Aghast
A (slightly modified) Octogram poem102 total reviews
Comment from beizanten
THe first stanza is interesting and intriguing. The second stanza. Chilling and pretty dark and well describe, a very good stanza. Pretty attention grabbing. The picture and sound complement the poem well. The poem is written in simple and easy to understand words, overall it is very good. Keep up the good work!~
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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THe first stanza is interesting and intriguing. The second stanza. Chilling and pretty dark and well describe, a very good stanza. Pretty attention grabbing. The picture and sound complement the poem well. The poem is written in simple and easy to understand words, overall it is very good. Keep up the good work!~
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Thanks for checking it out, beizanten.
I truly appreciate the positive R&R.
Comment from Lisa Deverick
I am glad that you included the parameters of this poem in the authors notes. The structure seems a bit difficult, but you managed to pen a very cool poem using it!
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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I am glad that you included the parameters of this poem in the authors notes. The structure seems a bit difficult, but you managed to pen a very cool poem using it!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Thanks, Lisa, and it is a much more difficult form than it looks.
I really appreciate your R&R.
~Dean
Comment from I am Cat
Hi Dean,
This is a fun and well done octogram... with your really cool spin on it... great presentation as always.
The only problems I've found are that the first line is only 7 syllables. I know that some people will draw out bile to read BI-LE... but it's actually just one syllable.
So that line needs another syllable.
Also, the second syllable, your A rhymes aren't actually A rhymes... oak/throat don't rhyme with bog/log... (they must remain the same throughout the form)
Other than that, it's a stellar performance, my friend. ;)
(or was THAT your modification? (I just looked at the top to see the modification)
damn, I"m a LATE ass reviewer, aren't I? LOL) jeez...
I see that you say it's a slightly modified octogram (now) but I don't see what the modification is supposed to be...
was it that your rhyme scheme for the second stanza is: dbdbeebB ? and that the first line has 7 syllables? lol (ok, this is my second (or third) review today...) I think I"m done already. ;( lol
Anyway, I loved the poem... f*ck the form! LOL
;-)
Cat
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Hi Dean,
This is a fun and well done octogram... with your really cool spin on it... great presentation as always.
The only problems I've found are that the first line is only 7 syllables. I know that some people will draw out bile to read BI-LE... but it's actually just one syllable.
So that line needs another syllable.
Also, the second syllable, your A rhymes aren't actually A rhymes... oak/throat don't rhyme with bog/log... (they must remain the same throughout the form)
Other than that, it's a stellar performance, my friend. ;)
(or was THAT your modification? (I just looked at the top to see the modification)
damn, I"m a LATE ass reviewer, aren't I? LOL) jeez...
I see that you say it's a slightly modified octogram (now) but I don't see what the modification is supposed to be...
was it that your rhyme scheme for the second stanza is: dbdbeebB ? and that the first line has 7 syllables? lol (ok, this is my second (or third) review today...) I think I"m done already. ;( lol
Anyway, I loved the poem... f*ck the form! LOL
;-)
Cat
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Hahaha-a-a-a...
I listed it as modified for all of those reasons you've mentioned and then some, Cat, LOL.
Thanks so much for the hilarious review.
I needed a good laugh today, heh-heh-heh...
~Dean
Comment from Javed05
this poem is really good. I found it engaging for the reader and it flows smoothly .language used is great that creates good imagery in the reader's mind thanks for sharing with us .
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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this poem is really good. I found it engaging for the reader and it flows smoothly .language used is great that creates good imagery in the reader's mind thanks for sharing with us .
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the wonderful R&R, Javed05.
I deeply appreciate it.
Take care...
Comment from candyfink
I had thought when I clicked on the flowers, you chose to do a mellow poem. Well, I was wrong ..... regardless of that, you are creative soul.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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I had thought when I clicked on the flowers, you chose to do a mellow poem. Well, I was wrong ..... regardless of that, you are creative soul.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Deceptive marketing tactic, wouldn't you agree, candybarr?
If I post the actual picture or artwork I'm using, many will simply pass up my work based on the art work. However, if I utilize a photo from my photobucket library, no one can see it until the post is opened.
Much as you found out, heh-heh.
Thanks for the R&R...
~Dean :}
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True lol
Comment from krys123
Hello Dean;
-an exceptional written piece of poetry ,or should I say Octogram, is a terrifying emotion to the reading and you capture this emotion quite well by using pictures that are very appropriate, relative and supportive to the conceptual theme of your writing
-none of your rhyming words are for store labored which was helpful in the readings fluidity.
-Each of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the meaning concept the beach and all of your lines therefore making your rhythm to flow smoothly.
-The rhythmic meter fixed requirements of an Octogram and along with the timing and your reading was clear, very easy.
-A very compelling and startling piece of poetry that that is the readers emotions
and scares the wits out of them.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always Dean.
Alex
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
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Hello Dean;
-an exceptional written piece of poetry ,or should I say Octogram, is a terrifying emotion to the reading and you capture this emotion quite well by using pictures that are very appropriate, relative and supportive to the conceptual theme of your writing
-none of your rhyming words are for store labored which was helpful in the readings fluidity.
-Each of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the meaning concept the beach and all of your lines therefore making your rhythm to flow smoothly.
-The rhythmic meter fixed requirements of an Octogram and along with the timing and your reading was clear, very easy.
-A very compelling and startling piece of poetry that that is the readers emotions
and scares the wits out of them.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always Dean.
Alex
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
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Thanks for reading AGHAST, Alex, and for the awesome comments and exceptional, stellar rating.
I appreciate your time, as well as your thoughtful support.
More than any of that, I'm just damn glad you enjoyed it.
~Dean :}
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That you are very welcome Dean.
Alex
Comment from Just2Write
A very different take on the Octogram, and a fine tribute to Sally's signature form.
As always, Dean you present your poetry with such flair - and you wrote this is such a way that you cleverly disguised that knee-jerk feeling that many Octograms have. I was already well into the 2nd stanza before I realized that I was reading an Octogram. That's rare.
Ultra creepy - just the way you like 'em.
Rose.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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A very different take on the Octogram, and a fine tribute to Sally's signature form.
As always, Dean you present your poetry with such flair - and you wrote this is such a way that you cleverly disguised that knee-jerk feeling that many Octograms have. I was already well into the 2nd stanza before I realized that I was reading an Octogram. That's rare.
Ultra creepy - just the way you like 'em.
Rose.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Rose.
Now if I could just pull off the same poetic wizardry with sonnets, I'd be happier than a pig with a mud pie, LOL.
Much obliged for your comments.
~Dean :}
Comment from rod007
Your words are chilling and your combination of images and sound brings terror to the addicts of horror. I don't want to listen to those sounds when I'm asleep. God forbid what's under the bed! Well done, Dean. Congratulations on your 100-word win.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Your words are chilling and your combination of images and sound brings terror to the addicts of horror. I don't want to listen to those sounds when I'm asleep. God forbid what's under the bed! Well done, Dean. Congratulations on your 100-word win.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
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Thanks for the R&R, Rod, and for the congratulatory remarks as well.
All are appreciated.
~Dean
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Morning, Dean,
I'm glad to have found your well-penned octogram this morning. You do have a way with words and this read reminds me of when I was a young boy. My dad and I would watch the Saturday Night "Shock Theatre" TV show from the High Point station. Dr. Paul Bearer was the host. lol. So thanks for penning this poem such that it allowed me to take a short mind-trip.
I always admire 'reasonable modifications' to form poetry. The key is to do it artistically rather than for convenience. Your modification to the A rhyme sequence in stanza 2 works beautifully. Brooke would cheer and I daresay Sally would approve.
The iambics in this poem are spot-on. Perfect metrical flow enhanced by keen enjambment. The end rhymes are excellent and I admire the approximate rhyme pairings of stroll / know & oak / throat. The internal rhyme in L7 paired with L6 is a nice touch: know / glow.
You've shown with this poem and its theme just how versatile the octogram can be. Extremely well done, my friend.
-Ray
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
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Good Morning, Dean,
I'm glad to have found your well-penned octogram this morning. You do have a way with words and this read reminds me of when I was a young boy. My dad and I would watch the Saturday Night "Shock Theatre" TV show from the High Point station. Dr. Paul Bearer was the host. lol. So thanks for penning this poem such that it allowed me to take a short mind-trip.
I always admire 'reasonable modifications' to form poetry. The key is to do it artistically rather than for convenience. Your modification to the A rhyme sequence in stanza 2 works beautifully. Brooke would cheer and I daresay Sally would approve.
The iambics in this poem are spot-on. Perfect metrical flow enhanced by keen enjambment. The end rhymes are excellent and I admire the approximate rhyme pairings of stroll / know & oak / throat. The internal rhyme in L7 paired with L6 is a nice touch: know / glow.
You've shown with this poem and its theme just how versatile the octogram can be. Extremely well done, my friend.
-Ray
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much for such an in depth and complimentary review, Ray.
I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to readAGHAST, and I am very grateful for your enthusiastic comments and exceptional stellar rating.
I appreciate your time, as well as your thoughtful support.
More than any of that, however, I'm just damn glad you enjoyed it.
~Dean :}
Comment from Bill Schott
This octogram, Aghast, takes that format to its ultimate horrific possibility. The snappy pace and smirking rhyme, along with the visual and audio production values, make this dark and playful poem quite memorable.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
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This octogram, Aghast, takes that format to its ultimate horrific possibility. The snappy pace and smirking rhyme, along with the visual and audio production values, make this dark and playful poem quite memorable.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
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Thanks for reading AGHAST, Bill, and for the awesome comments and exceptional stellar rating.
I appreciate your time, as well as your thoughtful support.
More than any of that, I'm just damn glad you enjoyed it.
~Dean :}
