Viewing the World With Fresh Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "First Day of School"The fifteen Years of My Life
38 total reviews
Comment from marcii
It's hard enough for the young children starting school and even harder when they don't know anyone their.
A lovely sweet story.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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It's hard enough for the young children starting school and even harder when they don't know anyone their.
A lovely sweet story.
Good luck in the contest.
Marcii
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you Marcii. I really appreciate your review and comments.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good storyline, about how things are larger than life in a child's eyes and the way their mind thinks. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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this is very well written with good form, good flow, a good storyline, about how things are larger than life in a child's eyes and the way their mind thinks. i wish you the best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and the lovely comments.
Comment from write4u808
Great little story......your first person presentation was very enjoyable as we can all relate to that huge lump in our throats and the worms in the stomach :) Wanting to go back was the perfect ending. Good read, good colors in word choices. Nice.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Great little story......your first person presentation was very enjoyable as we can all relate to that huge lump in our throats and the worms in the stomach :) Wanting to go back was the perfect ending. Good read, good colors in word choices. Nice.
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and the lovely comments.
Comment from adewpearl
What a cute story from the point of view of a little boy going to his first day of first grade. You capture the child's way of looking at the world well. Sounds like your grandson is a cutie :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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What a cute story from the point of view of a little boy going to his first day of first grade. You capture the child's way of looking at the world well. Sounds like your grandson is a cutie :-) Brooke
Comment Written 14-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2010
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Thank you Brooke. I appreciate the review and I'm glad you round the story to sound as though a child would look at the world.
Comment from Jnetgame
Great job on this story told from the point of view of a young boy. I didn't spot any SPAG and it seemed realistic to me. Good luck.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Great job on this story told from the point of view of a young boy. I didn't spot any SPAG and it seemed realistic to me. Good luck.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Thanks so much for the great review and the good wishes.
Comment from Belinda
This is a cute story. Loneliness in a new school is common, but having a crush on the first day? Maybe it is typically your grandson ... :) So endearing.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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This is a cute story. Loneliness in a new school is common, but having a crush on the first day? Maybe it is typically your grandson ... :) So endearing.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Thank you for the review and nice comments. His parents may have a little problem with this kid as he gets older.
Comment from L057it
This was actually a very good depiction of a child's first day of school. You captured the essence of childhood and focused on some of the things children would. However, I feel as though there could be more details- more little things that a child would notice on their first day of school. Perhaps they liked a poster on the wall, or the way the teacher told a story during reading time. I have a younger brother about the age you made your character, and it seems that small children like him are always spewing out little details that adults fail to see, like the way a butterfly's colors seem to change when they fly. Those simple little details would made this more realistic and make it feel so mch more like a child is telling the tale.
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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This was actually a very good depiction of a child's first day of school. You captured the essence of childhood and focused on some of the things children would. However, I feel as though there could be more details- more little things that a child would notice on their first day of school. Perhaps they liked a poster on the wall, or the way the teacher told a story during reading time. I have a younger brother about the age you made your character, and it seems that small children like him are always spewing out little details that adults fail to see, like the way a butterfly's colors seem to change when they fly. Those simple little details would made this more realistic and make it feel so mch more like a child is telling the tale.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Thanks for the review and comments and suggestions. That is about all the details I got from my grandson but I could have embellished. With the word limit of 500 however, I couldn't have gone too far with it.
Comment from NJTink
Awe this was a cute story about the first day of school. I am glad you shared it and the photo just enhanced it beautifully. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Awe this was a cute story about the first day of school. I am glad you shared it and the photo just enhanced it beautifully. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2010
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Thank you so much for your review and comments. I appreciate the good wishes.
