Comment from mfowler

Excellent

You build the scene very smoothly, small snatches of grisly detail as the body is exhumed. As the reader comes closer to the exposure of 'nub of bone', it is evident something untoward has taken place, but you leave us with more questions than answers by declaring you should have buried 'my love' deeper. Your use of great verbs like twisted, rasped, protrudes, give menace to the description. Beautifully organised stanzas reveals a poem, a crime maybe, a great free verse, certainly.

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 Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks, mark.

Actually, I don't know if any of my readers truly 'got' this one. My real intention was to present a metaphor for the 'dead' relationship or at least the recurring memories of it. Oh, well. Perhaps it means I am becoming a real poet if no one understands me.

Steve

reply by mfowler on 11-Jan-2016

Sorry, mate. I'm the literal kind unless I'm on the ball.
So, all I need to do is write vague stuff no-one gets and I'm a poet. Gosh, we must have some geniuses on FS.

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
Wow what a piece with the twist of lime at the end.
Neatly done with the descriptions and weaving the story then the pouncing at the end.
Very well done

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 Comment Written 08-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2016

Thanks, barb.

Actually, I don't know if any of my readers truly 'got' this one. My real intention was to present a metaphor for the 'dead' relationship or at least the recurring memories of it. Oh, well. Perhaps it means I am becoming a real poet if no one understands me.

Steve

reply by Barb Hensongispsaca on 11-Jan-2016

LOLDifferent views different ideas...you reach more people that way