Tiny Tales of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Snake's Breath"Multi-authored book of flash/micro horror fiction
29 total reviews
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is a spooky read and I really enjoyed reading this supernatural tale. This really spooked me. Well done.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
  |
This is an interesting post that the author has created with this piece of writing. This is a spooky read and I really enjoyed reading this supernatural tale. This really spooked me. Well done.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
-
Thank you Tomes. I'm pleased you enjoyed my story.
I greatly appreciate your review.
:) Mel.
-
My pleasure
Comment from Dawn Munro
YIKES! What a wonderful plot - a possessed motorcycle! (But a Triumph? Wouldn't a Harley make more sense? LOL - just kidding. At least you didn't make it a Honda - my bike of choice.) Now about that pram...
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
|
YIKES! What a wonderful plot - a possessed motorcycle! (But a Triumph? Wouldn't a Harley make more sense? LOL - just kidding. At least you didn't make it a Honda - my bike of choice.) Now about that pram...
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
-
Thank you Dawn. I'm glad you liked my story. No this was a British bike and was just before the Japanese commercial invasion of the mid sixties.
Snakes Breath Two is being exorcised into a story at this minute and will be haunting the screen soon. lol.
I greatly appreciate your review.
:) Mel.
-
I'll be watching for it, but in case I am going to miss it, feel free to remind me! :0) (My memory is about as rusted out as my little Honda, and that was thirty plus years ago, out in the weather...LOL)
-
I have one too. Now where did I leave it? Hah! Hah!...
-
HAHAHAHA.
Comment from Spitfire
OMG. Now I want to hear what circumstances prompted this. Maybe someone who always bought lemons when he purchased anything that moved. You have a gift for mind-boggling, nauseating description! Brilliant use of dialogue especially when Jack converses with the bike. (Trust me, I'd be pissed off too at that ungodly hour in the morning)Wonderful and horrible when you know that machine will soon cradle a baby. Wish I had a six left for you. A dynamite edition to the book.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
|
OMG. Now I want to hear what circumstances prompted this. Maybe someone who always bought lemons when he purchased anything that moved. You have a gift for mind-boggling, nauseating description! Brilliant use of dialogue especially when Jack converses with the bike. (Trust me, I'd be pissed off too at that ungodly hour in the morning)Wonderful and horrible when you know that machine will soon cradle a baby. Wish I had a six left for you. A dynamite edition to the book.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
-
Thank you Spitfire. I don't know the details of the first owner, only that he was killed riding the motorbike. Jack (not his real name) always wanted a 650cc motorbike. Being newly married, and although a tradesman in engineering, was not on a large salary. So when this bargain Triumph came up in the paper he naturally grabbed the chance. It should have worked out all right for him but...
This story was related to me over time my a work friend. I believed him 100%. All the supernatural voices are my invention. As I remember, Jack just had bad feelings around the motorbike, this would be enough in real life to influence him.
I greatly appreciate your review.
:) Mel.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello short terror writer
What a catchy devilish title
Snake Breath
I cold sea by the title it was going to be filled with
vivid gore
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
|
Hello short terror writer
What a catchy devilish title
Snake Breath
I cold sea by the title it was going to be filled with
vivid gore
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015
-
Thank you Gert, for your kind and very much appreciated review.
:) Mel.
-
You are welcome
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Mel,
This is gruesome, bloody and gory. In short a fitting piece for the Tiny Tales of Terror anthology!
I like the British-ness of it with the Triumph and the language used.
The motorbike on it's side - its
Oh DUKEY - should this be ducky too as it is later on?
a two pound hammer seems like a rather weak weapon of choice. It would take some time in this manner.
Nice one.
GMG
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
|
Hi Mel,
This is gruesome, bloody and gory. In short a fitting piece for the Tiny Tales of Terror anthology!
I like the British-ness of it with the Triumph and the language used.
The motorbike on it's side - its
Oh DUKEY - should this be ducky too as it is later on?
a two pound hammer seems like a rather weak weapon of choice. It would take some time in this manner.
Nice one.
GMG
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
-
Hi giraffmang, Thank you for taking the time.
Yes DUKEY is an oversight.
I thought (it's) was a possessive apostrophe, but I'll change it.
Don't under estimate the power of an engineers two pound ballpein hammer. It would take just a few minutes to reduce it to scrap. A modern bike even quicker.
Much appreciated. :) Mel.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent write, write hand blue, I enjoyed reading this tale of the demon bike that transferred itself to a baby pram. this sounds like a story from Fact or Fiction.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
|
this is an excellent write, write hand blue, I enjoyed reading this tale of the demon bike that transferred itself to a baby pram. this sounds like a story from Fact or Fiction.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
-
Thank you sweetwoodjax, for your kind review.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Oh...H-E- double toothpicks...No...you...didn't. A demonically possessed motorbike from the very bowels of Hades itself? Ha-ha, I gotta go and find me one'a those. My Victory motorcycle's pretty lame compared the Triumph in your story, Mel. And, correct me if I'm mistaken, but aren't all Triumph motorbikes manufactured in the UK? Also, while I'm on the topic, what's the difference between the UK, Great Britain and England? I've always wondered about that.
But, getting back to your story, this was in-frigging-credible. It's funny, it's gory, and it's bloody, sure. But that's one demon with a pretty sarcastic wit. Now, our poor bloke's wife is about to buy a baby stroller, or "pram", and put their infant child into the thing. Poor little tyke.
I'd sure like to be a fly on the wall when THAT happens, heh-heh.
Great addition to the Tiny Tales of Terror. Thanks for contributing yet again.
~Dean :}
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
|
Oh...H-E- double toothpicks...No...you...didn't. A demonically possessed motorbike from the very bowels of Hades itself? Ha-ha, I gotta go and find me one'a those. My Victory motorcycle's pretty lame compared the Triumph in your story, Mel. And, correct me if I'm mistaken, but aren't all Triumph motorbikes manufactured in the UK? Also, while I'm on the topic, what's the difference between the UK, Great Britain and England? I've always wondered about that.
But, getting back to your story, this was in-frigging-credible. It's funny, it's gory, and it's bloody, sure. But that's one demon with a pretty sarcastic wit. Now, our poor bloke's wife is about to buy a baby stroller, or "pram", and put their infant child into the thing. Poor little tyke.
I'd sure like to be a fly on the wall when THAT happens, heh-heh.
Great addition to the Tiny Tales of Terror. Thanks for contributing yet again.
~Dean :}
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
-
Triumph is a British manufactured motorbike and still in production I believe. Your Victory motorcycle is this American? I confess I don't think I have heard of it.
Right, origins of the name 'Great Britain' this goes way back about 2,000 years when the Romans had the temerity to try and eventually succeed in invading us us. Julius Caesar's mob if I remember correctly. (not that I'm that old) lol. They then rubbed it in by calling us Britania.
UK refers to the joining of Scotland with England, Ireland and Wales. About 300 years ago.
England is a country forming part of The United Kingdom.
These days we're more interested in Manchester United, a top soccer team. lol.
Work on 'Snake's Breath Two' is well underway, written as a stand alone story to keep inside the rules.
I have included a well deserved dedication to you in the writers notes. Caught on the hop there.
Well Dean, I have to say that your artwork has displayed very well. And I'm pleased to be contributing to your multi authored book.
:)Mel.
P.S. I've no idea where the demon gets it's pretty sarcastic wit from. lol.
-
Well, I've got an idea where he gets his wit from, but I'll just keep that little tid-bit to myself, LOL.
It's a great story, Mel. I'm out trying to convince more authors here to contribute. Bill Schott, Lancellot, and a few others. You can help our cause and do the same. heck, maybe I'll even sponsor a contest, and the winner will be included in the series. How well do you think that idea would fly? Just a thought...
~Dean
-
I'm so pleased that you like my story, Dean. Was going to use Triumph in the title, but I realised that there was no triumph to the story. A horror story needs something 'orrible to catch the eye in my opinion.
Yes, to get the message across I could write something in the writers notes. And on my front page.
Then there's the Forum, I'm not sure if you can advertise. But we could ask questions and talk about T.T.O.H.
I think a contest would be a good idea. Your name would attract entries, I'm sure. You can count me in on that.
One thing. What would happen to the non-winning stories? Would they be ineligible for inclusion into T.T.O.H. because they have been in a comp? Just a thought.
It will be a one by one battle, slowly increasing our numbers. That's how it works out in life I find.
:) Mel.
Comment from tfawcus
Descriptions of a motorbike crash don't come more more grisly than that! Your style is riveting, to say the least! The humour, like the butt, is quite delicious!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
|
Descriptions of a motorbike crash don't come more more grisly than that! Your style is riveting, to say the least! The humour, like the butt, is quite delicious!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
-
Thank you tfawcus, for your kind review. I'm glad you found the butt quite delicious. Hah! Hah!
Much appreciated.
:) Mel.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your post will fit in perfectly with the rest of this stories/poems in this book. thank you for sharing.
"Did you hear that Pete?" (comma needed before Pete)
"You're a puff aren't you?" (comma before aren't)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
|
Your post will fit in perfectly with the rest of this stories/poems in this book. thank you for sharing.
"Did you hear that Pete?" (comma needed before Pete)
"You're a puff aren't you?" (comma before aren't)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
-
Thank you Barbara, for your kind review and pointing out those errors.
:) Mel.
