Comment from jpduck

Excellent

You certainly met all the requirements of the contest rules -- no mean achievement in a hundred words. If you possibly can remove the phrase 'Just then' and make the necessary additions somewhere, to restore the hundred words, I would strongly recommend you do this. 'Just then' is one of those 'nothing phrases' which have no purpose.


Adrian

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Hi Adrian, Thank you very much for this great review. I have made a change and hope it does read better now. Learning all the time. All the best.

reply by jpduck on 18-May-2016

Much better -- a great improvement, in my opinion.

Adrian

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Not bad, not bad at all. I love horror so you had my full attention from the start

This is an awesome flash fiction. You said a lot in 100 words. I have written flash fiction and I know it's not easy. You did great.

I don't know who you are but I bet you are from England. LOL

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Hola Gitana, thank you so much for this great review. I'm thrilled that you liked it. No, I am not from England. Thanks so much again.

Comment from Word Junkie

Excellent

Hello Author,

I didn't count the words, but the story certainly contains a main character, setting, conflict, and resolution.

It's a gory resolution, eech, but well-told.

Good job writing this, and good luck in the contest!
Lana

 Comment Written 18-May-2016

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reply by the author on 20-May-2016

Hi Lana, thank you so much. I'm pleased that you liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

She opened her eyes, bathed in a cold sweat, the adrenaline coursing through her body. She was in the aftermath of a vicious nightmare. ... An honest to God, dyed-in the wool, published author of horror novels and stories once told me, "Boy-Oh (he calls me "Boy-Oh"), start your story in the middle--in the heat of the moment, the heart of the action--and let us see that moment through the terror filled eyes of your primary characters. That's precisely what you've done here in the electrifying opening of your 100 word horror. I mean, let's face it. You've only got one-hundred words to hook your readers, draw them into the story, and make them pee themselves (hopefully).

I feel you've done a splendid job here.
I can tell you this much. When it comes time to cast votes for this contest, you'll certainly be getting mine.

 Comment Written 17-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Hi Dean, what can I say. I couldn't ask for higher praise from the Horror Master himself! Thank you so much. You have really made my day and although I'm not allowed I humbly thank you for your vote. All the best.

reply by Dean Kuch on 18-May-2016

It was entirely my pleasure. I should be the one thanking YOU for writing it.
Best of luck! ;)

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

100-word stories are very difficult.
this one, I feel is long on atmosphere,
short on story. Conflict usually requires two
characters. Your second character may or may not exist.
Just one man's opinion.

Peace, Lee



Her breathing somewhat calmer. --is this a sentence?

 Comment Written 17-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Thanks a lot for the review. The answer to your question. It's a fraction and should be avoided. But at time you do use them.

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Excellent scary writing, but is it a complete story? The lady was killed,
clearly and chillingly enough,but is it enough? I am not judge, so I'll rate what I read. Excellent.

 Comment Written 17-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Thanks a lot, and for reading.

Comment from RodG

Excellent

You set the scene very well of a woman awaking from a nightmare.
Good selection of details as you build the suspense to the violent climax.
Although the ending is not novel for this kind of story, you kept my interest.

 Comment Written 17-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Thanks a lot for a great review.

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

Good job with this short story. I found one thing for your consideration.

Just then, did she hear the scraping on her front door.' This needs a question mark.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 17-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Thanks a lot for the great review. I've made some changes to the story overall.

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

Great ending to a good short story. You bring up vivid images in this and let us all relate to our own fears to determine what got her. Good job on this

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Thank you for a great review. All best.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

A good entry for the 100 word competition. Nailed the word count and delivered a complete tale which isn't easy.

the adrenaline cursing through her body - coursing?

She roamed for the mobile - I think searched or hunted may be a better fit here rather than roamed.

Where was that bloody phone!
- this feels more like a question, unless it is thought then the exclamation would be more suited.

All the best and good luck
GMG

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-May-2016

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reply by the author on 18-May-2016

Thanks a lot for this great review. Much appreciated.