The Lost Boy Revisited
Healing through expression41 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
So pleased to open up and find a posting from you, Curt.
This is such a deep, sorrowful poem - rhythm and rhyme flows so well, but I did trip on some lines - I think the right punctuation might help - suggestions below - just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
in hope[s] that someone looking would be kind enough to care, - suggest ---- in hope
Now(,) in the blackened corner(,) hides the lost boy all alone,
for even this is better than the pains of flesh and bone[,](;) - semi-colon
his world is bitter wasteland where the leafless, ashen trees[,] - lose
let lifeless winds blow as he crawls upon his hands and knees,
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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So pleased to open up and find a posting from you, Curt.
This is such a deep, sorrowful poem - rhythm and rhyme flows so well, but I did trip on some lines - I think the right punctuation might help - suggestions below - just ignore if not in agreement, my friend.
in hope[s] that someone looking would be kind enough to care, - suggest ---- in hope
Now(,) in the blackened corner(,) hides the lost boy all alone,
for even this is better than the pains of flesh and bone[,](;) - semi-colon
his world is bitter wasteland where the leafless, ashen trees[,] - lose
let lifeless winds blow as he crawls upon his hands and knees,
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you my friend, for your encouraging comments and constructive critique. I see that rama devi has also left me a list of suggestions, so I will pore over both and make a few changes for the sake of flow, which you know I am all about.
This was actually an old, unfinished piece that I felt I should finish before moving on.
Thank you again Margaret, it is always good to hear from you.
Always,
Curt
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I was pleased to see your name again in my message box Curt because I do enjoy your poetry.You write with so much emotion. Your mood always matched mine in the Poe tradition. My poems are often dark and sad. You inspired me to write in Heptameter which is my favorite meter now. Your rhymes are excellent. It flows well, but there mixed meter in a few of the lines that made me stumble. However I am so glad to welcome you back I have to give you a six ! Welcome home. Nancy E Davis (Honeycomb before)
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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I was pleased to see your name again in my message box Curt because I do enjoy your poetry.You write with so much emotion. Your mood always matched mine in the Poe tradition. My poems are often dark and sad. You inspired me to write in Heptameter which is my favorite meter now. Your rhymes are excellent. It flows well, but there mixed meter in a few of the lines that made me stumble. However I am so glad to welcome you back I have to give you a six ! Welcome home. Nancy E Davis (Honeycomb before)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Hi Nancy, and thanks for the welcome stars! I'm looking at all the critiques, and will probably do some minor changes for the sake of flow, but other than that, how the heck are ya? As for me, I'm 100% better now that I moved out of LA and am back home in the midwest. It was... an experience living there.
If I'm not on your fan list, I should be, so we'll take a look and see.
Thanks again my friend, it's good to be back!
Curt
Comment from Eternal Muse
Welcome back, Child Harold! (smile). I see you've been gone from site for four and a half years. I am so glad to see you back.
Very much enjoyed your epic tale of the wanderings of the "lost boy". It is very dark and gloomy, I guess, reflects the mind set of the hero. Fantastic picture that draws a reader in.
Last two lines are very sad. But life is not always pretty.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Welcome back, Child Harold! (smile). I see you've been gone from site for four and a half years. I am so glad to see you back.
Very much enjoyed your epic tale of the wanderings of the "lost boy". It is very dark and gloomy, I guess, reflects the mind set of the hero. Fantastic picture that draws a reader in.
Last two lines are very sad. But life is not always pretty.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thanks for the welcome back and for your thoughts on this piece!
Yes, I do tend to wax and wane between the dark and the light, but they say that's part of being bipolar. Oh well, you gotta go with the hand you're dealt they say.
If you would like to read the lighter side of me, please look at "The Insect Gathering" in my portfolio if you feel like it. It just might get you to giggle a bit!
Thanks again,
Curt
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Curt. I remember thinking when I finally came to the conclusion that my marriage wasn't going to work and that no one in my life truly gave a crap about me because maybe I didn't care either, feeling like this. I think we all do at one time or another but let me say someone always cares! This is a brilliant piece of writing and your rhymes are superior to anything I've read today. Good luck to you and if you ever need a hand, reach out, I got one for ya! xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Hello Curt. I remember thinking when I finally came to the conclusion that my marriage wasn't going to work and that no one in my life truly gave a crap about me because maybe I didn't care either, feeling like this. I think we all do at one time or another but let me say someone always cares! This is a brilliant piece of writing and your rhymes are superior to anything I've read today. Good luck to you and if you ever need a hand, reach out, I got one for ya! xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you kiwi!
This piece is about abuse from long, long ago, and just when you think you have a handle on it, wouldn't you know it peeks it's ugly head out and says hello.So I write it out of my system, and I'm good for awhile.
Your thoughts are very much appreciated, my friend,
Curt
Comment from dragonpoet
This is the sad story of some run away children. Sometimes being on the street is better than living under a roof where you are beaten.
This poem uses rhyme and imagery well to show the tortured life of this boy both inside and outside of his mind.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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This is the sad story of some run away children. Sometimes being on the street is better than living under a roof where you are beaten.
This poem uses rhyme and imagery well to show the tortured life of this boy both inside and outside of his mind.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Well, its not exactly about runaway children as much as it is about the suffering that goes on inside a victim of abuse, but I like your take on it and can see your point.
Thank you for your thoughts,
Curt
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You're welcome. I try to see other possible meanings so the poem can have meaning to the most possible readers.
Joan
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Five stars in advance, as it is after midnight here in India and I may not be here when you revise...
First review (FOUR stars)
Wow, Curt, this is intense! It's great to see you posting again. This has a dramatic overtone with strong imagery and excellent rhymes and phonetics. Its musical, but there is awkwardness in the cadences of some lines. Mixed meter is fine when done well, but here, it hampers flow in all these lines below(to my ear):
let lifeless winds blow as he crawls upon his hands and knees,
still the lost boy raises feeble hands into the air,
but no one's coming this day and the lost boy knows it's true,
so he returns back to his corner, hidden out of view,
Also, your punctuation choices do not fully make sense. It seems like you use commas to make pauses at the ends of lines but not to make grammatical sense. I read this aloud, and offer (below) punctuation suggestions that would sculpt the flow more precisely (IMHO). These are optional, of course, but strongly recommended, especially in the first stanza.
PUNCTUATION SUGGESTIONS:
Sunset shows the bruised cheeks of the clouds that pass him by,(.)
(A)another wave of darkness and he falls through silenced sighs,(.)
t(T)he locked door with no key is cracking in its state of mind,(no ,)
before a tempest filled with memories once left behind,(.)
Now(,) in the blackened corner(,) hides the lost boy all alone,
for even this is better than the pains of flesh and bone,(;)
his world is bitter wasteland where the leafless, ashen trees,(no ,)
let lifeless winds blow as he crawls upon his hands and knees,
searching for the comfort that he knows he'll never find,
because the world outside is apathetic, dumb and blind,(.)
(S)still(,) the lost boy raises feeble hands into the air,
in hopes that someone looking would be kind enough to care,
but no one's coming this day(,) and the lost boy knows it's true,
so he returns back to his corner, hidden out of view,
to hide amongst the ancient walls built by his tortured screams,(;)
that is his penitentiary of soiled and broken dreams.
He embraces all the darkness he has come to know so well,(--)
the only home he's ever known, down in the depths of hell.
There are lots of fine poetic devices woven in. I do hep you opt to edit this.
I found this stanza particularly poignant:
searching for the comfort that he knows he'll never find,
because the world outside is apathetic, dumb and blind,
still the lost boy raises feeble hands into the air,
in hopes that someone looking would be kind enough to care,
Let me know, please!
The artwork is superb. A perfect match.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Second review
Five stars in advance, as it is after midnight here in India and I may not be here when you revise...
First review (FOUR stars)
Wow, Curt, this is intense! It's great to see you posting again. This has a dramatic overtone with strong imagery and excellent rhymes and phonetics. Its musical, but there is awkwardness in the cadences of some lines. Mixed meter is fine when done well, but here, it hampers flow in all these lines below(to my ear):
let lifeless winds blow as he crawls upon his hands and knees,
still the lost boy raises feeble hands into the air,
but no one's coming this day and the lost boy knows it's true,
so he returns back to his corner, hidden out of view,
Also, your punctuation choices do not fully make sense. It seems like you use commas to make pauses at the ends of lines but not to make grammatical sense. I read this aloud, and offer (below) punctuation suggestions that would sculpt the flow more precisely (IMHO). These are optional, of course, but strongly recommended, especially in the first stanza.
PUNCTUATION SUGGESTIONS:
Sunset shows the bruised cheeks of the clouds that pass him by,(.)
(A)another wave of darkness and he falls through silenced sighs,(.)
t(T)he locked door with no key is cracking in its state of mind,(no ,)
before a tempest filled with memories once left behind,(.)
Now(,) in the blackened corner(,) hides the lost boy all alone,
for even this is better than the pains of flesh and bone,(;)
his world is bitter wasteland where the leafless, ashen trees,(no ,)
let lifeless winds blow as he crawls upon his hands and knees,
searching for the comfort that he knows he'll never find,
because the world outside is apathetic, dumb and blind,(.)
(S)still(,) the lost boy raises feeble hands into the air,
in hopes that someone looking would be kind enough to care,
but no one's coming this day(,) and the lost boy knows it's true,
so he returns back to his corner, hidden out of view,
to hide amongst the ancient walls built by his tortured screams,(;)
that is his penitentiary of soiled and broken dreams.
He embraces all the darkness he has come to know so well,(--)
the only home he's ever known, down in the depths of hell.
There are lots of fine poetic devices woven in. I do hep you opt to edit this.
I found this stanza particularly poignant:
searching for the comfort that he knows he'll never find,
because the world outside is apathetic, dumb and blind,
still the lost boy raises feeble hands into the air,
in hopes that someone looking would be kind enough to care,
Let me know, please!
The artwork is superb. A perfect match.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Hi rama!
It's been awhile, and I always look forward to a review from you because of your talent and your attention to detail.
When I write, I give no thought at all to proper grammatical punctuation, I try to make it flow. Since you have stated that the flow is stilted because of this, I will definitely look at your suggestions and change what I feel I can, but sorry, I'm not putting in any periods. That's just me being obstinate!
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Hi Curt! Thanks for your gracious response. It would work fine without periods...as long as commas are used more precisely. I sometimes choose to use minimal punctuation style with no periods as well. When I make suggestions, they are just one option of many potential choices. Not the 'only' way. My punctuation styles change according to what serves each poem.
Nice to see you back here!
Warmly, rd
Comment from sue133
Your poem is exceptionally well executed with perfect rhyme and rhythm. In it, you depict the deep sadness and anguish of those who suffer alone. The world has ceased to care and the more vulnerable beings fall by the wayside. I feel that you have really deserved a six star rating. Keep writing, dear friend ...you have talent. Sue
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Your poem is exceptionally well executed with perfect rhyme and rhythm. In it, you depict the deep sadness and anguish of those who suffer alone. The world has ceased to care and the more vulnerable beings fall by the wayside. I feel that you have really deserved a six star rating. Keep writing, dear friend ...you have talent. Sue
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your heartfelt comments Sue, I am honored. I have been writing for some time now, in between life events, and I suppose I will continue until I can no longer type. Til then, you can expect me to post s often as I can.
Again, many thanks,
Curt
Comment from NadineM
Such a sad piece... The darkness is the only home he's known... the depths of hell... hiding amongst the ancient walls built by his tortured dreams... WOW! Powerful words/phrases that just break this reader's heart. WOW! You also categorized this poem as biographical, which reaches even deeper into my heart. Such sadness and pain poured out onto this page.
If you've written previously the details of this child's tortured past, forgive me. I am old and forgetful. If you could share more or direct me to a link where there is more, please do so. Your writing is powerful and vivid. I am so sad to learn that this boy's cries are unheard, leaving him alone and feeling unwanted or worthy of care.
Thanks for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Such a sad piece... The darkness is the only home he's known... the depths of hell... hiding amongst the ancient walls built by his tortured dreams... WOW! Powerful words/phrases that just break this reader's heart. WOW! You also categorized this poem as biographical, which reaches even deeper into my heart. Such sadness and pain poured out onto this page.
If you've written previously the details of this child's tortured past, forgive me. I am old and forgetful. If you could share more or direct me to a link where there is more, please do so. Your writing is powerful and vivid. I am so sad to learn that this boy's cries are unheard, leaving him alone and feeling unwanted or worthy of care.
Thanks for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you Nadine, your comments touch this old poet's heart.
I don't have a link to my other work per se', but "The Lost Boy" is in my portfolio, as well as "Four Years Old" and "Damaged Goods", both of which expound on this theme in greater detail.
Feel free to take a look if you have the time and tell me your thoughts, I would truly appreciate hearing what you have to say.
Best wishes,
Curt
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Curt, I have just gone back and re-read a couple of poems, refreshing my memory... Wow. I do recall now. I am sorry. If you read again my original reviews from all those years ago, you'll know just how I felt and feel now, having re-read them. My heart breaks for your pain. I am so pleased you have the gift of writing, so that unheard voice of a child once abused, tortured and hurt beyond imagination, is now HEARD... I hear your voice and want to hear more... Keep writing. YOU matter!! ... Nadine
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Curt, I have just gone back and re-read a couple of poems, refreshing my memory... Wow. I do recall now. I am sorry. If you read again my original reviews from all those years ago, you'll know just how I felt and feel now, having re-read them. My heart breaks for your pain. I am so pleased you have the gift of writing, so that unheard voice of a child once abused, tortured and hurt beyond imagination, is now HEARD... I hear your voice and want to hear more... Keep writing. YOU matter!! ... Nadine
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(oops, not sure why it sent twice!)
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"The Lost Boy Revisited", is an exceptionally well-written and heart-breaking piece. This talented poet's work was a privilege to both read and review. To me this is a definite six. KEEP WRITING!
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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"The Lost Boy Revisited", is an exceptionally well-written and heart-breaking piece. This talented poet's work was a privilege to both read and review. To me this is a definite six. KEEP WRITING!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you, I am indeed honored by your gift of stars and for your thoughts.
Both are very much appreciated.
Curt
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Curt, as always, you're very welcome. You certainly deserved the six sparkling stars.
KEEP WRITING!
Best wishes, the Duchess
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A sad write of broken dreams and memories, almost like falling into an abyss of loneliness and hardship with no way out, a dark write about depression, well rhymed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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A sad write of broken dreams and memories, almost like falling into an abyss of loneliness and hardship with no way out, a dark write about depression, well rhymed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 07-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2017
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Thank you Dolly,
depression and especially depression combined with severe abuse is not a good combination, yet it is found everywhere, unfortunately. It was over 50 years ago now, but sometimes it feels like yesterday. Its at those times I write to get it out.
Thanks again,
Curt
