Sensual Addiction
forgive me24 total reviews
Comment from donaldww
That's what I tell myself, but the truth is, I'll wait for her until the sun rises and no excuse of working late will fly with Karen.
[This sentence is confusing. Combining the all night wait with the excuse that doesn't fly doesn't make sense.]
Naturally, the narrator couldn't care less about Symore's favourite colours and musical tastes. He's interested in her sexually, which is what 99% of what guys are after.
I like the way the story drags in the concept of guilt and the common myth that praying is going to rid someone of the their sex drive.
In light of the line: " A face a man like me could never kiss for free." and effective last line might be--
It's the same thing, always. I [pay], and yet, I never pray for the strength to stay away.
Good luck with the contest!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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That's what I tell myself, but the truth is, I'll wait for her until the sun rises and no excuse of working late will fly with Karen.
[This sentence is confusing. Combining the all night wait with the excuse that doesn't fly doesn't make sense.]
Naturally, the narrator couldn't care less about Symore's favourite colours and musical tastes. He's interested in her sexually, which is what 99% of what guys are after.
I like the way the story drags in the concept of guilt and the common myth that praying is going to rid someone of the their sex drive.
In light of the line: " A face a man like me could never kiss for free." and effective last line might be--
It's the same thing, always. I [pay], and yet, I never pray for the strength to stay away.
Good luck with the contest!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from mmayen
Dear Author, I had to laugh when I read the author's note. The writing reads out like something from a dairy, it sounds so personal. Apart from a few typos, I believe you got your message across. Sometimes we never want to stop doing the things we ought not to do. Instead of praying for strength we continually ask for forgiveness. Well done! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Dear Author, I had to laugh when I read the author's note. The writing reads out like something from a dairy, it sounds so personal. Apart from a few typos, I believe you got your message across. Sometimes we never want to stop doing the things we ought not to do. Instead of praying for strength we continually ask for forgiveness. Well done! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from WriterMom65
Wow, excellently done. Very well-written, you managed to capture and express all of the senses.
A few possible proofing notes:
- "... perfume my man..." -> "... perfume by man ..." ?
- "... hair hags from... " -> "... hair hangs from ..."?
- "... trashing from side..." -> "...thrashing from side ..."?
You did a great job! Keep it up!
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Wow, excellently done. Very well-written, you managed to capture and express all of the senses.
A few possible proofing notes:
- "... perfume my man..." -> "... perfume by man ..." ?
- "... hair hags from... " -> "... hair hangs from ..."?
- "... trashing from side..." -> "...thrashing from side ..."?
You did a great job! Keep it up!
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from slapiz
This story reminded me of a phrase my grandmother Dog, eggman, still eating eggs. That would be the Moraleja but the strength of the flesh is ma big shame and, you know ... sometimes we do not have the courage to ask never do it again !. Good story.
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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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This story reminded me of a phrase my grandmother Dog, eggman, still eating eggs. That would be the Moraleja but the strength of the flesh is ma big shame and, you know ... sometimes we do not have the courage to ask never do it again !. Good story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Ricky1024
Nicely penned! I like he sex but I guess it is necessary for the with of the piece. Imagery Excellent along with Adjective and Objective Content! I would rate this from a 1-100 a solid 98 in imagery pertaining to it's worth. Thanks, Ricky1024.
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Nicely penned! I like he sex but I guess it is necessary for the with of the piece. Imagery Excellent along with Adjective and Objective Content! I would rate this from a 1-100 a solid 98 in imagery pertaining to it's worth. Thanks, Ricky1024.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
