We Will Dance
When There Is That...Connection.56 total reviews
Comment from Earthlover
This is a beautiful poem of love... your words..
"You touch me with your laughter and I want to take your pain,
I want to hold you close as we both slow dance in the rain,
I want to know your secret dreams, I want to dry your tears,
I want to have you by my side and put to rest your fears." so sweet and kind. When a heart has been broken, its hard to love again..
Thanks for sharing..
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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This is a beautiful poem of love... your words..
"You touch me with your laughter and I want to take your pain,
I want to hold you close as we both slow dance in the rain,
I want to know your secret dreams, I want to dry your tears,
I want to have you by my side and put to rest your fears." so sweet and kind. When a heart has been broken, its hard to love again..
Thanks for sharing..
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Thank you!
Curt
Comment from WalkerMan
Far too many women have had life experiences leaving them in lasting anguish; and it is natural for a truly caring man to respond as you here describe, particularly in the third stanza. Yet, as you indicate in line 13, a sign of acceptance of offered help and love must be evident before it can be given, and the dance together begins. Well done.
You had perfect iambic heptameter throughout, until the word "together" in the last line; so I offer you a possible solution that keeps both your intent and properly parallel syntax in the line 14 series:
"to live, to feel, to love, be real, as long as we will dance."
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Far too many women have had life experiences leaving them in lasting anguish; and it is natural for a truly caring man to respond as you here describe, particularly in the third stanza. Yet, as you indicate in line 13, a sign of acceptance of offered help and love must be evident before it can be given, and the dance together begins. Well done.
You had perfect iambic heptameter throughout, until the word "together" in the last line; so I offer you a possible solution that keeps both your intent and properly parallel syntax in the line 14 series:
"to live, to feel, to love, be real, as long as we will dance."
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Thank you for your thoughts my friend,
I understand your point technically, but for maximum effect, as in perhaps a song, the pause emphasizes the last three words, and for me, I believe it is worth the ding I get for it!
Keep letting me know what you think, I really appreciate the honesty.
Curt
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You are welcome, Curt. I see your point. In that case, I suggest a long dash (space, double hyphen, space) after "real" instead of the comma:
"to live, to feel, to love, be real -- and together, we will dance."
The long dash separates the series (her chance) from the part you wish to emphasize about both of you. Then the comma for a pause after "together" also makes grammatical sense, and the meter change becomes irrelevant because it is reasonable slower tempo at the end of a song. -- Mike
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I like that, it works! :)
Curt
Comment from MelB
Hi Curt, very nice rhyme and flow to this poem. I like the vulnerability in this poem. I especially like the line about his soul reaching out to hers.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Hi Curt, very nice rhyme and flow to this poem. I like the vulnerability in this poem. I especially like the line about his soul reaching out to hers.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Thanks!
Curt
Comment from Vijay Kumar V
A beautiful composition with such intricate imagery and feel. This is my favourite, "let me tell you now how much that I wish you were here". Have a great week. Namaste.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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A beautiful composition with such intricate imagery and feel. This is my favourite, "let me tell you now how much that I wish you were here". Have a great week. Namaste.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Thank you!
Curt
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a lovely romantic poem, sweeping in its movement -
a bit uneven rhyme in a couple of spots, but they do not detract from the poem's loving message...
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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In my opinion, a lovely romantic poem, sweeping in its movement -
a bit uneven rhyme in a couple of spots, but they do not detract from the poem's loving message...
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
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Thank you,
I was told this is perfect iambic heptameter, so if you cold tell me where the rough spots are, I'd be glad to look at them.
Thanks again,
Curt
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Curt, I just write - I do not adhere to any specific form usually, with the exception of those forms I do attempt on occasion. You can determine these spots for yourself, just as I, and most other writers do, by reading your work aloud several times and addressing the spots that aren't as smooth in sound as they could be - sometimes it is merely adding, deleting or changing a word here and there, for the "sing-song timbre of rhyming poetry...Eve
Comment from crzypnter
This is a well thought out and poignantly penned romance poem. Stay true to your romance side and love will find you. Often when we least expect it. Thanks for sharing. God bless
August
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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This is a well thought out and poignantly penned romance poem. Stay true to your romance side and love will find you. Often when we least expect it. Thanks for sharing. God bless
August
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you!
Curt
Comment from NadineM
I love this! Truly do!! The soulful connection you feel with her is felt in the words you've shared here. This is a very romantic, tender and sweet expression of a heart longing for another. Great job!
If you're concerned about punctuation, it could use some editing. Commas are joining thoughts that normally would have periods or semicolons in sentences. There's a period mid 4th line, for example, first stanza, that isn't followed with a capital letter. When I intend the punctuation to be just as it is presented in my writing, I state so in my author's notes so nobody critiques it. Is that something you'd rather do than change things around? Either way, a well-written and enjoyed piece! Thanks for sharing this with me.
If this is biographical, I hope she lets you in!! My favorite line, by the way, is:
"I want to hold you close to me as we slow dance in the rain" ... ahhhhh!!!
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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I love this! Truly do!! The soulful connection you feel with her is felt in the words you've shared here. This is a very romantic, tender and sweet expression of a heart longing for another. Great job!
If you're concerned about punctuation, it could use some editing. Commas are joining thoughts that normally would have periods or semicolons in sentences. There's a period mid 4th line, for example, first stanza, that isn't followed with a capital letter. When I intend the punctuation to be just as it is presented in my writing, I state so in my author's notes so nobody critiques it. Is that something you'd rather do than change things around? Either way, a well-written and enjoyed piece! Thanks for sharing this with me.
If this is biographical, I hope she lets you in!! My favorite line, by the way, is:
"I want to hold you close to me as we slow dance in the rain" ... ahhhhh!!!
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thanks so much Nadine,
your thoughts are well appreciated, and I'll look at the punctuation, but to be honest, I try to punctuate for flow when I can, grammar be damned! Lol.
Yes, this one is biographical, and your hopes ride along side mine this night!
Thanks again,
Curt
Comment from livelylinda
Curt: a lovely, lovely poem. I can feel your pain and desire and I wouldn't change a thing. Oh, one suggestion - the contrast between words and color need to be improved because I could barely see it to read it. Really hard on the eyes. Maybe larger print . . . livelylinda
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Curt: a lovely, lovely poem. I can feel your pain and desire and I wouldn't change a thing. Oh, one suggestion - the contrast between words and color need to be improved because I could barely see it to read it. Really hard on the eyes. Maybe larger print . . . livelylinda
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for your comments and generous gift of stars, I am honored.
(the contrast has been changed, thanks!)
Curt
Comment from sfharper
Curt,
What is really apparent right away is your sensitivity about how a person feels. The turn in the poem comes when you ask for return consideration. That is quite lovely. This seems very personal, but then again, it could be impersonal, too, either way it reads well, the sense being one of human goals about consideration. Good use of rhyme and form and pacing.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Curt,
What is really apparent right away is your sensitivity about how a person feels. The turn in the poem comes when you ask for return consideration. That is quite lovely. This seems very personal, but then again, it could be impersonal, too, either way it reads well, the sense being one of human goals about consideration. Good use of rhyme and form and pacing.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you for your thoughts my friend, it is biographical, and the ball is still in play. Wish me luck!
Curt
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I indeed wish you luck, Curt
Comment from nancy_e_davis
What a wonderful, loving poem . I would think any woman would melt into your arms when she reads these loving words from you. You are the person who made me love Heptameter and I will be forever grateful. The meter is wonderful in this poem until you get to the tenth line. I stumbled a bit there the iams are off, I would like to suggest.....
"I want to hold you close to me and slow dance in the rain."
This is really lovely. Nancy
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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What a wonderful, loving poem . I would think any woman would melt into your arms when she reads these loving words from you. You are the person who made me love Heptameter and I will be forever grateful. The meter is wonderful in this poem until you get to the tenth line. I stumbled a bit there the iams are off, I would like to suggest.....
"I want to hold you close to me and slow dance in the rain."
This is really lovely. Nancy
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you Nancy,
You are so kind to give me credit for that. I will look at that line and see what we can do.
Nice to hear from you again,
Curt
