Finger Nails
Gotta get clean, get all the mean...beneath54 total reviews
Comment from Cooper Watt
Holy crap, Herb. That was hardcore. Every time you switched to him destroying his hands, my sphincter puckered. I'm telling you, I was physically effected by this. Well done.
I picked up on three minor glitches:
1) cutlery draw <-- cutlery drawer...?
3) I Think am going to have to expand the office <-- I think I'm going....
4) Haven't taken me pills for months <-- suddenly the guy sounds like Popeye. I think you meant "my" pills.
That's that. Good job, my friend.
Sincerely,
Coop.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Holy crap, Herb. That was hardcore. Every time you switched to him destroying his hands, my sphincter puckered. I'm telling you, I was physically effected by this. Well done.
I picked up on three minor glitches:
1) cutlery draw <-- cutlery drawer...?
3) I Think am going to have to expand the office <-- I think I'm going....
4) Haven't taken me pills for months <-- suddenly the guy sounds like Popeye. I think you meant "my" pills.
That's that. Good job, my friend.
Sincerely,
Coop.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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thanks for reading. and the SPAG
Comment from Lise Deangelo
I enjoyed reading this story. Your style is skilled and absorbing. The diary format works well and makes reading of the story easier. It also accentuates his decline further and further into his psychosis. Although this story has a disturbing theme and plot, you really make it something special to read because you write it so well. Thanks so much for sharing. Best of luck for the contest :) Lise
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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I enjoyed reading this story. Your style is skilled and absorbing. The diary format works well and makes reading of the story easier. It also accentuates his decline further and further into his psychosis. Although this story has a disturbing theme and plot, you really make it something special to read because you write it so well. Thanks so much for sharing. Best of luck for the contest :) Lise
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thank you kindly.
Comment from gazzagodbod
wow what a powerful dark story wanted to stop reading it but it kept my attention to the very end not my normal taste but wow great writing thank you
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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wow what a powerful dark story wanted to stop reading it but it kept my attention to the very end not my normal taste but wow great writing thank you
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thanks mate. I appreciate it.
Comment from Sharkey
This was written very well...and here's the proof...I read th whole thing even though by the second paragraph I was grossed out. By splitting it up and using the diary entries, you told the complete story in a different but very smart way.
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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This was written very well...and here's the proof...I read th whole thing even though by the second paragraph I was grossed out. By splitting it up and using the diary entries, you told the complete story in a different but very smart way.
Comment Written 21-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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thank you very much.
Comment from Rasp E
Wo-ow. Disturbing. I was sitting on my hands for most of the story because I find the concept of tearing out fingernails to be a profoundly distressing one. So, ya did good, kid. ;-) Vivid, vivid imagery.
Umm. I was too busy flinching to look for SPAG. I couldn't tell you whether there was any or not, and I don't think I'll go back for a second round. I do like horror stories...but usually just the once suffices, since I do also like to sleep once in a while. Too bad his mother and father didn't recognize that he was off his meds. Ah well, that's a different story, yes?
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Wo-ow. Disturbing. I was sitting on my hands for most of the story because I find the concept of tearing out fingernails to be a profoundly distressing one. So, ya did good, kid. ;-) Vivid, vivid imagery.
Umm. I was too busy flinching to look for SPAG. I couldn't tell you whether there was any or not, and I don't think I'll go back for a second round. I do like horror stories...but usually just the once suffices, since I do also like to sleep once in a while. Too bad his mother and father didn't recognize that he was off his meds. Ah well, that's a different story, yes?
Comment Written 20-May-2011
reply by the author on 21-May-2011
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Thank you kindly for th generous stars. I think your reaction was the desired affect. Indeed that would be a different story. Thanks again.
Comment from c_lucas
You have the characteristics right. This is very well written and holds the reader's attention. Great job on the twisted mind. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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You have the characteristics right. This is very well written and holds the reader's attention. Great job on the twisted mind. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 20-May-2011
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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yup.. thanks
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You're welcome.
Comment from Larrypic11
I am really not sure how to rate this piece. I had to "turn away" a few times so I guess it hit its mark. I can't say I enjoyed it, but like any good train wreck I had to watch and listen all the way through. I guess that means you did your job very well. Larry
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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I am really not sure how to rate this piece. I had to "turn away" a few times so I guess it hit its mark. I can't say I enjoyed it, but like any good train wreck I had to watch and listen all the way through. I guess that means you did your job very well. Larry
Comment Written 20-May-2011
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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suppose so. thanks
Comment from adewpearl
What a compelling in media res opening with the constant scrubbing of those bloody hands. Lady MacBeth, move over. LOL
fucking hippy - hippie
a hippy's whore - hippie's
You get inside this jealous prick's thoughts most effectively
I like the back and forth between present time scrubbing and memories of the past few days that led up to the violence
Mum and Dad where as funny - were
even dad is getting some of his old wit back - Dad
Mum and Dad where deposited safely - were
behind the hippy's house - hippie's
How compelling as he gets more and more aggressive and violent in trying to rid his fingers of the blood
His descent into madness has me cringing, and excellent visuals
I would give this a six if I had one! Brooke
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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What a compelling in media res opening with the constant scrubbing of those bloody hands. Lady MacBeth, move over. LOL
fucking hippy - hippie
a hippy's whore - hippie's
You get inside this jealous prick's thoughts most effectively
I like the back and forth between present time scrubbing and memories of the past few days that led up to the violence
Mum and Dad where as funny - were
even dad is getting some of his old wit back - Dad
Mum and Dad where deposited safely - were
behind the hippy's house - hippie's
How compelling as he gets more and more aggressive and violent in trying to rid his fingers of the blood
His descent into madness has me cringing, and excellent visuals
I would give this a six if I had one! Brooke
Comment Written 20-May-2011
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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Even the thought of a six from you is good enough for me. thanks again for the SPAG (I think a night class in English is needed.)
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I happen to teach a night class in English right here on the site - the SPAG class is underway now, but I will offer it again in June - I wish way more folks would take it because we have many talented writers on this site whose storytelling is stronger than their technical writing. : -)
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June it is then. Cheers.
Comment from Deejharrington
I hope you are entering this to the Dark Club! Its a sure winner. The horrid descriptions of him cleaning and then finally chewing off his own fingers was incredibly gross and frightening. Those crazies are out there. I like the way you put in the journal entries, to show his more sane times and the progression to murder and then to madness. A terrific write!
deb
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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I hope you are entering this to the Dark Club! Its a sure winner. The horrid descriptions of him cleaning and then finally chewing off his own fingers was incredibly gross and frightening. Those crazies are out there. I like the way you put in the journal entries, to show his more sane times and the progression to murder and then to madness. A terrific write!
deb
Comment Written 19-May-2011
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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Thanks Deb. This is for the horror comp. Think dark club is just poems? Thanks again
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No, any kind of horror. Just go to Gungalo profile, as all the info
deb
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No, its for all kinds. Go to Gungalo profile and it explains it all.
deb
Comment from M Carmella
OK I squirmed. Worth a six. Was eating dinner as I read, damn you - ha-ha. Very cool and odd and interesting. I liked it. Don't have much to add. I liked the contrast with work and parents vs the "other interests".
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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OK I squirmed. Worth a six. Was eating dinner as I read, damn you - ha-ha. Very cool and odd and interesting. I liked it. Don't have much to add. I liked the contrast with work and parents vs the "other interests".
Comment Written 19-May-2011
reply by the author on 20-May-2011
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Thank you very much. Yes it was an odd twisted type of tale (i seem to be good at them) oh well, we all must have a niche. Thanks again for the great review and generous stars.