Brian's book of poem's
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "fallen leaves"poetry
46 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Whilst haikus are not necessarily in the form 5-7-5 favoured in site contests here, I think the central line should be longer than the other two. I'm no expert and could be wrong. However, the effect depends on economical use of words, so it is unusual to see a word repeated.
You have created an accurate word picture with a seasonal reference.
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Whilst haikus are not necessarily in the form 5-7-5 favoured in site contests here, I think the central line should be longer than the other two. I'm no expert and could be wrong. However, the effect depends on economical use of words, so it is unusual to see a word repeated.
You have created an accurate word picture with a seasonal reference.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I have read many haikus but still don't know how to write them myself, so well done for trying one! I do know that the 4-4-4 format is acceptable, as is the 5-7-5, but one thing I would try to do is get rid of that second 'leaves' and replace it with another word. I like that you have turned away from the normal reds and oranges as the leaves fall, and use brown, which they all end up as. That makes yours unique. Just try and find another word other than the second 'leaves'. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
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I have read many haikus but still don't know how to write them myself, so well done for trying one! I do know that the 4-4-4 format is acceptable, as is the 5-7-5, but one thing I would try to do is get rid of that second 'leaves' and replace it with another word. I like that you have turned away from the normal reds and oranges as the leaves fall, and use brown, which they all end up as. That makes yours unique. Just try and find another word other than the second 'leaves'. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 05-Oct-2021
Comment from karenina
Haiku can be deceptively hard to finesse! Practice is essential, so good for you for putting this out there. The repetition of "leaves" within seventeen syllables seems redundant. How could you express that last line without "leaves?"
Your 4-4-4 count is accepted in modern haiku...
(Used to be most stuck with 5-7-5!)
I do like that you effectively communicated the "other" side of Autumn...
So often we think of the brilliant foliage but, alas, we do indeed end up with this, on winter's cusp...
Karenina
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Haiku can be deceptively hard to finesse! Practice is essential, so good for you for putting this out there. The repetition of "leaves" within seventeen syllables seems redundant. How could you express that last line without "leaves?"
Your 4-4-4 count is accepted in modern haiku...
(Used to be most stuck with 5-7-5!)
I do like that you effectively communicated the "other" side of Autumn...
So often we think of the brilliant foliage but, alas, we do indeed end up with this, on winter's cusp...
Karenina
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Heads-up--for future reference, haiku is traditionally 17 syllables in 5-7-5 syllable format--yours is 4-4-4. Some on-site contests permit leeway insofar as being less than 17 syllables.
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Heads-up--for future reference, haiku is traditionally 17 syllables in 5-7-5 syllable format--yours is 4-4-4. Some on-site contests permit leeway insofar as being less than 17 syllables.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
Comment from writer723
This is a very nice haiku. I like watching the leaves fall from the trees. There's something so serene about it. You expressed the scene quite well. I think you captured a verbal snapshot of how colorful life and nature are in autumn. You painted a cozy scene in my mind of the Fall season. Great job!
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This is a very nice haiku. I like watching the leaves fall from the trees. There's something so serene about it. You expressed the scene quite well. I think you captured a verbal snapshot of how colorful life and nature are in autumn. You painted a cozy scene in my mind of the Fall season. Great job!
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A simple statement here to drive home the point that the season has changed and we see a different view outside our window, the summer is just a memory, love Dolly x
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A simple statement here to drive home the point that the season has changed and we see a different view outside our window, the summer is just a memory, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
Comment from Boogienights
Leaves have fallen in Minnesota as well but the are beautiful colors im happy to say. Reds, oranges, yellows, they make me happy. I hope you get to see these colors as well. :)
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Leaves have fallen in Minnesota as well but the are beautiful colors im happy to say. Reds, oranges, yellows, they make me happy. I hope you get to see these colors as well. :)
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
Comment from NANCY V. FORREST
You paint a dark picture of autumn very well. It is the important flip side of the crimsons and gold we often associate with it. Says winter is coming.
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You paint a dark picture of autumn very well. It is the important flip side of the crimsons and gold we often associate with it. Says winter is coming.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
Comment from Wendy G
I think that Haiku usually follows a 5-7-5 format, although I know it is acceptable to have fewer than seventeen syllables. Your have few words, but still "leaves" is repeated. Try to make it a bit "different", not just stating the obvious ... but definitely keep trying, as I am sure you will get there! It's actually quite hard to do a good Haiku .... Best wishes for your writing.
Wendy
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I think that Haiku usually follows a 5-7-5 format, although I know it is acceptable to have fewer than seventeen syllables. Your have few words, but still "leaves" is repeated. Try to make it a bit "different", not just stating the obvious ... but definitely keep trying, as I am sure you will get there! It's actually quite hard to do a good Haiku .... Best wishes for your writing.
Wendy
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021
Comment from Paul McFarland
Brian, you have chosen a good topic, but you have got to slide something in that is a little unusual that will grab someone's attention. It's a little hard to do with so few words, but give this another try.
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Brian, you have chosen a good topic, but you have got to slide something in that is a little unusual that will grab someone's attention. It's a little hard to do with so few words, but give this another try.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2021