Quest
Share a Story in a Poem Entry34 total reviews
Comment from Erik McGinley
Excellent poem. Being a bit tired atm I didn't quite flow the metaphor from the start but that last stanza is extremely powerful.
Very nice poem. I enjoyed reading it a lot.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Excellent poem. Being a bit tired atm I didn't quite flow the metaphor from the start but that last stanza is extremely powerful.
Very nice poem. I enjoyed reading it a lot.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Erik.
Steve
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
For me, the true beauty of a poem is how it reads aloud, how it sounds. You're fast becoming the master of alliteration, internal rhyme, and the long vowel sound. Metrics are totally ignored, however it has a cadence of its own and carries progressive emotional content. Brilliant imagery and description enable the story as well. I read it silently first, then aloud. I thought that during the silent read the story was lost in places due to the poetics. However when I read it aloud all that changed, and the poem jumped off the page with life, and a story. I think you've successfully merged the two and have a strong contest entry here. This reads some like the Welsh poetry of Dylan Thomas. Stay off the sauce, and best of luck. Kenny
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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For me, the true beauty of a poem is how it reads aloud, how it sounds. You're fast becoming the master of alliteration, internal rhyme, and the long vowel sound. Metrics are totally ignored, however it has a cadence of its own and carries progressive emotional content. Brilliant imagery and description enable the story as well. I read it silently first, then aloud. I thought that during the silent read the story was lost in places due to the poetics. However when I read it aloud all that changed, and the poem jumped off the page with life, and a story. I think you've successfully merged the two and have a strong contest entry here. This reads some like the Welsh poetry of Dylan Thomas. Stay off the sauce, and best of luck. Kenny
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2014
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As I understand it Dylan Thomas could barely speak a word of Welsh, and no, I'm not likely to drink myself into a stupor to improve my poetry.
You doe deserve a prize of some sort for being the first and only reviewer to mention him as I did borrow the rhyme scheme and the 'unmetrical' cadence from one of his poems (In Country Sleep, if you want to check out how the boyo did it). And originally this was more of a patchwork of sounds than it is now - I decided to cobble the story-line into it for the sake of the contest.
Thanks for the kind words and the keen eye and ear!
Steve
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He only had a 300 word writing vocabulary, so naturally many words and some phrases repeat themselves throughout his 18 poems. I caught a couple of them in your poem. Otherwise (and, In Country Sleep is one of my favs) I seen no similarities. He often used combos of iambs and anapests. When younger, occasionally I'd get drunk and read all 18 to the neighborhood. I unconsciously committed parts of all 18 to rote. I loved reading your verse. Kenny
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~!
Wow! This is an absolutely amazing story. Heart-breaking is the word I'd use to define it.
he story-line was great and left a lasting impression on me.
Good luck with the contest~!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)/~KAUSAR~(^_^)
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Hello there~!
Wow! This is an absolutely amazing story. Heart-breaking is the word I'd use to define it.
he story-line was great and left a lasting impression on me.
Good luck with the contest~!
JazakAllah Khair~!
(God Bless~!)
(^_^)/~KAUSAR~(^_^)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thankss for reading and reviewing my sad tale.
Steve
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
'Quest' is an extremely well-written and heart-breaking piece. To die in order to save the one you love is so very hard to bear. It was a privilege to both read and review a work of this quality.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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'Quest' is an extremely well-written and heart-breaking piece. To die in order to save the one you love is so very hard to bear. It was a privilege to both read and review a work of this quality.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thank you for the kind words and the six stars.
Steve
Steve, you deserved the kind words and the six, sparkling stars.
Best wishes, the Duchess
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is beautiful, kiwisteveh, a mixture of prose and rhyme, the love that transcends time, the death that is allowed to let another live. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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this is beautiful, kiwisteveh, a mixture of prose and rhyme, the love that transcends time, the death that is allowed to let another live. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much for the generous review and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
This was definitely one of your more challenging pieces, Steve. Particularly I found the first verse somewhat of a tongue twister, however I did like the format and expression, and I wish you the best of luck with it, Giddy
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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This was definitely one of your more challenging pieces, Steve. Particularly I found the first verse somewhat of a tongue twister, however I did like the format and expression, and I wish you the best of luck with it, Giddy
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Giddy.
I was trying to utilise some of the style of Dylan Thomas - now if you really want a tongue-twister you could try some of his!
Steve
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hey, Steve...
Start counting your funny money now, O' talented one, 'cause I think you've got another winner here. I've read many entries over the past several weeks since I released my own, and this is right up there with the very best. Heck, it just might even be the best, and I mean no offense to any other poet in this contest. I even have a dog in this fight as well, and it is far better than mine, so... Of course, that is only my opinion.
Excellent visual imagery, as you catapult your readers back to what felt to me like medieval times. I especially liked the image of the owl, soaring over the fields of wheat in search of prey.
As usual you've incorporated excellent alliteration and internal rhyming, a fantastic tempo, and a compelling story. A bit dark in some places (I hated the fact that the good prince died!), yet cheerfully light and airy in others.
Very creative, imaginative and extremely well presented and composed.
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest, although I doubt very much that you'll need it.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Hey, Steve...
Start counting your funny money now, O' talented one, 'cause I think you've got another winner here. I've read many entries over the past several weeks since I released my own, and this is right up there with the very best. Heck, it just might even be the best, and I mean no offense to any other poet in this contest. I even have a dog in this fight as well, and it is far better than mine, so... Of course, that is only my opinion.
Excellent visual imagery, as you catapult your readers back to what felt to me like medieval times. I especially liked the image of the owl, soaring over the fields of wheat in search of prey.
As usual you've incorporated excellent alliteration and internal rhyming, a fantastic tempo, and a compelling story. A bit dark in some places (I hated the fact that the good prince died!), yet cheerfully light and airy in others.
Very creative, imaginative and extremely well presented and composed.
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest, although I doubt very much that you'll need it.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Dean - I have learnt never to be over-confident in these site contests. The competition is always strong and you can never tell which way the judges will jump
I am glad you enjoyed this piece. It is really an experiment with a rhyme scheme and stanza structure I found in a piece by Dylan Thomas. Not having my usual regular meter feels strange to me, although it does have a cadence of its own.
Thanks again for the dose of confidence.
Steve
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You're very welcome, Steve.
Comment from rmj09
This poem has great mental pictures I love the part about the child asleep in a farmers croft. As well as the owl flying over the wheat watching for it's prey. As the poem expands the story grows. It has good rhythm taking you from word to word.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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This poem has great mental pictures I love the part about the child asleep in a farmers croft. As well as the owl flying over the wheat watching for it's prey. As the poem expands the story grows. It has good rhythm taking you from word to word.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Glasstruth
Wow! You've really captured the feel of those times. Very elegantly written. Nice alliteration and internal rhyming. For trying something different, that you did. Awesome writing. Les
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Wow! You've really captured the feel of those times. Very elegantly written. Nice alliteration and internal rhyming. For trying something different, that you did. Awesome writing. Les
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks, Les.
Steve
Comment from prefabmouse
A very artsy piece. I enjoyed the story and the words you chose really made it feel 'of old'. You wrote it so well that I could actually see and hear the story. Great job
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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A very artsy piece. I enjoyed the story and the words you chose really made it feel 'of old'. You wrote it so well that I could actually see and hear the story. Great job
Comment Written 27-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
