Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Betrayal Chapter 24"In the title.
43 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The machinations that occur when someone tries to manipulate the law, are mind-boggling. It seems that Colin's mother is quite the manipulator and Tania should be on her guard. As if things aren't bad enough, the lies are working against a fair trial. Grant is having a rough time sustaining his temper.
Ralf
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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The machinations that occur when someone tries to manipulate the law, are mind-boggling. It seems that Colin's mother is quite the manipulator and Tania should be on her guard. As if things aren't bad enough, the lies are working against a fair trial. Grant is having a rough time sustaining his temper.
Ralf
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this review, Ralf. You're right, Colin's mother is very much a manipulator, she knew what she was doing when she signed away Grant to his grandfather. Now she'll going to try her best in making sure Colin stays out of prison. I'm so pleased you sussed her out, my friend. Thank you. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Mistydawn
So the jerk is out, that's just great. Of course, his enabler for a mother doesn't help and the twisted story. God knows what other kind of bull she'll concoct next. Loran's right, Tanya is far from safe. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting, believable from start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
As far as your question, either would work. It'd be harder to explain a realistic escape, but him being on the run could add suspense to things, not knowing where he is, his mental state, what he'll do next. Then again, he and his mom working together, not knowing what they're up to, that she'll do whatever it takes to perfect her son can be suspenseful too, order a hit sacrifice her life for his. She could even hide somewhere making Tanya always looking over her shoulder. This could carry on to a second book. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it'll be great.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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So the jerk is out, that's just great. Of course, his enabler for a mother doesn't help and the twisted story. God knows what other kind of bull she'll concoct next. Loran's right, Tanya is far from safe. Your chapter is very well-written, interesting, believable from start to finish. I look forward to reading more.
As far as your question, either would work. It'd be harder to explain a realistic escape, but him being on the run could add suspense to things, not knowing where he is, his mental state, what he'll do next. Then again, he and his mom working together, not knowing what they're up to, that she'll do whatever it takes to perfect her son can be suspenseful too, order a hit sacrifice her life for his. She could even hide somewhere making Tanya always looking over her shoulder. This could carry on to a second book. Whatever you decide, I'm sure it'll be great.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Wow, Misty! Thank you so much for your thoughts on Colin. You've given me loads to think about. You've come up with some great ideas, and I like them all! The only down side of your review is now I've got to choose which of your ideas to take on. Can I mix them together in some way? Well, I can see me up all night now with your review and all you fabulous suggestions! Thank you so very much! I need to give you the six stars for the review, let alone you giving it to me!! LOL. Thank you, my clever friend. I truly loved your thoughts. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I got all excited when I saw you posted. I knew I would be in for a good read. Colin on the loose not at all good. I fear for Tania's safety. I am sure it will bring her and Grant closer.
He sat down and put the call straight to Roland's private number. (omit 'down' it's extra)
Grant took a deep breath as his free hand fisted in anger. (I like this description.)
This was a lot to take in. 'I don't like the idea that he's at liberty and is able to get in contact with Tania.' (you can omit 'that' its an extra word)
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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I got all excited when I saw you posted. I knew I would be in for a good read. Colin on the loose not at all good. I fear for Tania's safety. I am sure it will bring her and Grant closer.
He sat down and put the call straight to Roland's private number. (omit 'down' it's extra)
Grant took a deep breath as his free hand fisted in anger. (I like this description.)
This was a lot to take in. 'I don't like the idea that he's at liberty and is able to get in contact with Tania.' (you can omit 'that' its an extra word)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you so very much for those six shiny stars, Barbara, I really appreciated them, and the fabulous review. That really put a smile on my face. Thanks also for those edits, my friend, I'll go and sort them out. Have a lovely week! Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Sanku
This is better than his escaping. The story about his disorder could be a lie.
Yet another twist. what does Colin and his mother expect? I wonder. that the violence was the result of stopping the medication? how can he then explain the previous thefts of tanyas design.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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This is better than his escaping. The story about his disorder could be a lie.
Yet another twist. what does Colin and his mother expect? I wonder. that the violence was the result of stopping the medication? how can he then explain the previous thefts of tanyas design.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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There is a lot about Colin that is suspect. His mother is the brains behind him, and doesn't care what she does to get what she wants. She certainly doesn't want Grant to win over Colin. Thank you so much for your thoughtful review Sanku, it gives me lots to think about. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sandra:
There is something compelling, albeit not in a positive way, about Colin being out due to his mother's bailing him out. It opens all kinds of doors as to whether his sadistic personality disorder was diagnosed before or after what he did to Tania (sometimes money can have disorders become somewhat retroactive) and then what a court does with that. Unfortunately, that is the reality of the world in which we live. If Colin broke out of jail, then Grant might have the license to do what he wants to him.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Sandra:
There is something compelling, albeit not in a positive way, about Colin being out due to his mother's bailing him out. It opens all kinds of doors as to whether his sadistic personality disorder was diagnosed before or after what he did to Tania (sometimes money can have disorders become somewhat retroactive) and then what a court does with that. Unfortunately, that is the reality of the world in which we live. If Colin broke out of jail, then Grant might have the license to do what he wants to him.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you for your very helpful review. I've had more go for Colin having bail, and only two saying escape. I'm going to sort through at the end. Thank you, Rdfrdmom2. I really appreciated your review. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Leann DS
This is a very interesting story line, and it contained many details to support the scene. The dialogue helped to validate the emotional state of the main character
If I may, I noticed one typo:
Jeff was right behind her, which was becoming the norm of late. He was holding an overnight bag with Tania's clothes in.
-I believe this is missing a word at the end
Thank you for sharing. Hugs and blessings.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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This is a very interesting story line, and it contained many details to support the scene. The dialogue helped to validate the emotional state of the main character
If I may, I noticed one typo:
Jeff was right behind her, which was becoming the norm of late. He was holding an overnight bag with Tania's clothes in.
-I believe this is missing a word at the end
Thank you for sharing. Hugs and blessings.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you, Leann, for this lovely review, and for spotting that error. I've made some changes to that now. I'm glad you enjoyed reading this part. Have a lovely week! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ric Myworld
Never a dull moment, as I expected, wondering what will happen with Colin out of jail. Answering your question, I don't know what the laws are in the U.K. but can't imagine anyone being released after everything he's done, even without a hearing and multiple doctor assessments. At least in the U.S. Personally, it would be more realistic that he escaped. It might even make him appear even more desperate and dangerous. But, either way, it's all good and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Never a dull moment, as I expected, wondering what will happen with Colin out of jail. Answering your question, I don't know what the laws are in the U.K. but can't imagine anyone being released after everything he's done, even without a hearing and multiple doctor assessments. At least in the U.S. Personally, it would be more realistic that he escaped. It might even make him appear even more desperate and dangerous. But, either way, it's all good and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for giving me your thoughts on his bail, or to escape. It's the same in the UK, he wouldn't have just been given bail, but would have been assessed by at least three psychiatrists. I'm going to see how I can reword it as I want it to be believable. Thank you, my friend, you have been very helpful. Warm hugs, :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a good chapter with plenty of interesting details still to come. I like court room dramas but I guess I may have to wait a bit before we come to that.
Here are a few points I noticed that need touching up.
'The betrayal of the two women he should have been able to trust, his mother and his wife, had made sure of that.' - Sorry, but this is a real howler. It looks as though he betrayed the two women. It needs to read, 'The betrayal (of) [by] the two women he should have been able to trust...'
'He'd always enjoyed watching her eyes...' - I would query 'always'. How long has he known her? This needs qualifying, perhaps with an 'although'
'Good. Now, one other thing. Miss Russell will be called...' - I'm making a guess that 'Miss Russell' is Tania but I think this needs more stress as we haven't had her surname for a long time. Perhaps 'Miss Tania Russell will be called...'
'Lorna got the gist of the conversation just from listening to what Grant was saying, and [from] the angry look on his face.' - The second 'from' is necessary to make sense of this.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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This is a good chapter with plenty of interesting details still to come. I like court room dramas but I guess I may have to wait a bit before we come to that.
Here are a few points I noticed that need touching up.
'The betrayal of the two women he should have been able to trust, his mother and his wife, had made sure of that.' - Sorry, but this is a real howler. It looks as though he betrayed the two women. It needs to read, 'The betrayal (of) [by] the two women he should have been able to trust...'
'He'd always enjoyed watching her eyes...' - I would query 'always'. How long has he known her? This needs qualifying, perhaps with an 'although'
'Good. Now, one other thing. Miss Russell will be called...' - I'm making a guess that 'Miss Russell' is Tania but I think this needs more stress as we haven't had her surname for a long time. Perhaps 'Miss Tania Russell will be called...'
'Lorna got the gist of the conversation just from listening to what Grant was saying, and [from] the angry look on his face.' - The second 'from' is necessary to make sense of this.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you, Jim! I was looking through this part for the first error then realised it was the previous part. I'm glad you picked that up, I'll have to check my MS copy. The other parts you picked up on I've corrected. Changing.. 'He'd always enjoyed...' to...
In the short time he?d known Tania, he'd been drawn to her eyes and the way they revealed....
And I've added the 'from'. I'm so glad you are one of my first reviewers and catch my nits. I'm sure more will be coming up, which is good. The day I have none, I'll know there is something wrong!
Thanks for this, Jim! Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from BethShelby
To me it seems that being released into the custody of his mother is just as dangerous as having him escape, and maybe more so because if he escaped people would be looking for him. This way he would probably be free to cause more harm because his mother will lie to protect him. I see this story has more scary moments to come. It continues to be an excellent read. I'm awaiting more.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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To me it seems that being released into the custody of his mother is just as dangerous as having him escape, and maybe more so because if he escaped people would be looking for him. This way he would probably be free to cause more harm because his mother will lie to protect him. I see this story has more scary moments to come. It continues to be an excellent read. I'm awaiting more.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for giving me your thoughts on his release. It's a great help to me. So far it's 3 in favour of bail and 1 undecided. I'll wait until I have the final count before I do anything. Thanks for the helpful review, Beth. Have a lovely week! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
If he's out on the run Grant will kill him at, end of the story. If it's on bail gives you more to great a better and deeper narration. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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If he's out on the run Grant will kill him at, end of the story. If it's on bail gives you more to great a better and deeper narration. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
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Thank you, Iza, for your thoughts on his release. I think it's going to be a mixed response, lol. I do agree with what you are saying that had been my thoughts when I wrote it. Thanks for the great review, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
