Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello, my friend,

Wonderful entry for the Suddenly a superhero writing prompt contest. You followed the rules of the contest well.

Your story was contemporary and relatable. It would be nice if we could redo the pandemic with a warning.

Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020

Hello Gypsy, thanks for the great review! Yes, it would sure be wonderful to redo the pandemic with a warning... it's hard to know how many of us would listen, though!
I really enjoyed writing it. God bless you, my friend and stay safe.
Love, Mary Kay xoxo

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written story about can accident that you are involved in makes you suddenly a super hero without painful knees. You and your body be in perfect shape and you are even younger, it seems like an impossible dream coming true.

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020

Thank you, Sandra, for your fine review, including the five stars. Yes, it does seem like an impossible dream coming true, but if I am becoming a superhero, I may as well be one in a younger, fitter body -- all in the service of humanity, of course ;-)
It was fun to write! God bless you. Love, Mary Kay xoxo

Comment from writer723

Exceptional

This story was very captivating and engaging. It grabbed my attention from the beginning and drew me right in, holding me until the end. I would love to be able to go back in time and change the past to make things better. This is a power that I'd be happy to possess and put to good use. You story had several humorous moments that got a chuckle out of me. They were just so cute and sweet.

I like the idea that someone could go back and warn people about the virus before it became so widespread. Hopefully, one day it will cease to exist. Maybe one day our lives will all go back to normal, instead of what they call, "Our new normal."

 Comment Written 18-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020

Thank you so much for your superb and beautiful review, and especially for the six stars. You wrote so many wonderful things about my story, I hardly know where to begin! I'm so glad you found enjoyment in the narrative -- that makes me happy. Also, I am finding that others also wish they could go back and change the past -- we're not the only ones! Also, I agree with you about longing to go back to normal, instead of the "new normal," which sometimes seems to be a grotesque imitation, an unfair bait-and-switch. In my prayers, I ask God to eradicate Covid-19 from the Earth (and not to let something worse take its place). It doesn't hurt to ask, right? May He bless you and keep you safe.
Love, Mary Kay xoxo

reply by writer723 on 19-Sep-2020

I also wanted to let you know that I really liked your inclusion of God, prayer and faith in the story. I usually always try to add something about the Lord in my writing, even if it's subtle, because I told Him I would do so. And you never know who it might reach out to at just the right time in their life. I also enjoyed the angle you wrote the story from. As in making it a big mystery as to how you survived the train wreck and got back home fairly unscathed.

By the way, is that photo a pic of you? If so, you were beautiful back then and you are still beautiful now, too. What a lovely smile you have! God bless and have a great day! Also, congratulations on your win!

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020

Thanks so much for everything you wrote! Yes, I like having God involved in my stories, because He is already involved in our lives. I am blessed to know that you also have faith in Him.
Yes, that was me! Thank you for your compliments. My smile needs some work these days, but then I had a full set of teeth, except for my 4 wisdom teeth (at least I think so). I think that was also one of my favorite dresses, but you can't see it all in the photo. I was in my 30s and in very good condition. I was so happy to find that photo handy! Many blessings to you!
Love, Mary Kay xoxo

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Exceptional

You did a great job with your contest entry, Mary Kay, I enjoyed reading it. I like the smooth transition from your present time to the past then back to the future. Everything read well. I could imagine all that you wrote and the time sequence. I was engaged from start to finish with your well-thought out entry.
Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020

Thank you so much, Jan, for this superb review. I appreciate everything you wrote about my story, and that you could both follow it and enjoy it. May God bless you. Love, Mary Kay xoxo

Comment from Elizabeth Emerald

Excellent

What an imagination! Time traveling to warn people of what was to come--I'm surprised you decided to return to the present and face the charges! Good luck. Cheers. LIZ

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020

Thank you, Liz, for your great review and for the five stars. I appreciate your time and your thoughts. I think she's apprehensive about facing the charges, yet hopeful, because she acted innocently and doesn't even remember how she left the scene; she is hoping for leniency and especially wanting to get back into her correct timeline. Love and blessings, Mary Kay xoxo

Comment from BethShelby

Exceptional

You have created an excellent story for the contest. You have managed to save your friends and church members and many in the city because you warned them in time. It is too bad you had to go back. Maybe you should at least leave yourself a note to stay off that train tracks because unless the miracle happened again, you'd likely be dead.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020

Thank you so much, Beth, for your fantastic review, which raises an interesting question -- maybe more interesting than you realize! My assumption had been that Lynn MUST go back to the tracks (which is why she left Adam, her husband, with instructions to allow it to happen again), because Lynn is now traveling back and forth through time, and operating on the basis of an assumption of faith that she is in "miracle mode" -- it WILL happen again. (I was even thinking of writing more chapters of this fantasy.)
But Adam will certainly let her know what is coming, when her future self is replaced by her past self (how that even happens, I don't know), after she teleports back into the future. Then, in September, does she KNOWINGLY cause a train crash in which several other people are injured -- even assuming she's not killed or injured, and the miracle for her is repeated? Does she still leave the scene of the accident? And what does she tell the police etc.? Time travel is full of paradoxes and moral dilemmas (even if she goes on to further adventures in saving people from past woes). It's kind of mind-boggling.
Thank you for caring about my character! That's so kind of you.
Love and blessings,
Mary Kay xoxo

reply by BethShelby on 18-Sep-2020

I would think since she is cured, her mental and emotional problems would be gone and the train crash wouldn't happen. Did your read my script called Dark History where I did the time travel thing and went back and interviewed someone during WII. It isn't paying as of ;yesterday but it is still up for votes in the conversation with past contest. In mine, I could observe history and interview someone from the past but I couldn't change it. Time Travel is whatever the writer wants it to be.

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020

Thanks, Beth. I will take a look!
Love, Mary Kay xoxo

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

What a clever, imaginative and so relevant story for this prompt! If only we could go back in time and warn others. Would they believe? I like that you show us how a physical and visual change helped people to believe!
So good to see your post today, Mary Kay! Hope you do well in the contest!

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020

Thank you so much, Helen, for your excellent and encouraging review of my story. I deeply appreciate that you like the whole concept of having the ability to change things for the better, and how a miraculous physical transformation gave credence to my assertions. Time travel fantasies can become very tricky, especially the interactions between people, but of course the whole genre of science fiction and fantasy always involves some suspension of disbelief. It brings out the child in us, not a bad idea! Thank you again, my friend.
Hugs and prayers, Mary Kay xoxo

Comment from TommyWrites

Excellent

This is a very interesting way to use up this contest.
I love it!
I really like how you told this story of you waking up and becoming this "superhero" who warns everyone of the incoming corona virus. I also love how you displayed God in it. Because every gift we have, whether "superhero" like, is from Him. :)
This is truly an excellent contest entry, and I throughly enjoyed it.
Good luck,
TommyWrites~

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020

Thank you, Tommy, for your excellent and very thoughtful review. I enjoyed what you wrote and appreciate your feedback. Very encouraging! - Mary Kay

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

Hi, Mary Kaye. this is a cute little tale, but I have to admit it is a bit far-fetched. But, then again, that is what the contest is all about, right? LOL

The story flows well and I see some good imagery here and there too, like here:

"We were out on the streets, wearing our masks, to set an example, but also because we didn't want to get sick, like we did the first time around."

A couple of suggestions: Never start a story with dialogue. Just doesn't work. also, refrain from using adverbs like "drowsily" All adverbs ae really considered dandelions of good effective writing.

Good luck in the contest, Mary. :) Bob

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Sep-2020

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reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020

Thank you, Bob, for your great review. I appreciate your suggestions. I have never heard that advice about not starting a story with dialogue before (indeed, some contests here are dialogue-only), but you are probably right. I may have heard the bit about adverbs, but I don't think it's a hard-and-fast rule -- and I never heard adverbs referred to as dandelions before! However I will certainly keep it in mind, more so in prose than in poetry. Without adverbs, our dictionaries would be substantially shorter, and yet you make a very interesting point. My use of "drowsily," in particular, could probably have been expressed better in a different way. I was inundated with some unavoidable necessities this past week, and would have preferred to have spent more time writing this story.
As for "far-fetched," you have provided the correct answer yourself! I just ran with it :-) Thanks for reviewing! - Mary Kay

reply by Mastery on 17-Sep-2020

You are right , Mary. You know better. You'll not have me advising you anymore. (: Bob

ps. Those are specialty contests not for general use in the case of the dialogue. And on the adverbs, refer to Stephen King's book called "On Writing" $19.95 at Barnes and Noble. Google it. where he says adverbs are used a s a crutch by beginners to modify nouns and action. Bye bye.

reply by the author on 17-Sep-2020

Please, Bob, I never intended to offend you, nor was I rejecting your advice! I merely said several times that I hadn't heard some of the advice before -- I said you're probably right! I said I appreciated your suggestions! I said I would keep it in mind and that you made an interesting point! How does that translate into "I know better"? If I came off that way, I didn't mean to, and I am so sorry.

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020

And by the way, I did not in any way mean to imply that anything you said was far-fetched. I was simply affirming that when you said that my story was a bit far-fetched, and then admit that the story's premise was far-fetched from the outset, I was simply agreeing with you. We are in the land of make-believe here, which makes this a fantasy genre and what follows is therefore acceptable.

reply by Mastery on 18-Sep-2020

When someone offers yo free advice, (especially a successful publishe dfour times over author) you simply accept it graciously an dmove on. You can always look further to see if he or she knows what he iw talking about. But taking the poture of making up reasons for why you do things is not very pleasing to someone who is trying to help. I sugges tyou ask a few others ai have helped in big ways, like EarlCorp and Ralffalina Lowcock. :) Have a good day, Mary. Bob

reply by the author on 18-Sep-2020

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks and God bless you. - Mary Kay

reply by Mastery on 18-Sep-2020

psps. I never said don't use adverbs, Mary. Of course they are part of the English language. The trick is keep them to a minimum for better writing. :) Bob

reply by the author on 19-Sep-2020

I agree completely. Thanks again.
- Mary Kay

reply by Mastery on 19-Sep-2020

:) Bob

reply by Mastery on 19-Sep-2020

:) Bob