Poems By AnnieDawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "I Know"My book of poems and stories
31 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
very good and very poignant.
I love your choice of words for the blind child- a tree, a windy sea, a bee and a kind friend. Also you picked the perfect accompanying picture.
very nice.
pome lover
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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very good and very poignant.
I love your choice of words for the blind child- a tree, a windy sea, a bee and a kind friend. Also you picked the perfect accompanying picture.
very nice.
pome lover
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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I really thank you for your kind review and support of my entry in the Minute contest. Your time in reviewing is very much appreciated.
Comment from Therese Caron
This is a sad in lovely little poem. The subject knows these beautiful things are out there, some she can smell and hear, but knows she will never see.The sound and smell at the ocean are beautiful and healing, but not to be able to see the ocean, its beauty and its vast power, is a great loss to anyone. Wonderfully written.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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This is a sad in lovely little poem. The subject knows these beautiful things are out there, some she can smell and hear, but knows she will never see.The sound and smell at the ocean are beautiful and healing, but not to be able to see the ocean, its beauty and its vast power, is a great loss to anyone. Wonderfully written.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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I really thank you for your kind review and support of my entry in the Minute contest. Your time in reviewing is very much appreciated.
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You are welcome!
Comment from Tina Crute
This is the most beautiful picture and poem combo. The message is well suited to this form because you can list the things you would like to see.This deserves a six, but I have none. Whoever you are, you write beautifully, and I am glad you enlightened us with the eyes of your heart.
Tina
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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This is the most beautiful picture and poem combo. The message is well suited to this form because you can list the things you would like to see.This deserves a six, but I have none. Whoever you are, you write beautifully, and I am glad you enlightened us with the eyes of your heart.
Tina
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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I really thank you for your kind review and support of my entry in the Minute contest. Your time in reviewing is very much appreciated.
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You are welcome. I loved it!
Tina
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Minute poem about someone who is blind will know about many things when we tell them about the things we can see they will see the world through our eyes.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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A very well-written Minute poem about someone who is blind will know about many things when we tell them about the things we can see they will see the world through our eyes.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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I really thank you for your kind review and support of my entry in the Minute contest. Your time in reviewing is very much appreciated.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Mystery Writer,
A very well-executed Minute poem.
Filled with moving imagery and emotion.
To lose my eyesight is my greatest fear, and I must admit that my eyesight is less than stellar.
You have captured the agony of non-seeing individuals very well ...
Best Wishes!
diane
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Hello Mystery Writer,
A very well-executed Minute poem.
Filled with moving imagery and emotion.
To lose my eyesight is my greatest fear, and I must admit that my eyesight is less than stellar.
You have captured the agony of non-seeing individuals very well ...
Best Wishes!
diane
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thank you so very much for your kind review. I do appreciate the time you take for reviewing.
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
A very Beautifully written poem. So much we that can see take for granted every day. I know that I shall never see a wind whipped sea or find a shell placed by waves swell. I know I will never see a buzzing bee. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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A very Beautifully written poem. So much we that can see take for granted every day. I know that I shall never see a wind whipped sea or find a shell placed by waves swell. I know I will never see a buzzing bee. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thank you so very much for your kind review. I do appreciate the time you take for reviewing.
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Your welcome
Comment from Mary Vigasin
This may seem strange but your poem gave this reader a visual experience of each item as the poet recites each item
Well done poem that also highlights the loss of sight and its loss of seeing life's simple joy.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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This may seem strange but your poem gave this reader a visual experience of each item as the poet recites each item
Well done poem that also highlights the loss of sight and its loss of seeing life's simple joy.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thank you so very much for your kind review. I do appreciate the time you take for reviewing.
Comment from LisaMay
I like the rhythm and rhymes of your poem, and you've chosen some interesting items to highlight what the loss of the sense of sight will mean to a blind person. The other senses will be heightened to compensate somewhat, so hearing will enable them to better enjoy the sound of the bell, the wind, and the buzzing bee, while sense of smell will be elevated to enjoy the bloom and the smell of the sea. Kind friends accept us whatever our limitations.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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I like the rhythm and rhymes of your poem, and you've chosen some interesting items to highlight what the loss of the sense of sight will mean to a blind person. The other senses will be heightened to compensate somewhat, so hearing will enable them to better enjoy the sound of the bell, the wind, and the buzzing bee, while sense of smell will be elevated to enjoy the bloom and the smell of the sea. Kind friends accept us whatever our limitations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thank you so very much for your kind review. I do appreciate the time you take for reviewing.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Mystery Author,
It would be a terrible thing to be blind. But there are worse disabilities.
Steveland Hardaway Judkins was born six weeks premature on May 13, 1950. He wasn't actually born blind, but became so at six weeks old due to the incubator he was placed in after birth. It contained too much oxygen and caused Retinopathy of Prematurity. ROP occurs when the growth of the eyes is aborted and causes the retinas to detach. The result is blindness.
Yet, Steveland went on to become quite successful and admired. Steve taught himself to play harmonica at age 5, and the drums at age 8. He'd constantly bang on anything while listening to music on the radio. He never thought blindness was a disadvantage. And he never thought being black was a disadvantage. He was signed at just 12 years of age by Berry Gordy Jr. of Motown Records. His first album was quickly produced entitled "Recorded Live: The 12 Year Old Genius". It hit the number one spot on both pop and R&B charts. That's Stevie Wonder.
A couple of suggestions,
"A blooming flower
A wet rain shower" ... "wet" is a bit superfluous where it's connected to "rain shower". How about (a warm rain shower)? Blind people would rely on other senses.
"A wind whipped sea
Or find a shell
Placed by waves swell" ... I suggest "wind-whipped"
Also, that last line is a real tongue-twister. For a smoother read, you could say (a clam's hotel) or (shaped like a bell). It's not necessary though. Some people enjoy a tongue-twister.
"A buzzing bee
A friend that's kind
For I am blind" ... "buzzing" is also superfluous. But what about "a bulging bee"? I don't know how some of those fat bees get off the ground. Have you seen them? They're like a helicopter.
I'd also write "a friend who's kind".
I hope I'm not being too picky. Perhaps some of this might help.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Hi Mystery Author,
It would be a terrible thing to be blind. But there are worse disabilities.
Steveland Hardaway Judkins was born six weeks premature on May 13, 1950. He wasn't actually born blind, but became so at six weeks old due to the incubator he was placed in after birth. It contained too much oxygen and caused Retinopathy of Prematurity. ROP occurs when the growth of the eyes is aborted and causes the retinas to detach. The result is blindness.
Yet, Steveland went on to become quite successful and admired. Steve taught himself to play harmonica at age 5, and the drums at age 8. He'd constantly bang on anything while listening to music on the radio. He never thought blindness was a disadvantage. And he never thought being black was a disadvantage. He was signed at just 12 years of age by Berry Gordy Jr. of Motown Records. His first album was quickly produced entitled "Recorded Live: The 12 Year Old Genius". It hit the number one spot on both pop and R&B charts. That's Stevie Wonder.
A couple of suggestions,
"A blooming flower
A wet rain shower" ... "wet" is a bit superfluous where it's connected to "rain shower". How about (a warm rain shower)? Blind people would rely on other senses.
"A wind whipped sea
Or find a shell
Placed by waves swell" ... I suggest "wind-whipped"
Also, that last line is a real tongue-twister. For a smoother read, you could say (a clam's hotel) or (shaped like a bell). It's not necessary though. Some people enjoy a tongue-twister.
"A buzzing bee
A friend that's kind
For I am blind" ... "buzzing" is also superfluous. But what about "a bulging bee"? I don't know how some of those fat bees get off the ground. Have you seen them? They're like a helicopter.
I'd also write "a friend who's kind".
I hope I'm not being too picky. Perhaps some of this might help.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Great tips. I always appreciate them and am honored that you took the time to review as much in depth as you did. Thanks so much.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Poet,
What a sad little piece! Fortunately, this character CAN feel the rain, smell the flower, enjoy the wind, hear the bees, and certainly - appreciate the touch of a friend.
This was a charming and subtle way of reminding those of us who are sighted that we can take a lot for granted - AND showing us a bit of what it might be like to be unsighted.
Note:
1.) A blooming flower
A wet rain shower
--> each of these lines has five syllables instead of only four
Thanks and good luck! (Let me know if you edit, please)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Dear Mystery Poet,
What a sad little piece! Fortunately, this character CAN feel the rain, smell the flower, enjoy the wind, hear the bees, and certainly - appreciate the touch of a friend.
This was a charming and subtle way of reminding those of us who are sighted that we can take a lot for granted - AND showing us a bit of what it might be like to be unsighted.
Note:
1.) A blooming flower
A wet rain shower
--> each of these lines has five syllables instead of only four
Thanks and good luck! (Let me know if you edit, please)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020
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Thanks for the tips. I will edit and will be more careful from now on. It is so nice to have someone really edit a piece instead of just giving a flowery review. I really really appreciate your time.