Finger Nails
Gotta get clean, get all the mean...beneath54 total reviews
Comment from ulster3
Hello Herb...
You write a horrific tale here. O.C.D. accompanies hatred in your write...and hatred is very scary. Yep, leads to killings. The hand scrubbing is more extreme than that of Lady MacBeth.
Have a pleasant weekend.
Rebecca
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Hello Herb...
You write a horrific tale here. O.C.D. accompanies hatred in your write...and hatred is very scary. Yep, leads to killings. The hand scrubbing is more extreme than that of Lady MacBeth.
Have a pleasant weekend.
Rebecca
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks. Your the third person to mention Macbeth. It's one of Willys i'm not familiar with, shall have to have a look.
Comment from God's Writer
A very well penned story. Your flow is great. Your use of feelings has kept me on the edge of my seat. The mind pictures even though not my favorites were wonderful in this story. You kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the whole read. I felt the hair raise on the back of my neck a few times. I will recommend this story.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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A very well penned story. Your flow is great. Your use of feelings has kept me on the edge of my seat. The mind pictures even though not my favorites were wonderful in this story. You kept me on the edge of my seat throughout the whole read. I felt the hair raise on the back of my neck a few times. I will recommend this story.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks for your kind review and generous stars.
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You are welcome.Thank you for sharing it with me.
Comment from JW
Your story is well written and easily holds the reader's interest from being to end. And may I also state, it was sick enough to qualify to join the Stephen King collection.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Your story is well written and easily holds the reader's interest from being to end. And may I also state, it was sick enough to qualify to join the Stephen King collection.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks. Praise indeed.
Comment from pickthorn
A horror story from beginning to end. I would have prefered more horror inflicted on the unfaithful wife than on the fingers of the husband who was going insane. A well told horror story. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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A horror story from beginning to end. I would have prefered more horror inflicted on the unfaithful wife than on the fingers of the husband who was going insane. A well told horror story. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks. First review thats in the Husband's corner.
Comment from Des Beirne
Jeez that was horrible!
I hope you realise what a huge compliment that is.
I could feel my toes curling up as I read this great piece of horror writing.
I cannot say I enjoyed it one bit.
Great write
Des
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Jeez that was horrible!
I hope you realise what a huge compliment that is.
I could feel my toes curling up as I read this great piece of horror writing.
I cannot say I enjoyed it one bit.
Great write
Des
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks. Perfect response.
Comment from minopavlic
A promise of suspense in found in this captivating story which grips the reader from the opening statements. All the elements of a powerful horror story are knit together here.
Good start.
No_obstacle
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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A promise of suspense in found in this captivating story which grips the reader from the opening statements. All the elements of a powerful horror story are knit together here.
Good start.
No_obstacle
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks. Start?
Comment from livingwords
Pretty good. Nice approach using the diary as a flashback. A bit predictable..perhaps fewer days would have sufficed. Creepy though.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Pretty good. Nice approach using the diary as a flashback. A bit predictable..perhaps fewer days would have sufficed. Creepy though.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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thanks.
Comment from Bridge
A great piece of work. I am not sure how to express it....but I like how effortlessly you move between two time frames....and how much more it adds to the story. I generally am not into horror stories but I like the way you've put this piece together
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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A great piece of work. I am not sure how to express it....but I like how effortlessly you move between two time frames....and how much more it adds to the story. I generally am not into horror stories but I like the way you've put this piece together
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks Bridge, glad you liked it.
Comment from Piggies Grandma
Very dark and twisted. It was well written with a lot of feeling. Yuk! it sounded too real. I guess that was the effect you were looking for and you got it.
Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Very dark and twisted. It was well written with a lot of feeling. Yuk! it sounded too real. I guess that was the effect you were looking for and you got it.
Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Indeed. Thanks for reading.
Comment from JeffreyStone
Here's my take. I like the concept and the frantic pace of the story that shows your protagonist going mad. I thought the ending was very predictable, detracting from the high tension you wished to create. Reminds me of Lady MacBeth: "Out, out, dark stain". The "wahs and scrub"got a
little monotonous. There were lots of technical problems with your writing. But I enjoyed the read. Following are a few notations I made--there were lots more. I hope these are helpful.
Wash and scrub, wash and scrub," an hour had passed and still the scrubbing brush scoured at the skin beneath his nails. (I WOULD WRITE AS FOLLOWS: Wash and scrub, wash and scrub. An hourpassed etc.)
Wash and scrub, wash and scrub," the scrubbing brush moved back and forth, the soap turning a bloody pink.(Same comment. Period after "scrub". Capitalize "The".)
"Wash and scrub, wash and scrub, with lye and bleach," he continued chanting as he worked, the brush moving faster and fas (Similarly as above)
It just wasn't good enough, not clean enough -(Where you are showing thought process in italics, I would rewrite as follows (still in italics) : Just isn't good enough, not clean enough. THIS SHOULD END IN A PERIOD OR EXCLAMATION MARK, NOT LONG DASH.
back to me. As soon as (Eliminate eriod. lower case for "as".)
There is going to have to be "There ARE going to have to be"
Hippie's Whore (Don't think you should capitalize.)
These are typical. I read for content only from this point onward.
I trust these will be helpful.
JeffreyStone
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Here's my take. I like the concept and the frantic pace of the story that shows your protagonist going mad. I thought the ending was very predictable, detracting from the high tension you wished to create. Reminds me of Lady MacBeth: "Out, out, dark stain". The "wahs and scrub"got a
little monotonous. There were lots of technical problems with your writing. But I enjoyed the read. Following are a few notations I made--there were lots more. I hope these are helpful.
Wash and scrub, wash and scrub," an hour had passed and still the scrubbing brush scoured at the skin beneath his nails. (I WOULD WRITE AS FOLLOWS: Wash and scrub, wash and scrub. An hourpassed etc.)
Wash and scrub, wash and scrub," the scrubbing brush moved back and forth, the soap turning a bloody pink.(Same comment. Period after "scrub". Capitalize "The".)
"Wash and scrub, wash and scrub, with lye and bleach," he continued chanting as he worked, the brush moving faster and fas (Similarly as above)
It just wasn't good enough, not clean enough -(Where you are showing thought process in italics, I would rewrite as follows (still in italics) : Just isn't good enough, not clean enough. THIS SHOULD END IN A PERIOD OR EXCLAMATION MARK, NOT LONG DASH.
back to me. As soon as (Eliminate eriod. lower case for "as".)
There is going to have to be "There ARE going to have to be"
Hippie's Whore (Don't think you should capitalize.)
These are typical. I read for content only from this point onward.
I trust these will be helpful.
JeffreyStone
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Wow your a hard one to please. I feel your stuck on the tech errors a bit too much. That will come in time. This is not an English class but a writing web site. I feel like the teacher with the elbow pads has told me off. Creative writing doesn't necessarily have to follow strict guide lines. I just use what i think will get the reader to feel how i want them to feel. And all the sixers i have got seems to point that i got this one right. Maybe the old stifler's out there will disagree. Oh well you can't please everyone. Thanks for the starchy comments anyway.
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I know it is disappointing to receive constructive criticism of your "baby". It always hurts just a little. My bitch about reviewers is that one will tell you how great the story was, but then downgrade their evaluation or will totally ignore the technical issues. I try to be very honest. I make lots of errors in my writing, and thus do not look for errors in the wirting of others. But, if they jump off the page at me, I do not ignore them. (By the way, I am legally blind, and listen to stories rather than read them. Perhaps that explins my ear for errors in grammar etc.)
You have real writing talent. If you are going to hone it, you must use good grammar and good writing techniques. I am only trying to assist you with my limited knowledge.
If you are writing simply for praise, you may or may not get that from me. If you wish, I will not review or comment on your work again. However, I do enjoy it and wish you the best. Jeffrey
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By all means review away. Review's are subjective and can't be wrong. My Grammar is improving, and will get better in time, just thought you knocked me down a bit too much, based mostly on grammatical error.
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A thought occurred to me that might interest you. Can diary entries be subjected to SPAG as it's not a narrative voice but a characters? And who's to say how good his English is? I say no and must of been aware of this at some level (I jest) , interesting though, Yes?
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I agree. Coloquial speech and thoughts certainly do not have to ckonform. However, your protagonist is not uneducated; nuts, perhaps, but not uneducated. Wouldn't you agree?
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Indeed. Nuttier than squirrel poo. Thanks for getting back.
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Can an uneducated author write an educated character? There's a philosophical whimsy for you.
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This is too much fun, Herb. I am beginning to see just how insightful and thoughtful you are. I would say that an uneducated author is limited by his writing skills and experiences, whether acquired formally or through the hard knocks of living. Added to that, and more important, are desire and dedication. However, I would venture that "an uneducated Man" can not create a character more educated than himself. More to the point, an uneducated man may writge about an educated man, but he cannot adequately portray his tthought processes in his writing. Does all this gibberish prove just how unedcuated I am? jeffrey
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Sorry for the belated reply, old boy. One has been playing bowls (Joking) thats just what I told the misses. I have been down the pub, lubricating the wheels and I know see things with absolute credulity. I admire your insightful response and think you old a good argument; one you could argue the merits of until the cows come home. I respectfully hold the contrary view. You see, I look at writing as an illusion, we as writers are the worlds only real illusionist (No hats and rabbits here). We conjurer worlds out of thin air in dark dusty rooms. So if an uneducated fellow, like myself (I know hard to believe) creates the illusion of an educated character. Then its just another small illusionary part of a bigger book of illusions. So unless you disbelieve the whole, you can't disbelieve a sum of said whole. Hope this gibberish meets your approval. Also I apologize for the 'starchy' remark, terribly uncouth of me.
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'real illusionist' - I believe thats what they call an oxymoron, not great in an argument.