Rough-Sleeper's Day Ends
A Lune Poem: Layers of pain...34 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello my friend
A wonderful entry for the Write a Lune writing prompt contest. Good syllable count and connection between lines that gives the poem good flow. Nice presentation. It has a haiku feeling. great imagery of the moon.
Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Hello my friend
A wonderful entry for the Write a Lune writing prompt contest. Good syllable count and connection between lines that gives the poem good flow. Nice presentation. It has a haiku feeling. great imagery of the moon.
Well done.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Hello Gypsy!
So pleased you enjoyed!
Thank you!
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The few words and the picture, cause us to contemplate what true suffering must be like and what this person is experiencing and why?
How bad are things when so many are helplessly caught up in this dilemma? Deep thought?
Ralf
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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The few words and the picture, cause us to contemplate what true suffering must be like and what this person is experiencing and why?
How bad are things when so many are helplessly caught up in this dilemma? Deep thought?
Ralf
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Hello Ralf!
So pleased my words resonated with you!
Thank you!
Comment from TPAC
Man that looks comfortable, blowing breeze able to flow under you in the open air, like camping without a sleeping bag, acknowledging this was not your intent. I wish to give another side. All stated in my opinion.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Man that looks comfortable, blowing breeze able to flow under you in the open air, like camping without a sleeping bag, acknowledging this was not your intent. I wish to give another side. All stated in my opinion.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Hah! TPAC!
Always welcome another's perspective; that is for certain!
Thank you so much!
Comment from The Death
Your poem captures the sad feelings and loneliness of homeless people. Fine use of alliteration in the first line. TBH, use of "search" and "find" in succession sounds a bit odd and distracting. Not sure if you intended it as it can be toned down a bit, so that the focus remains with the last line, which is actually acting as the cutter. Good luck!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Your poem captures the sad feelings and loneliness of homeless people. Fine use of alliteration in the first line. TBH, use of "search" and "find" in succession sounds a bit odd and distracting. Not sure if you intended it as it can be toned down a bit, so that the focus remains with the last line, which is actually acting as the cutter. Good luck!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Hello The Death!
Much appreciation for your excellent rating and thoughtful review!
Thank you!
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a strong entry for the Write a Lune writing prompt. It is easy to read and understand. It should do well in the contest, and I wish you the best of luck!
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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This is a strong entry for the Write a Lune writing prompt. It is easy to read and understand. It should do well in the contest, and I wish you the best of luck!
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Hello Rebecca!
So pleased you enjoyed!
Thank you!
diane
Comment from Susan Larson
Having worked with a homeless ministry for years, my eyes were opened to how easily someone could end up sleeping on the street. So many scenarios. Actually, I could have spent time in a women's shelter had things gone REALLY wrong in my life. Judge not.
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Having worked with a homeless ministry for years, my eyes were opened to how easily someone could end up sleeping on the street. So many scenarios. Actually, I could have spent time in a women's shelter had things gone REALLY wrong in my life. Judge not.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Hello Susan!
Thank you for your thoughtful review!
diane
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I just can't imagine such a life as this and it pains me to see such discomfort. You brought the scene to life with your poignant words here, I particularly liked: "layered coats of pain" those words resonated with me, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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I just can't imagine such a life as this and it pains me to see such discomfort. You brought the scene to life with your poignant words here, I particularly liked: "layered coats of pain" those words resonated with me, love Dolly x
Comment Written 21-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2020
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Thank you, Dolly!
I had never heard of the phrase, "Rough-Sleepers" until I read an article the other day; what an apt description...
Thank you!
Comment from Carlos' girl
Beautiful lune. Sadly the pain is their cloak. To acknowledge the homeless and empathize is the first step to maybe help. Beautiful image as well. It is heartbreaking
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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Beautiful lune. Sadly the pain is their cloak. To acknowledge the homeless and empathize is the first step to maybe help. Beautiful image as well. It is heartbreaking
Comment Written 20-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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Hello Carlos' girl!
So pleased my words resonated with you!
Thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You are right, Mystery Author. One doesn't know the circumstances of homeless individuals. The phrase 'there but the grace of God, go I." Your contest entry is in great from--perfect picture, syllable count, and overall presentation.
Thank you for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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You are right, Mystery Author. One doesn't know the circumstances of homeless individuals. The phrase 'there but the grace of God, go I." Your contest entry is in great from--perfect picture, syllable count, and overall presentation.
Thank you for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 20-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2020
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Hello Jan,
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review.
Homelessness in America - or "Rough-Sleeping" as it is termed in England and elsewhere - hits me in the pit of my stomach - mostly because the greater society is so judgmental, yet as you write, "There but for the grace of God, go I."
Thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You are right, Mystery Author. One doesn't know the circumstances of homeless individuals. The phrase 'there but the grace of God, go I." Your contest entry is in great from--perfect picture, syllable count, and overall presentation.
Thank you for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
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You are right, Mystery Author. One doesn't know the circumstances of homeless individuals. The phrase 'there but the grace of God, go I." Your contest entry is in great from--perfect picture, syllable count, and overall presentation.
Thank you for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 20-Jul-2020