Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 47 "CareFree Days of Summer"A book of Poetry & Writing
106 total reviews
Comment from ProSongwriter
Hi! Just been here a little over a day. Nice to "meet"you!
What a poignant story! I think many of this can relate to this. I see you have earned several awards for this piece. It's easy to see why. You have touched secret spot that almost all of us have tucked away somewhere. We don't like to be reminded of it, but it will never totally disappear. "What if" is a strong emotion and we all suffer it. You have out it very nicely in context. I enjoyed my read very much ... thank you! Wishing you continued success.
Alan
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Hi! Just been here a little over a day. Nice to "meet"you!
What a poignant story! I think many of this can relate to this. I see you have earned several awards for this piece. It's easy to see why. You have touched secret spot that almost all of us have tucked away somewhere. We don't like to be reminded of it, but it will never totally disappear. "What if" is a strong emotion and we all suffer it. You have out it very nicely in context. I enjoyed my read very much ... thank you! Wishing you continued success.
Alan
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Thanks Alan w
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You are very welcome.
Comment from expressions9
Hi Deepwater,
This is a nicely reflective poem that can take readers down memory lane and is complemented by the opening and closing questions "Do you remember...?" and that lovely sunny image. A well-written piece! Christine
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Hi Deepwater,
This is a nicely reflective poem that can take readers down memory lane and is complemented by the opening and closing questions "Do you remember...?" and that lovely sunny image. A well-written piece! Christine
Comment Written 12-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2014
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Thank you Christine
Comment from DALLAS01
This is a poignant poem that reflects longing for yesterday. When lovers part there comes a time, when upon reflecting, we so hope that those fragile memories are still shared.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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This is a poignant poem that reflects longing for yesterday. When lovers part there comes a time, when upon reflecting, we so hope that those fragile memories are still shared.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Robin Gilmor
Life as expressed from youthful memories. We all have some. Innocence , until
lost is a treasure remembered. A lovely reminder of those days.
Smiles, Robin :)
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Life as expressed from youthful memories. We all have some. Innocence , until
lost is a treasure remembered. A lovely reminder of those days.
Smiles, Robin :)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you Robin
Comment from lancellot
Very nice. I don't remember those, I wasn't that lucky, but I do understand the sentiment, as I do recall how potent those days of first love are. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Very nice. I don't remember those, I wasn't that lucky, but I do understand the sentiment, as I do recall how potent those days of first love are. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from stanishmichelle
The memories of our first love always stay with us, and it can be amusing to remember the promises made and things done together, as your lovely poem suggests. I like the way you started and ended the poem with questions.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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The memories of our first love always stay with us, and it can be amusing to remember the promises made and things done together, as your lovely poem suggests. I like the way you started and ended the poem with questions.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Patti R.
Especially at the height of summer, this poem resonates with many of us, I'm sure! Certainly for me. Your heart is in the right place with this one, but I found the grammar and sentence structure a bit iffy.
Were you (that) first love still haunting my heart?
What of the promise (omit comma) to never part?
Daydreams of yesteryears what fun we engaged, whole line is awkward, grammatically incorrect.
I believe it was knights in white satin, not white knights in satin!
Would I remember (omit comma) (if I saw you today?)
How (my life changed) (omit comma) when you walked away.
Hope I've been of some help.
Patti
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Especially at the height of summer, this poem resonates with many of us, I'm sure! Certainly for me. Your heart is in the right place with this one, but I found the grammar and sentence structure a bit iffy.
Were you (that) first love still haunting my heart?
What of the promise (omit comma) to never part?
Daydreams of yesteryears what fun we engaged, whole line is awkward, grammatically incorrect.
I believe it was knights in white satin, not white knights in satin!
Would I remember (omit comma) (if I saw you today?)
How (my life changed) (omit comma) when you walked away.
Hope I've been of some help.
Patti
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thanks Patti but going to leave this the same
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Cool
Comment from Chrisluca
A sadness of love and of loss. Your words though short and simple show a past of a simpler time with a first love. The question "Do you remember?" seems to show that you are looking for validation. Did the other person feel the same way? Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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A sadness of love and of loss. Your words though short and simple show a past of a simpler time with a first love. The question "Do you remember?" seems to show that you are looking for validation. Did the other person feel the same way? Well done.
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you
Comment from Val Crisson
I think this is really good, but I'm not sure it's free verse but I rating that on that assumption. "First kiss real awkward, I stole in the night" - I find this line needing some help. Maybe "really" instead of "real?" Also, I feel the poem if it is free verse needs to be broken up more in short phrases. This is "just my humble opinion" so if you like the way it is... your call
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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I think this is really good, but I'm not sure it's free verse but I rating that on that assumption. "First kiss real awkward, I stole in the night" - I find this line needing some help. Maybe "really" instead of "real?" Also, I feel the poem if it is free verse needs to be broken up more in short phrases. This is "just my humble opinion" so if you like the way it is... your call
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thanks val
Comment from fastdigits
Ah, those days when the entire world
lay ahead, and any dream was possible.
that first kiss, that first emotion towards
that little girl with the curl. your words
dance down the screen in a remembrance
of days, maybe not so long ago.
Well done
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Ah, those days when the entire world
lay ahead, and any dream was possible.
that first kiss, that first emotion towards
that little girl with the curl. your words
dance down the screen in a remembrance
of days, maybe not so long ago.
Well done
Comment Written 11-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2014
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Thank you
