The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Apprentice"Love Among the Thorns
43 total reviews
Comment from DRG24
WOW GREAT INTRO!!!!!!!!!!
Some said he had a gift. One touch of his hand, the sweet sound of his whisper, and fussy animals became calm, deathly ill ones got well, and women swore their loins moistened from the mere taste of his lips. One leaped to her death, rather than a life without him. This...is the story of Nathan Daniels, The Animal Doctor.
Just So You Know: On the listing, there is not title
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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WOW GREAT INTRO!!!!!!!!!!
Some said he had a gift. One touch of his hand, the sweet sound of his whisper, and fussy animals became calm, deathly ill ones got well, and women swore their loins moistened from the mere taste of his lips. One leaped to her death, rather than a life without him. This...is the story of Nathan Daniels, The Animal Doctor.
Just So You Know: On the listing, there is not title
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you.
Comment from Shirley B
Oh I love stories from this era. Plus I love westerns. I also know you are spot on about how Texas famalies feel about their horses. I love the character of Nate. Great story, Shirley
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Oh I love stories from this era. Plus I love westerns. I also know you are spot on about how Texas famalies feel about their horses. I love the character of Nate. Great story, Shirley
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you Shirley for loving Nate. I'm going to do my best to keep it interesting and make Nate a character that people will relate to.
Comment from mikenbel
I'm glad to see it back up. A few suggestions...P - paragraph; L - line
From the line of asterisks:
P8 Comma after "you"
P10 Comma after "age"
P12/L1 "hearty" instead of "hardy"
P15/L3 There is just one "coachmAn"...right?; a word other than "tipped" - maybe "tip-toed"?
P17/L2 Comma after "sweet"
P33/L2 Quotes after "Besides"
P45/L2 No apostrophe in goodbyes"
P53/L1 "swapped" instead of "swopped"
P54/L3 No "s" on mischief"
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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I'm glad to see it back up. A few suggestions...P - paragraph; L - line
From the line of asterisks:
P8 Comma after "you"
P10 Comma after "age"
P12/L1 "hearty" instead of "hardy"
P15/L3 There is just one "coachmAn"...right?; a word other than "tipped" - maybe "tip-toed"?
P17/L2 Comma after "sweet"
P33/L2 Quotes after "Besides"
P45/L2 No apostrophe in goodbyes"
P53/L1 "swapped" instead of "swopped"
P54/L3 No "s" on mischief"
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you sweetie, will make changes.
Comment from Writingfundimension
Nathan is a fascinating character. I can already see that he has great compassion for animals, but maybe not so much for people. I guess his actions towards his 'girlfriend' might be considered something he was forced into by her possessiveness. The dialogue and descriptions are top notch. Looking forward to reading more.
Warm regards, Bev
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Nathan is a fascinating character. I can already see that he has great compassion for animals, but maybe not so much for people. I guess his actions towards his 'girlfriend' might be considered something he was forced into by her possessiveness. The dialogue and descriptions are top notch. Looking forward to reading more.
Warm regards, Bev
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading my story. I want Nathan to be a good guy, but just messed up in his passion. I'm trying make him a little complicated.
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I think you're doing a great job with your goals for this character. You're very welcome, amahra. :0) Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
That's an interesting first chapter, amahra!
This Nate seems to be quite a fella! I'm cross with him for what he did to his sweet fianc©e. Also the "angel" seems to be a very forward young miss ... for her time!
Spags:
bailing hay ... did you mean baling?
left his mom ... suggest: left his mother (mom wouldn't have been a word used at that time)
apprentice position ... suggest: apprenticeship
rested his backsides ... suggest: his back
the corner of his mahogany desk ... suggest: the edge of his mahogany desk ... the corner could be painful!
"When I was ten," Nate said (need to change the position of the closing inverted comma)
a hearty dinner (not hardy)
sir, son, port (lower case)
little twin girls (not twin little girls)
he tipped back up to his room ... did you mean tripped back ... or tip-toed back?
Merald had kept his breakfast warm ... suggest: remove But
the light of morning (shining) above her head like a halo
"Hi, I'm Margaret" ... Hi may not work in a period piece .... suggest: good day to you, sir, I'm Margaret
Hi. Nathan Daniels ... suggest: Nathan Daniels at your service, madam ....
Great! well ... (for the same reason) suggest: How wonderful!
five a.m. the next morning .... a.m means morning ... drop one or the other
little tot's calling ... tot is used in relation to a child ... suggest: the animal's calling
goodbyes (not apostrophe)
champagne ... lower case (not Champaign)
such mischief (not mischiefs)
fantasized (about) saving .....
run away (no hyphen)
hanging flesh back on ... suggest: stitching flesh back ....
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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That's an interesting first chapter, amahra!
This Nate seems to be quite a fella! I'm cross with him for what he did to his sweet fianc©e. Also the "angel" seems to be a very forward young miss ... for her time!
Spags:
bailing hay ... did you mean baling?
left his mom ... suggest: left his mother (mom wouldn't have been a word used at that time)
apprentice position ... suggest: apprenticeship
rested his backsides ... suggest: his back
the corner of his mahogany desk ... suggest: the edge of his mahogany desk ... the corner could be painful!
"When I was ten," Nate said (need to change the position of the closing inverted comma)
a hearty dinner (not hardy)
sir, son, port (lower case)
little twin girls (not twin little girls)
he tipped back up to his room ... did you mean tripped back ... or tip-toed back?
Merald had kept his breakfast warm ... suggest: remove But
the light of morning (shining) above her head like a halo
"Hi, I'm Margaret" ... Hi may not work in a period piece .... suggest: good day to you, sir, I'm Margaret
Hi. Nathan Daniels ... suggest: Nathan Daniels at your service, madam ....
Great! well ... (for the same reason) suggest: How wonderful!
five a.m. the next morning .... a.m means morning ... drop one or the other
little tot's calling ... tot is used in relation to a child ... suggest: the animal's calling
goodbyes (not apostrophe)
champagne ... lower case (not Champaign)
such mischief (not mischiefs)
fantasized (about) saving .....
run away (no hyphen)
hanging flesh back on ... suggest: stitching flesh back ....
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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thank you so much for your watchful eyes. I've printed out your suggestions and will be revisiting my story to make necessary changes. Thank you again, my dear.
Comment from Norbanus
What a touching story of Old Fearsome Bill's demise. It took a lot of imagination to paint that picture.
BTW--the script font in the opening is too small for some of us to read.
Nicely told.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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What a touching story of Old Fearsome Bill's demise. It took a lot of imagination to paint that picture.
BTW--the script font in the opening is too small for some of us to read.
Nicely told.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Ok, I'll take care of the opening font. Glad you were touched by Fearsome Bill scene. And thank you for reading.
Comment from Jade Lawson
Thank you for the author's notes. This story it is very well written and easy to follow, I like the friendly reader language you used.
Good background, the reader will feel motivated to go on reading. Great artchoice.
Good descriptions, particularly in the first paragraph.
I enjoyed the dialogue between Nate and Koren.
I enjoyed overall.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you for the author's notes. This story it is very well written and easy to follow, I like the friendly reader language you used.
Good background, the reader will feel motivated to go on reading. Great artchoice.
Good descriptions, particularly in the first paragraph.
I enjoyed the dialogue between Nate and Koren.
I enjoyed overall.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story. Hope you will continue to follow.
Comment from robina1978
Nice about this animal doctor Nathan. He does well on his first two days and is made very welcome. I did not quite understand why he broke of his engagement.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Nice about this animal doctor Nathan. He does well on his first two days and is made very welcome. I did not quite understand why he broke of his engagement.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you for reading and for your reviews. The Narrator gave the reason for his break off with Naomi. I don't want to write it here because it will spoil it for other readers. Go back and read the letter he wrote to Naomi.
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welcome, no time today, sorry, Ine
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Well if this is just a sample I say,"bring it on."
A thoroughly enjoyable read with an even mix of romance, adventure and plain good writing.
Nicely written and formatted and an enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Well if this is just a sample I say,"bring it on."
A thoroughly enjoyable read with an even mix of romance, adventure and plain good writing.
Nicely written and formatted and an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you so much for stopping by and reading my story.
Comment from barkingdog
You've done a good job of introducing your main character, Nathan, and work with animals, as well as a possible love interest in the neighbor girl, Margaret, who asked him to the ball.
The death of the horse was sad, showing what he has to face as an animal doctor... also how much the horse meant to the family--like it was a family member.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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You've done a good job of introducing your main character, Nathan, and work with animals, as well as a possible love interest in the neighbor girl, Margaret, who asked him to the ball.
The death of the horse was sad, showing what he has to face as an animal doctor... also how much the horse meant to the family--like it was a family member.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading.
