key!
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I'll be there! I'm committed.
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Okay, I wait for answers, but in that wait, I am captivated by the story. What is he or who,
I am always gald to have a recap..just to get back into the feel.
keep writing..
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Hi. Okay, I wait for answers, but in that wait, I am captivated by the story. What is he or who,
I am always gald to have a recap..just to get back into the feel.
keep writing..
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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thank you for stopping by. I'm glad you're enjoying it. Will you return? Read the next two chapters and I guarantee you'll be hooked.
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Yup, I'll be back...I will fan you so I don't miss it...I am not on the site all the time...so I miss stuff otherwise...
padumachitta
(ps, try my Black Bike book, if you want)
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Once again I have been totally absorbed while reading this chapter, my second, and I haven't had time to go back to 1 and 2 yet. It is most unusual with the characters playing mind games as well as situated in another dimension. Giddy
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Once again I have been totally absorbed while reading this chapter, my second, and I haven't had time to go back to 1 and 2 yet. It is most unusual with the characters playing mind games as well as situated in another dimension. Giddy
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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I hope you have a chance to read the other two chapters. They give a lot of the psychological background for the characters. I try to have meaningful summaries of previous chapters, but that only can do so much. Come back often. And, where're my manners?: thank you for your kind words!
Comment from c_lucas
What appears to be pagan mythology has its roots in the truth. This is very well well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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What appears to be pagan mythology has its roots in the truth. This is very well well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2014
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Thanks once again, Charlie. This is my first attempt at a Fantasy. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Comment from yarnteller
Exciting chapter that brings the characters to life with fantastic dialogue and a great story line. Can't wait for the next chapter and definitely all future chapters you churn out. Nicely done, Jay.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Exciting chapter that brings the characters to life with fantastic dialogue and a great story line. Can't wait for the next chapter and definitely all future chapters you churn out. Nicely done, Jay.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Much obliged, Yarnteller (Why doesn't anyone have a name around here?... LOL) Seriously, please do catch the next chapters. The next two, in particular, are key!
Comment from dreamin'
I absolutely love it when a writer can end a chapter with more questions than answers! Jay, you have created so much conflict in this story, I'm going to be duly impressed when you resolve it all.
At his mention of the aurora borealis, I instantly thought, okay, they ARE on Earth, and not some alien planet.
And then when Axtilla said "It would be better for you if you remember his past life yourself--" and the fact that he killed himself, I was thrown mightily for a joyful loop.
The only technical item I found was in the sentence beginning "Leaning back against the log, next to Axtilla... "wasn't any lightening (lightning)associated with it.
Debbie
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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I absolutely love it when a writer can end a chapter with more questions than answers! Jay, you have created so much conflict in this story, I'm going to be duly impressed when you resolve it all.
At his mention of the aurora borealis, I instantly thought, okay, they ARE on Earth, and not some alien planet.
And then when Axtilla said "It would be better for you if you remember his past life yourself--" and the fact that he killed himself, I was thrown mightily for a joyful loop.
The only technical item I found was in the sentence beginning "Leaning back against the log, next to Axtilla... "wasn't any lightening (lightning)associated with it.
Debbie
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Resolve? I have to resolve it? I've got my work cut out for me. thanks, Debbie. And thank you for picking out what I never would have seen. I don't know whether to go into it now and risk the screen going blank for a new reader. No, I'd better wait. But I'm pasting this in my folder to change later. You know I just noticed you honored me with an extra doo-hickey (they used to have another star, years ago) -- Bless you Debbie for giving me that.
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You're welcome. And yes, you have to resolve it!
Comment from Righteous Riter
Thanks for the prelude because it helped me better understand the chapter I just read. Good transition from chapter three to four. Clear dialogue between the characters. Smooth transition between the events. Nice and steady pace leading to a conclusion filled with conversation to earn one another's trust.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thanks for the prelude because it helped me better understand the chapter I just read. Good transition from chapter three to four. Clear dialogue between the characters. Smooth transition between the events. Nice and steady pace leading to a conclusion filled with conversation to earn one another's trust.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you for stopping by and reading. I'm kind of happy with this chapter, but the next two coming up will be key. I hope you give them a read.
Comment from LovnPeace
I agree about the art. This picture is amazing. I am enjoying the interchange here though some expressions are beyond me. I isn't because I missed other chapters. I admire writers who have such vivid imaginations. I have virtually none. I get the jest of the story.
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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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I agree about the art. This picture is amazing. I am enjoying the interchange here though some expressions are beyond me. I isn't because I missed other chapters. I admire writers who have such vivid imaginations. I have virtually none. I get the jest of the story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2014
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Thank you LovnPeace! I'm sure you have more imagination than you let on, but I thank you for your compliment. Glad you stopped by.
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No I truly don't have any Jay, but that is ok. I am content with me. :)Blessings. Barbara