Special Delivery
Somebody knows . . . somebody always knows.71 total reviews
Comment from NightWriter
Wow! "Special Delivery" is one scary tale. Right from the start it captures you and pulls you in. The sex is intense! Then the murder which is riveting. All ending with the two heads. Well done! Chilling tale. :)
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Wow! "Special Delivery" is one scary tale. Right from the start it captures you and pulls you in. The sex is intense! Then the murder which is riveting. All ending with the two heads. Well done! Chilling tale. :)
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hey,Steve. Thanks for reading this...I'm gld you did an dthanks for the great review....Bob
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written. I'm wondering if Charlie left the heads. (LOL)
Confusion:
{In one sentence, you have her taking off her bra. In the next the bra is still on}
Her blouse and bra went first--slowly--then her jeans, leaving a soft blue lace bra filled to the brim, and matching blue panties he hadn't seen before.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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This is very well written. I'm wondering if Charlie left the heads. (LOL)
Confusion:
{In one sentence, you have her taking off her bra. In the next the bra is still on}
Her blouse and bra went first--slowly--then her jeans, leaving a soft blue lace bra filled to the brim, and matching blue panties he hadn't seen before.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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LOL...LOL...Hi, Charlie....The reason I'm laughing is in answer to your confusion: A guy just came along and reminded me that the woman hadn't removed her bra by the time the dude started nursing. I went back and check and quickly inseerted "and bra" not realizing that I had the bra filed to the brim right after that...LOL...Anyway, all is stright now...Thanks for the review, Charlie. I owe you one...I would have felt like a horse's ass if more reviewed it before I corrected it. Thanks again...Bob
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You're welcome, Bob. Charlie
Comment from christopherjl
Wow, this was terrifying and suspensful to read. I couldn't imagine writing something like this myself. It was really good and kept me reading. The characters fear comes through the pages quite nicely. No suggestions.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Wow, this was terrifying and suspensful to read. I couldn't imagine writing something like this myself. It was really good and kept me reading. The characters fear comes through the pages quite nicely. No suggestions.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Welcome aboard Fanstory and thanks, Chris. Hey what was youropinion of Charlie's role in the story? Just curious...Bob
Comment from EXMAN. nffc
Time passed quickly as he worked frantically,
The quickly, frantically thing caused a bit of a rhyme and threw me here. Not so sure that frantically fit with the way I saw tony acting.
sound and topped sideways against
shouldn't it be 'toppled'
Hi Bob. What a great story. The sex at the start had me going, though you had Lisa take off her panties but not her bra. The next time you mentioned her breasts, it was gone. Wish I could get one of those bra's for my wife.
Other than that it was good enjoyable writing. Makes me a bit green really.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Time passed quickly as he worked frantically,
The quickly, frantically thing caused a bit of a rhyme and threw me here. Not so sure that frantically fit with the way I saw tony acting.
sound and topped sideways against
shouldn't it be 'toppled'
Hi Bob. What a great story. The sex at the start had me going, though you had Lisa take off her panties but not her bra. The next time you mentioned her breasts, it was gone. Wish I could get one of those bra's for my wife.
Other than that it was good enjoyable writing. Makes me a bit green really.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi, exman. I appreciat eall of your tips and the time you took to read this little story. The bra thing....LOL...funny...nobody noticed that until you just did...I fixed it...thanks...The toppled too...you saved me there. I'm sorry, the "quickly" "frantically" stays...it was meant to roll off your tongue...It's a form of alliteration...Thanks again....Bob
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Glad to have helped. The thing with reading good works is it doesn't feel like your 'taking the time'. You're just reading and enjoying and pointing ou the bits you slip on a little. Makes it all worthwhile when you end up doing someone a good turn.
Catch you again soon Bob.
Glorious morning here. Taking the kids to the surf lifesaving club for training this morning. Going to need the sunblock.
Comment from Mohubby
This was a pretty engaging story. I'm not a big reader of heavy sexual content (not that I'm a prude)so it seemed extreme to me at first. Then it occurred to me that as a writer of primarily horror, my violent and bloody content is no less extreme, even gratuitous at times. That's not to say yours was at all.
So I learned something about myself from this one. Those scene was hot, either way.
I love the term "constellations of blood".
The ending was pretty cool, too. Wish I could say I saw it coming, but you kept me guessing, so thanks.
Good Luck in the voting.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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This was a pretty engaging story. I'm not a big reader of heavy sexual content (not that I'm a prude)so it seemed extreme to me at first. Then it occurred to me that as a writer of primarily horror, my violent and bloody content is no less extreme, even gratuitous at times. That's not to say yours was at all.
So I learned something about myself from this one. Those scene was hot, either way.
I love the term "constellations of blood".
The ending was pretty cool, too. Wish I could say I saw it coming, but you kept me guessing, so thanks.
Good Luck in the voting.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Welcome aboard, friend! I see you just joined. I am honored that you chose one of my stoires to read early on...Thanks Especially since you aren't a big fan of the above, I think yoou did very well with your review...for me I am a happy camper Thanks so much...Bob (Mastery)
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Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with sex in what I read (I have to confess I read that scene twice). I think I learned something about the similatities between sex and violence after thinking about it, and how backward American entertainment critics can be when addressing both.
I'd rather my thirteen year-old son read something sexually explicit than horribly bloody. He's more likely to expience the former than the latter. Like I said. I learned something.
Thanks for becoming a fan. I didn't even know we could do that.
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Yes, you can do the same by going to my profile page (just click my name) and then click where it says "Become a fan" at the top of the page. Then they will notify you right away when I post something new. Also, it is the best way to make friends and get people busy reviewing your work....Bob
Comment from Soulester
Hi, Bob, Your descriptions are exceptional. I really like the way you spiced it up with a little humor here and there, especially at the end. You did a great job on character development and rising tension, too. In all? You've got an excellent contest contender here. My only consideration? I've lived in four cities, and trick-or-treat was always over by eight or nine. Good luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi, Bob, Your descriptions are exceptional. I really like the way you spiced it up with a little humor here and there, especially at the end. You did a great job on character development and rising tension, too. In all? You've got an excellent contest contender here. My only consideration? I've lived in four cities, and trick-or-treat was always over by eight or nine. Good luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Thanks so much, Mary...Yes, that's true...eight or so...I just forgot maybe I'll change it...LOL...Bob
Comment from joan marie
I think you mean heeeeere's Toneeeee! Not her's.
I like the descriptive phrases you used like a tarantula disguised as Betty Crocker. There were some great ones. Good story. joan marie
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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I think you mean heeeeere's Toneeeee! Not her's.
I like the descriptive phrases you used like a tarantula disguised as Betty Crocker. There were some great ones. Good story. joan marie
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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LOL...Thanks so much, Joan Marie...You know, you won't believe how many people missed that...including me....LOL..thanks again...Bob
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I spelled whiskey wrong in my latest post and it took 13 reviews before anyone noticed. I had to look at it twice. I thought what's missing? One edit is pretty good in my book. jm
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Thanks again, Joan...You are right....Bob
Comment from adewpearl
Well, that will show him for going around killing people and chopping them up into pieces! LOL This is certainly a darkly funny story - poor cuckolded bastard! :-) I love the logic of people who are upset - can't deal with a pre-nup so I'll just kill a couple of people instead. That sure won't cause any possible fuss! LOL Great detail - a most entertaining story of betrayal, murder and revenge :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Well, that will show him for going around killing people and chopping them up into pieces! LOL This is certainly a darkly funny story - poor cuckolded bastard! :-) I love the logic of people who are upset - can't deal with a pre-nup so I'll just kill a couple of people instead. That sure won't cause any possible fuss! LOL Great detail - a most entertaining story of betrayal, murder and revenge :-) Brooke
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi, Brooke.Thanks very much..LOL...Funny and in depth review...I would nominate you but none left. I appreciate it when people say more than five words or so...Bob
Comment from Kathryn Varuzza
Bob,
This is one creepy story.
Perfect for Halloween.
I like your new title.
I like the image.
Great descriptions.
Gruesome.
Interesting.
Chilling.
Good luck in the contest.
I liked it.
katie
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Bob,
This is one creepy story.
Perfect for Halloween.
I like your new title.
I like the image.
Great descriptions.
Gruesome.
Interesting.
Chilling.
Good luck in the contest.
I liked it.
katie
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi, Katie what did you think of Charlie's influence in the story? Just curious? Thanks a lot...Bob
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Bob,
Now that you mention it. I don't think you even need to put Charlie in the story. I mean, when he knocked on the door, it added some suspense, and some fear at his being discovered, but I don't know if you need to include it.
You should see what other people say. People who have written a lot of stories.
Katie
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I purposely put him in there to cause some suspense...for instance one woman said I was hoping he would hurry up and go away....another said she was hoping he'd get caught by Charlie...So you see...?? I onlyknow when you write something, it has to seem realistic in as many ways as possible and a neighbor coming by at the wrong time hardly seemes a stretch, does it? Thanks Katie...I appreciate yhour time...Bob
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Bob,
No, it seemed very realistic, and did create suspense. Would he get caught, so it did what you wanted it to do.
Katie
Comment from BarnCat
Bob -- what a great story. Many of your descriptions were quite poetic but not to the detriment of the story progression. Excellent characterizations and well paced dialog. Obviously one should never hump the hitman's wife. Nice job. Did you enjoy writing the gruesome bits? They were especially well done. DBL
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Bob -- what a great story. Many of your descriptions were quite poetic but not to the detriment of the story progression. Excellent characterizations and well paced dialog. Obviously one should never hump the hitman's wife. Nice job. Did you enjoy writing the gruesome bits? They were especially well done. DBL
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi, DBL, Yes, I enjoyed that writing. It is the genre I read as a rule...about 85-100 books a year...I go nowhere without na book...LOL...Bob