O' Holy Night, Beyond that Door
a check on reality35 total reviews
Comment from joemass
G'day jlsavell
This is a powerful and thought provoking poem which should cause all of us to stop and think. Despite all our claims of advancing civilisation our world is still a brutal place.
There are a few bits in you poem that I think you might consider revisiting simply to improve it still further. Just a couple of examples: in v2l4 I think 'yet,still' might add smore punch to the thought.
In v4 l1 'muster' might be a better word than 'garner'.
There are a few other spots but I'm sure you'll find them on re=-reading.
Good job!
Joemass
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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G'day jlsavell
This is a powerful and thought provoking poem which should cause all of us to stop and think. Despite all our claims of advancing civilisation our world is still a brutal place.
There are a few bits in you poem that I think you might consider revisiting simply to improve it still further. Just a couple of examples: in v2l4 I think 'yet,still' might add smore punch to the thought.
In v4 l1 'muster' might be a better word than 'garner'.
There are a few other spots but I'm sure you'll find them on re=-reading.
Good job!
Joemass
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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joemass, and right you are. I took your suggestions to heart..thank you so very much and thank you for stopping by to read and review my work. jlsavell
Comment from amada
I had to read it a couple of times to fully understand it, or allow its impact to filter into my mind. Heart-breaking and truthful; that's the difficult part.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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I had to read it a couple of times to fully understand it, or allow its impact to filter into my mind. Heart-breaking and truthful; that's the difficult part.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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amada, thank you so very much. I am so glad you stoped by. Your review and kind words mean a lot to me..again thank you..jlsavell
Comment from Gert sherwood
Good Evening jlsavell,
what an impressing pathos poem, the thing is we know this is going on when Christmas comes.
Your well composed poem makes you really think about our men and women at war at the present time.
I wish you well in the contest.
Gert
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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Good Evening jlsavell,
what an impressing pathos poem, the thing is we know this is going on when Christmas comes.
Your well composed poem makes you really think about our men and women at war at the present time.
I wish you well in the contest.
Gert
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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Gert Sherwood, thank you my friend for stopping by. I am thrilled you appreciated my poem..jlsavell
Comment from Charlene0513
To jlsavell,
a very heart-breaking and somber momemt when the men of war are gathered together to remember Christ's birth and the reason that we all live regardless of the battle cry yet the temptess billows remain.
Charlene
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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To jlsavell,
a very heart-breaking and somber momemt when the men of war are gathered together to remember Christ's birth and the reason that we all live regardless of the battle cry yet the temptess billows remain.
Charlene
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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b1merm96, thank you so very much for stopping by to read and review my work.
Comment from CT Brandon
really enjoyed this piece. O Holy Night is my favorite Christmas song, and using the grim reality of war as a contrast to it was very nicely done. Thanks for sharing this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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really enjoyed this piece. O Holy Night is my favorite Christmas song, and using the grim reality of war as a contrast to it was very nicely done. Thanks for sharing this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2009
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2009
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CT Brandon, thank you so very much for such a through and indishgtful review. I am glad you enjoyed.I do not beleive we have met before. again thank you.....jlsavell
