Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The promise given"A book of Poetry & Writing
88 total reviews
Comment from DrJane
Lovely poem which draws the read into the descriptions of the "duties" of each part of body which contributes to the whole of commitment. Notes: Line 6: should be "ellusive"; Line 12: comma after "legs" in order to be consistent with the previous pattern of the poem.
Blessings,
Jane
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Lovely poem which draws the read into the descriptions of the "duties" of each part of body which contributes to the whole of commitment. Notes: Line 6: should be "ellusive"; Line 12: comma after "legs" in order to be consistent with the previous pattern of the poem.
Blessings,
Jane
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thank uou for the review and comments Jane GW
Comment from Soulester
Hi, Deepwater, This may be my favorite of your poems I've read to date. Those vows,taken so sincerely are so precious, and also precarious to keep sometimes. "Faith and sacrifice". You did a gorgeous job on this. Mary
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Hi, Deepwater, This may be my favorite of your poems I've read to date. Those vows,taken so sincerely are so precious, and also precarious to keep sometimes. "Faith and sacrifice". You did a gorgeous job on this. Mary
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thank you Mary
Comment from laren
This is another great poem with a deep message within.
The symbols you used in this poem are real, eyes, hands, children, how we lost our soul... I'll hope my English would be better to express all what your poems bring to my mind and soul.
Congratulations!
Laren
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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This is another great poem with a deep message within.
The symbols you used in this poem are real, eyes, hands, children, how we lost our soul... I'll hope my English would be better to express all what your poems bring to my mind and soul.
Congratulations!
Laren
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thank you Laren and your English is great Gary
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Thank you for sharing Gary, I really enjoyed reading your poem.
Laren
Comment from patmedium
Reading this one putsme in mind of those long, long mqarriages where the pair stay together through thick and thin ... pity life's no longer like that, eh? Pat.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Reading this one putsme in mind of those long, long mqarriages where the pair stay together through thick and thin ... pity life's no longer like that, eh? Pat.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thanks Pat for your review
Comment from tazzaangel
another lovely poem that leaves me asking myself questions i love your work and look forward to reading more of your creative thoughts thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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another lovely poem that leaves me asking myself questions i love your work and look forward to reading more of your creative thoughts thanks for sharing
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thanks Tazz for reading
Comment from JeffreyStone
I like the theme, but don't find the poem reflective or inspirational as, I think, it was intended. I get lost in the words of this poem. Several lines of the poem are perplexing. Lots of punctuation problems, some of which I have pointed out. (My vision will not permit me to give you more comprehensive feedback.)
The heart(,)can be given (delete comma)
The mind(,) wins with strength of truth, (delete comma)
The temple, your body(add comma here)is given freely in love(delete ,) or taken in whim or revenge.
The hands, earthly importance helps (help)
JeffreyStone
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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I like the theme, but don't find the poem reflective or inspirational as, I think, it was intended. I get lost in the words of this poem. Several lines of the poem are perplexing. Lots of punctuation problems, some of which I have pointed out. (My vision will not permit me to give you more comprehensive feedback.)
The heart(,)can be given (delete comma)
The mind(,) wins with strength of truth, (delete comma)
The temple, your body(add comma here)is given freely in love(delete ,) or taken in whim or revenge.
The hands, earthly importance helps (help)
JeffreyStone
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thanks but no
Comment from E.P. Thomas
G,
By reading your poetry, I think I'm beginning to get a feel for how you structure you prose, and why. There is a staccatto cadence and rhythm that remains after having read the piece.
Did you mean 'allusive' or 'elusive'?
Great job. Liked it.
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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G,
By reading your poetry, I think I'm beginning to get a feel for how you structure you prose, and why. There is a staccatto cadence and rhythm that remains after having read the piece.
Did you mean 'allusive' or 'elusive'?
Great job. Liked it.
Comment Written 18-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Thank you for the Comment and review E P
Comment from fionageorge
This is an excellent and well written spiritual poem. So much has been said with so few sentences. How examplary to point out how we can use what we have. The metaphores, the comparisons, all fantastic and thought provoking.d
Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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This is an excellent and well written spiritual poem. So much has been said with so few sentences. How examplary to point out how we can use what we have. The metaphores, the comparisons, all fantastic and thought provoking.d
Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thank you Marijke for your welcome review and comments Gary
Comment from Georgina Lenty
This is a sweet read! I wish this writing was available when I got married 11 years ago - there are a lot of truths here everyone can take to heart, daily! Nice and simple format and flow, great imagery, great job!
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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This is a sweet read! I wish this writing was available when I got married 11 years ago - there are a lot of truths here everyone can take to heart, daily! Nice and simple format and flow, great imagery, great job!
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review Georgina
Comment from prophetess
Excellently written poem, the flow is good, the message is clear, no spag or grammar errors. Thank you for sharing your talent with us all here on fanstory.
Prophetess
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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Excellently written poem, the flow is good, the message is clear, no spag or grammar errors. Thank you for sharing your talent with us all here on fanstory.
Prophetess
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 18-Jun-2010
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thank you prophetess
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YouRe welcome
