Piece by Piece
Things are seldom as they seem.48 total reviews
Comment from dweigt
This is well written, certainly contains vivid and horrific images, and holds our interest.
I'm only giving you four stars, because I feel the story needs work. I got to the end in a state of confusion, unsure of exactly what happened to the narrator. It seems the bulk of the story was a drug-induced hallucination. But why he would dream of doing to Natalie what she apparently had done to him is not clear. And in the final scene, where is he? Still at the party? At his apartment? Natalie's apartment? Would Natalie attack him at the party? If they aren't at the party, why is the boss there? Who called the police? And is he dead, but still aware, or conscious but missing all his limbs and tongue? In either case, the boss would be in a panic, horrified, and wouldn't be protesting that Natalie was a good person.
A couple of minor issues:
from the top shelve -- shelf
In a panic, I try to scream, but can't make a sound. -- Even without his tongue, he could make a sound, just nothing intelligible.
"What's the matter... 'Cat got your tongue?'" -- I don't think you need the inner quotes. We all know that is an old expression.
This is a good start, but needs more revision to make it great. Keep writing!
Revising my rating after reading the author's reply.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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This is well written, certainly contains vivid and horrific images, and holds our interest.
I'm only giving you four stars, because I feel the story needs work. I got to the end in a state of confusion, unsure of exactly what happened to the narrator. It seems the bulk of the story was a drug-induced hallucination. But why he would dream of doing to Natalie what she apparently had done to him is not clear. And in the final scene, where is he? Still at the party? At his apartment? Natalie's apartment? Would Natalie attack him at the party? If they aren't at the party, why is the boss there? Who called the police? And is he dead, but still aware, or conscious but missing all his limbs and tongue? In either case, the boss would be in a panic, horrified, and wouldn't be protesting that Natalie was a good person.
A couple of minor issues:
from the top shelve -- shelf
In a panic, I try to scream, but can't make a sound. -- Even without his tongue, he could make a sound, just nothing intelligible.
"What's the matter... 'Cat got your tongue?'" -- I don't think you need the inner quotes. We all know that is an old expression.
This is a good start, but needs more revision to make it great. Keep writing!
Revising my rating after reading the author's reply.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Well, I will try to answer your all your questions as best I can, as you are the first person who hasn't understood it completely. I'll start from the bottom of your list and go backwards. I do need the inner quotes because, "Cat got your tongue" is an old saying that is used regularly, not my words.---Actually, it depends on how far back his tongue is removed as to what sound he might be able to make, and it usually takes time to learn.---Yes, there is a shelf over the clothing bar or rack in most closets.---So, that should explain those, as you say, issues.---The boss is in shock, not believing that Natalie could have ever done such a thing, which explains his actions perfectly.---The main character is not dead, he is very much alive.---Natalie drugged him with Ketamine, usually called "The Black Hole" for it abilities to cause its victims to disassociate themselves from what is really happening around them.---In the end, he is in the hospital, I mean, where else would he be and still be alive?---He wasn't dreaming, and was very much alive throughout the whole story, just hallucinating and seeing the body parts and blood as Natalie's and not his own. If you see and take each sentence step by step, it's all pretty self explanatory. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy or understand the story. But since you are the only four-star review I've been given, I'll just consider it a misunderstanding. Although, these types of reviews will erase one of my sixes, which is unfortunate. I hope you can understand the story better now, so that you can see that it's written spot on. Thanks for reviewing.
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I bumped it to 5 stars. Good luck in the contest.
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Wow! I'm kind of overwhelmed with your kindness. I never expected that. It speaks volumes for you and your character, my new friend, which I hope you don't mind me calling you? And I seriously hope I was able to explain things a little better for you. I do have a tendency to like making a reader think rather than just offering up every detail, which I can understand getting confusing at times. I look forward to seeing you around and reading your work. It's always nice to meet good people!
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I've been told I'm too stingy with stars at times, and this was one of them. Do take a look at the shelve/shelf though.
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To "shelve" is to place books or whatever on a "shelf." But I do appreciated the thought and your intentions to be helpful. The stars can be a problem some times. When I first came here, I would often give three's and four's, and a person really had to be outstanding to get a five or six. But it didn't take me long to realize that for every four I gave someone, a six was taken away. Now, whether they deserved the six or not wasn't of my concern, or shouldn't have been. Anyway, without rambling for hours, even the best writers make mistake that they read right through as they proof their own work. So now, I give everyone I read at least a five, and the ones that I can't justify a five, I just don't review their work. I do take my time to offer suggestions and a list of things that need to be fixed on those that are really threes and fours. No one gets their feelings hurt. No one gets discouraged or embarrassed. And, most, appreciate the fact that I care and want to offer encouragement to bolster their confidence. I mean, what do the stars really matter? We are all here to get better. Keep up the good work! :-)
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello my friend
Hahaha.... funny in a dark humor sort of way. How horrible! Poor man. You did a great job with Dean's contest. Well done, Ric.
Gypsy
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Hello my friend
Hahaha.... funny in a dark humor sort of way. How horrible! Poor man. You did a great job with Dean's contest. Well done, Ric.
Gypsy
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Gypsy, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. I'm in way over my head with the likes of you and all the other outstanding writers in this contest, but it's just an honor that Dean asked me to submit something, and I wasn't about to not join in. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Good Luck to you and everyone else taking part. :-)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
All of the big guns have come out for this contest. I have read some really good entries, including yours. I enjoyed reading this story and was surprised at the twist at the end. I am worried about his little dog, though. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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All of the big guns have come out for this contest. I have read some really good entries, including yours. I enjoyed reading this story and was surprised at the twist at the end. I am worried about his little dog, though. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Barbara, for taking time to read my humor... uh, I mean, horror story. Yes, ma'am, I'm in way over my head in a contest with this group of talented writers, I'm just honored that Dean asked, and I wasn't about to not join in. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, :)
I enjoyed this. I love your narrator!
I like these sentences; just a few suggestions: In the yard, I put her down (maybe a comma) and she runs off barking (maybe a semi-colon or a new sentence), up and under the big shrubs lining the front of the house. Grump still growling, I snatch her up (comma) and sprint for the house.
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Hello, :)
I enjoyed this. I love your narrator!
I like these sentences; just a few suggestions: In the yard, I put her down (maybe a comma) and she runs off barking (maybe a semi-colon or a new sentence), up and under the big shrubs lining the front of the house. Grump still growling, I snatch her up (comma) and sprint for the house.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Rasmine, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I must say I am really enjoying all these horror stories, you're all a warped lot!!! LOL. This is particularly gruesome, his own dreams are a nightmare, but his daydreams turn out to be a real nightmare! What an awful way to go! But did he go? Or is he alive minus all his limbs? Not nice! Superb contest entry, Ric, you have such a sweet way with words!! :) Good luck in the contest, my friend. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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I must say I am really enjoying all these horror stories, you're all a warped lot!!! LOL. This is particularly gruesome, his own dreams are a nightmare, but his daydreams turn out to be a real nightmare! What an awful way to go! But did he go? Or is he alive minus all his limbs? Not nice! Superb contest entry, Ric, you have such a sweet way with words!! :) Good luck in the contest, my friend. Sandra xx
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Sandra, my dear, for taking time to read my humor, horror story. I think that I added the touches of humor for my own stomach, not just the readers. The character is very much alive, but not so well. No limbs or tongue. The Ketamine caused him to view everything happening to him in a dissociated way, which it truly does in real life. It wasn't a dream at all, just a very distorted view of who was being mutilated. That's why they call it "The black hole." I'm definitely in over my head with this outstanding group of writers, but I'm honored that Dean even asked me to participate and couldn't possibly have not joined in.
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You rose to the challenge superbly, Ric. Fancy being left limbless and tongueless! What a nice half-hour horror film that would make. Tales of the Unexpected, I think they were called, this would definitely be perfect for that. Or, Alfred Hitchcock's Half Hour! I know he's dead, but it could be revived in another name! Fascinating and there's so much scope!! xx
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Actually, Alfred and I talked about it the night before I posted it. LOL! Thank you, sweet lady!
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I love your sense of humour! LOL. I hope he's keeping well ... wherever he is!
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I'm just a nut, looking for the tree I fell out of. :-)
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
"Officer, you must be mistaken. Natalie is a wonderful person, one of the kindest and nicest I've ever known."
"Well, Sir, you had better rethink your feelings for Ms. Natalie, as in her garage we found two freezers full of body parts. Your friend here, his parts weren't even all the way frozen.' This was so well crafted and spooky! Oh I loved it! Well done and good luck kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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"Officer, you must be mistaken. Natalie is a wonderful person, one of the kindest and nicest I've ever known."
"Well, Sir, you had better rethink your feelings for Ms. Natalie, as in her garage we found two freezers full of body parts. Your friend here, his parts weren't even all the way frozen.' This was so well crafted and spooky! Oh I loved it! Well done and good luck kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Meia, for taking time to read my humor, horror story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I'm just honored to even be participating with the outstanding group of writers who have come together for Dean's contest. :-)
Comment from JDRBAR
This was a bit too gory for my stomach to handle. However, it was extremely well written as a horror story, and gruesome it was. Without a doubt it evokes vivid imagery.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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This was a bit too gory for my stomach to handle. However, it was extremely well written as a horror story, and gruesome it was. Without a doubt it evokes vivid imagery.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Yes, it is, actually, too upsetting for even my own taste. I kept inserting patches of humor throughout trying to take the edges off a little, yet hoping not to completely dull the horror effects. Then, for the ending I tried to drive the dagger home, so to speak. Thank you so much for taking time to read my story, especially, since it bothered your stomach. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from c_lucas
A very good entry to this horror contest. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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A very good entry to this horror contest. Your post is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, Charlie, for taking time to read my humor, horror story. I don't know if I kept adding touches of humor to save my own stomach or looking out of readers. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from giraffmang
Nice piece, Ric, good to see you writing more again. Nice pacing and tone. Good use of the introduction and epilogue.
So break out your hoes, hammers, hatchets, and sickles. - I have no idea why but I love this line... lol
It's just to set the mood; and besides - no need for the semi-colon as you're using conjunctives.
Whatever prompted me to speak so offensively with such a vile word to address an always-polite woman is beyond me? - this isn't a question really. The addition of 'is beyond me' makes it more of a statement.
Category: Horror and Thriller Fiction
Posted: June 13, 2017 Views: 22
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Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
Things are seldom as they seem.
"Piece by Piece" by Ric Myworld
Hello... freaked-out Felix Ficklefarmer here. And welcome, to another Friday night scarecrow scream fest. Taking all you newbies back to days of the corn. Rockin', boppin', and choppin' 'um in the fields. So break out your hoes, hammers, hatchets, and sickles. As the wind blows, that cold ain't the weather. Oh, yes, and never mind that creepy organ music. It's just to set the mood; and besides, we can't find where it's coming from. Wondering through the gardens of time, keep your eyes open and watch every step. You never know what awaits you.
Let us help you enjoy every movie morsel of tonight's attraction, piece by piece.
I woke up this morning thinking I've never been so drunk in my life, at least, not that I can remember.
Every word out of my mouth keeps replaying in my head. I will never be able to face any of those people, ever again.
"Hello, Mrs. Thompson, you sure have nice tits." Whatever prompted me to speak so offensively with such a vile word to address an always-polite woman is beyond me? Is that any way to speak to your boss's wife?
I don't use those slang references in normal conversation, so why last night, and to her. - but this one is...
exposed stringy blood vessels, muscle, tendons. - I would rearrange this a little to avoid stringy blood vessels. Maybe put tendons first?
Yes, Sir, She gives her victims large - she.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Nice piece, Ric, good to see you writing more again. Nice pacing and tone. Good use of the introduction and epilogue.
So break out your hoes, hammers, hatchets, and sickles. - I have no idea why but I love this line... lol
It's just to set the mood; and besides - no need for the semi-colon as you're using conjunctives.
Whatever prompted me to speak so offensively with such a vile word to address an always-polite woman is beyond me? - this isn't a question really. The addition of 'is beyond me' makes it more of a statement.
Category: Horror and Thriller Fiction
Posted: June 13, 2017 Views: 22
Print It
Save to Bookcase
View Reviews
Rate This
Make Reader Pick
Promote This
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
Things are seldom as they seem.
"Piece by Piece" by Ric Myworld
Hello... freaked-out Felix Ficklefarmer here. And welcome, to another Friday night scarecrow scream fest. Taking all you newbies back to days of the corn. Rockin', boppin', and choppin' 'um in the fields. So break out your hoes, hammers, hatchets, and sickles. As the wind blows, that cold ain't the weather. Oh, yes, and never mind that creepy organ music. It's just to set the mood; and besides, we can't find where it's coming from. Wondering through the gardens of time, keep your eyes open and watch every step. You never know what awaits you.
Let us help you enjoy every movie morsel of tonight's attraction, piece by piece.
I woke up this morning thinking I've never been so drunk in my life, at least, not that I can remember.
Every word out of my mouth keeps replaying in my head. I will never be able to face any of those people, ever again.
"Hello, Mrs. Thompson, you sure have nice tits." Whatever prompted me to speak so offensively with such a vile word to address an always-polite woman is beyond me? Is that any way to speak to your boss's wife?
I don't use those slang references in normal conversation, so why last night, and to her. - but this one is...
exposed stringy blood vessels, muscle, tendons. - I would rearrange this a little to avoid stringy blood vessels. Maybe put tendons first?
Yes, Sir, She gives her victims large - she.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2017
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Thank you so much, G, for taking time to read my humor, horror story, and always offering suggestions and needed corrections to help me make things better. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Ric
= This is an excellent entry in the contest.
= You write it well, I on the other hand would be lost trying to writer horror.
= As the say, 'A duck out of water. ' (*<*)
= Good luck in the contest.
Cheers ... Jax
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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Hi, Ric
= This is an excellent entry in the contest.
= You write it well, I on the other hand would be lost trying to writer horror.
= As the say, 'A duck out of water. ' (*<*)
= Good luck in the contest.
Cheers ... Jax
Comment Written 13-Jun-2017
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2017
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When I stood back and looked after writing this, I scared myself. I must be at least a little warped. I did try to add all the humor I could to lighten it up some, but without totally killing the horror effects. I know this isn't a favorite genre for you, which makes me all the more appreciative that you took time to read it. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
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You did a fine job. (*>*)
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Thank you so much for your kind words. :-)
