What Do I Do Now
It pays to keep the faith!26 total reviews
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
In the end, if Good and Evil was a result of Eve's choices and how in man's future knowledge is used then history became a bi-product of their choices. Because of these choices, history measures the worthiness of man's decisions and what he has done with the power to act. The sin of evil became the sin of disobedience to God and death was the result; did man make a bad decision?
The signed said, "WELCOME TO THE TOWN WITH A FUTURE".
WOW. SUCH a powerful read. deep, immense, moving and TRUE......GOOD LUCK WITH THE COMP! This is ace love Meia x
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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In the end, if Good and Evil was a result of Eve's choices and how in man's future knowledge is used then history became a bi-product of their choices. Because of these choices, history measures the worthiness of man's decisions and what he has done with the power to act. The sin of evil became the sin of disobedience to God and death was the result; did man make a bad decision?
The signed said, "WELCOME TO THE TOWN WITH A FUTURE".
WOW. SUCH a powerful read. deep, immense, moving and TRUE......GOOD LUCK WITH THE COMP! This is ace love Meia x
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Meia (MESWAYERS)
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate you very much.
Bless all you do.
Cordially,
gnewton75
Comment from apky
I must confess from the start that I didn't manage to read your piece to the end. For one thing, the lack of "white space" makes it hard on the eyes of the reader. You'd do yourself a big favour to separate the pragraphs. The following narrative, however, gave me much to ponder:
"It took the Devil, in the form of a snake, to represent temptation, shame, greed, and lust. He tempted man by tempting with the benefits that could come from a beautiful innocent tree bearing perfect fruit. The tree of knowledge taught all of man kinds that knowledge has its price. Evil sin was represented by eating the apple and moral sin was represented by Adam and Eve's decision to break God's spiritual order. Adam and Eve compromised man's dignity and ethics due to their lack of trust and faith in the word of God thus making man's future character and integrity dependent on the choices they would make."
I always question why God lets the innocent, as rule poor and in poor countries but the most devout in clinging to God, suffer hunger and catastrophes and diseases?
lots of folks, sometime during their lifetime, who has(have - you need the plural to "lots of folks") wondered why they were dealt the cards they had
Best,
Apky
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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I must confess from the start that I didn't manage to read your piece to the end. For one thing, the lack of "white space" makes it hard on the eyes of the reader. You'd do yourself a big favour to separate the pragraphs. The following narrative, however, gave me much to ponder:
"It took the Devil, in the form of a snake, to represent temptation, shame, greed, and lust. He tempted man by tempting with the benefits that could come from a beautiful innocent tree bearing perfect fruit. The tree of knowledge taught all of man kinds that knowledge has its price. Evil sin was represented by eating the apple and moral sin was represented by Adam and Eve's decision to break God's spiritual order. Adam and Eve compromised man's dignity and ethics due to their lack of trust and faith in the word of God thus making man's future character and integrity dependent on the choices they would make."
I always question why God lets the innocent, as rule poor and in poor countries but the most devout in clinging to God, suffer hunger and catastrophes and diseases?
lots of folks, sometime during their lifetime, who has(have - you need the plural to "lots of folks") wondered why they were dealt the cards they had
Best,
Apky
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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apky:
Thanks for your comments, they were appreciated. Why do the innocent suffer? Beyond
explanation, but we should maintain the faith which is hard sometimes.
Best regards,
gsnewton75
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there
You have this labelled as fiction but it is entered into the non-fiction writing competition. Might want to alter that.
It would probably be a good idea to have a look at your formatting here as well. It is generally a good idea on the site to incorporate some line breaks into your work. leaving a clear line between paragraphs makes for a cleaner write and is easier to follow. Also, many people simply skip over large blocks of unbroken text.
been lots of folks, sometime during their lifetime, who has wondered - should be have wondered here as you're talking about multiple people.
I would always say, it could be worst, or it'll be O.K- could be worse.
way to several distant cities; however, none of them - you don't need the semi-colon here if you're using however which joins the sentences.
It is a bit repetitious throughout and labouring the pint somewhat.
You kept mentioning the problem in the opening few paragraphs but never really got around to expanding upon it. this should probably happen much sooner.
any thought to the change in life style required - lifestyle can be one word here.
One day he help dad buy a cow - helped.
As Pudgy and I got closer to home; Tippy, my sorrel pony - just a comma rather than a semi-colon here.
I would suggest going through again and watching for the semi-colons. many are not needed and could simply be commas. The semi-colon is used for unconnected articles, not of the same sentence. if using conjunctives like but and however, so you don't need the semi-colon.
Pudgy and I made our selves comfortable - ourselves.
I think there is probably too much in this piece, if you get what I mean. During the recollections, you shift back and forward and whilst this may be how it occurred it doesn't always translate well onto the page, coherently and structurally.
Good passages of description in places.
"I don't think so, "I said. - move the space from in front of the closing speech marks to behind them.
"Perhaps" he said - punctuation needed before the closing speech marks. Check through as there are more of these missing articles of punctuation.
"What role did Adam and Eve have in that process?" I asked him, - full stop needed at the end rather than a comma.
"If a man does not know sin, how would God's plan for salvation and penitence be accomplished?" Man needs God to do it?" - delete the speech mark from the middle here.
taught all of man kinds that knowledge - mankind.
I'll be honest here and admit that I got a bit lost half way through. The piece seemed to change from a memoir to a spirituality lesson which I found a bit disjointed.
All the best
GMG
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
 |
Hi there
You have this labelled as fiction but it is entered into the non-fiction writing competition. Might want to alter that.
It would probably be a good idea to have a look at your formatting here as well. It is generally a good idea on the site to incorporate some line breaks into your work. leaving a clear line between paragraphs makes for a cleaner write and is easier to follow. Also, many people simply skip over large blocks of unbroken text.
been lots of folks, sometime during their lifetime, who has wondered - should be have wondered here as you're talking about multiple people.
I would always say, it could be worst, or it'll be O.K- could be worse.
way to several distant cities; however, none of them - you don't need the semi-colon here if you're using however which joins the sentences.
It is a bit repetitious throughout and labouring the pint somewhat.
You kept mentioning the problem in the opening few paragraphs but never really got around to expanding upon it. this should probably happen much sooner.
any thought to the change in life style required - lifestyle can be one word here.
One day he help dad buy a cow - helped.
As Pudgy and I got closer to home; Tippy, my sorrel pony - just a comma rather than a semi-colon here.
I would suggest going through again and watching for the semi-colons. many are not needed and could simply be commas. The semi-colon is used for unconnected articles, not of the same sentence. if using conjunctives like but and however, so you don't need the semi-colon.
Pudgy and I made our selves comfortable - ourselves.
I think there is probably too much in this piece, if you get what I mean. During the recollections, you shift back and forward and whilst this may be how it occurred it doesn't always translate well onto the page, coherently and structurally.
Good passages of description in places.
"I don't think so, "I said. - move the space from in front of the closing speech marks to behind them.
"Perhaps" he said - punctuation needed before the closing speech marks. Check through as there are more of these missing articles of punctuation.
"What role did Adam and Eve have in that process?" I asked him, - full stop needed at the end rather than a comma.
"If a man does not know sin, how would God's plan for salvation and penitence be accomplished?" Man needs God to do it?" - delete the speech mark from the middle here.
taught all of man kinds that knowledge - mankind.
I'll be honest here and admit that I got a bit lost half way through. The piece seemed to change from a memoir to a spirituality lesson which I found a bit disjointed.
All the best
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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giraffmang:
Are you a literary critic. Good job! Thank you for your comments and suggestions.
I appreciate very much your review.
Best regards'
gsnewton75
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Author has learnt something, being fed up he thought of seeing and enjoying something new or visiting a new place and once he did so and in dream of Adam and Eve he was taught Good and Evil, sin and disobedience to God, how to continue faith in God; I liked.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Author has learnt something, being fed up he thought of seeing and enjoying something new or visiting a new place and once he did so and in dream of Adam and Eve he was taught Good and Evil, sin and disobedience to God, how to continue faith in God; I liked.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Alcreator Litt Dear:
Thanks for the comments. I appreciate what you had to say.
Best regards,
gnewton75
Comment from lalajovanoski
Wow I truly found this piece to be amazing I think that it has a good use of imagery and a very nice flow throughout good structure and measure thank you so much for sharing this with us. God bless you
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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Wow I truly found this piece to be amazing I think that it has a good use of imagery and a very nice flow throughout good structure and measure thank you so much for sharing this with us. God bless you
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2017
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lalajjovanoski:
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate you very much.
Cordially,
gnewton75
Comment from Brett Matthew West
"signed" should be "sign" said.
Man did make the worst decision ever when he sinned.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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"signed" should be "sign" said.
Man did make the worst decision ever when he sinned.
Should make an interesting entry into this contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2017
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Brett Matthew West:
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate you.
gsnewton75
