Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Juliet"A collection of poems on these themes
104 total reviews
Comment from judy.gordon
How did you learn to write poetry like Poe? I want to be able to write like this. Did you take a poetry writing class? I think your poem was amazing. The words at the end of each stanza tell the whole story. Poor Juliet. What a tragic turn of events. It almost makes me think of what happened at the end of 'Romeo and Juliet'.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
  |
How did you learn to write poetry like Poe? I want to be able to write like this. Did you take a poetry writing class? I think your poem was amazing. The words at the end of each stanza tell the whole story. Poor Juliet. What a tragic turn of events. It almost makes me think of what happened at the end of 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2014
-
Hi, Judy - welcome to FanStory.
No, never been much of a one for taking classes - I do have a facility with language and rhyme and meter which means I can imitate other poets quite well - in this piece I actually found the complex rhyming and repetition very challenging.
If you're interested, one of the mist recent pieces in my portfolio is another Poe-like piece and a contest-winner called 'Abandoned'. The rhyme is much simpler (ABAB) and the resemblance to Poe is more in the melancholy theme.
Thanks for the kind words and I look forward to reading some of your work.
Steve
-
I just posted my first chapter in a fantasy novel today. It is called Quest for the Sacred Stones. I hope you read it. I hope you like it.
-
I posted the first chapter of my novel today. It is a fantasy called, Quest for the Sacred Stones. I would really like your input.
-
I just considerably shorted my first chapter of my fantasy,Quest for the Sacred Stones. I would love your input on how I can make it better. Thank you for your time.
Comment from the blue pixel
There's nothing like a good tongue twister which is of course, really just a mind twister. You knew how much I would love this story and you are quite right. This little gem is just bursting with internal rhyme that literally tumble over each other, almost vying for my attention to stand out above the others. This poem really does rollick along Steve. Perhaps a corny and oft used word but rollicking is exactly what it did. This is a very different kind of love story with a brutally (funny) and heart wrenching twist, in fact a double twist. Shades of the original Romeo and Juliet. "silken net" is beautifully sinister but if I was to pick out everything I loved in your story, I would be here for ever.
So I now know who created this way of writing with the shortened lines at the end of each stanza. It wasn't me after all. lol Just brilliant Steve and thank you for directing me to it. Apparently it's a dangerous thing being the apple of your eye still, you have left the question dangling. Did you do it? Why are you using the old amnesia defense? Of course you did it but it was all in the name of true love. This and many other questions deserve a six year stint at the very least and in so saying, The Honourable Blue Pixel brings down her gavel. xx Carol
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
|
There's nothing like a good tongue twister which is of course, really just a mind twister. You knew how much I would love this story and you are quite right. This little gem is just bursting with internal rhyme that literally tumble over each other, almost vying for my attention to stand out above the others. This poem really does rollick along Steve. Perhaps a corny and oft used word but rollicking is exactly what it did. This is a very different kind of love story with a brutally (funny) and heart wrenching twist, in fact a double twist. Shades of the original Romeo and Juliet. "silken net" is beautifully sinister but if I was to pick out everything I loved in your story, I would be here for ever.
So I now know who created this way of writing with the shortened lines at the end of each stanza. It wasn't me after all. lol Just brilliant Steve and thank you for directing me to it. Apparently it's a dangerous thing being the apple of your eye still, you have left the question dangling. Did you do it? Why are you using the old amnesia defense? Of course you did it but it was all in the name of true love. This and many other questions deserve a six year stint at the very least and in so saying, The Honourable Blue Pixel brings down her gavel. xx Carol
Comment Written 19-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2014
-
Yes, crazy bastard, of course he did it. And deserves life at least.
The prompt was to write about that rather evocative picture. I adapted a piece I had started where I was experimenting with that rhyme/meter and this bizarre story is what unfolded.
From memory, Brooke won the contest with another tale of tragedy and mystery...
Steve
-
I'm sure Brooke's entry was fine Steve but this is where I am more than dubious about how contests usually choose their winners. I will leave it there discretion being the better part of valour. I cannot possibly imagine, without ever having read any other entry other than yours, that anything would have come even close to this masterpiece of yours. xx Carol
-
I'm sure Brooke's entry was fine Steve but this is where I am more than dubious about how contests usually choose their winners. I will leave it there discretion being the better part of valour. I cannot possibly imagine, without ever having read any other entry other than yours, that anything would have come even close to this masterpiece of yours. xx Carol
-
I don't mind being beaten by a good one and hers was, and you have to allow for the subjective nature of judging. A couple of the other near misses annoyed me more.
Of course, what I would really like to see is some open feedback from the judges in all site contests - perhaps just brief comments to say why the winner was considered the best and perhaps strengths and weaknesses of the place-getters.
I shouldn't complain - I've won my share.
-
I too would love to see that Steve. It all seems just way to mysterious to me. In contests judged by our peers, I don't understand how someone who is way behind suddenly comes up and beats second place by a large number of votes. I guess I've heard far too many people suggest to me that a little private e-mailing goes on between some people but I really hate to think that that is happening with all that it implies. If you win your fair share, that is because you are always in there pitching and you deserve to. xx Carol
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Steve
So two genius' reign? I said i would be back with a six. This is far too good to be under-rated. Seems we were on a similar mind-set. Believe it or not one of my reviewers likened my poem to Poe. So I stand in great company in this contest.
I turned on Richard Burton's voice, though I know a few have recited the great poem of all poems. I think Edgar would be slapping you on the back for this one and buying you a drinkie. WOW! ..... I came equal with THIS ... I'll have to duck back and read it again ... I wrote mine way back when the contest first began. A fabulous concept well suited to the image and perfectly executed, just not as perfectly as Brooke. lol I could give you the full review rave ... but I imagine you know already everything I might say. :))) Well done. Superb work. I started a poem in the vein of The Raven .... been set aside for ever-so-long. I might try and find it. Huge hugs and congratulations again. Lovinia xoxoxo
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
|
Hi Steve
So two genius' reign? I said i would be back with a six. This is far too good to be under-rated. Seems we were on a similar mind-set. Believe it or not one of my reviewers likened my poem to Poe. So I stand in great company in this contest.
I turned on Richard Burton's voice, though I know a few have recited the great poem of all poems. I think Edgar would be slapping you on the back for this one and buying you a drinkie. WOW! ..... I came equal with THIS ... I'll have to duck back and read it again ... I wrote mine way back when the contest first began. A fabulous concept well suited to the image and perfectly executed, just not as perfectly as Brooke. lol I could give you the full review rave ... but I imagine you know already everything I might say. :))) Well done. Superb work. I started a poem in the vein of The Raven .... been set aside for ever-so-long. I might try and find it. Huge hugs and congratulations again. Lovinia xoxoxo
Comment Written 18-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
-
Thanks again, Lovinia.
Steve
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is an amazing one, brilliantly written and I could feel the emotion all the way through, congratulations on coming 2nd. It is a well written contest entry. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2013
 |
This is an amazing one, brilliantly written and I could feel the emotion all the way through, congratulations on coming 2nd. It is a well written contest entry. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 12-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2013
-
Thanks, Sandra
Two silver medals in a row so I'm feeling sorry for myself and pinning all my hopes on the ABC contest.
Steve
-
Oh, well, mine came nowhere, so I'm hitting the ginger beer bottle!! I will look at your ABC contest entry. xsx Sandra
Comment from visionary1234
Well you were absolutely correct Steve - no wonder this one rocketed you to Fanstory #14 STARDOM my friend - you gave Poe a great run for his money here! Congratulations! and big hugs, too - both well deserved!
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
Well you were absolutely correct Steve - no wonder this one rocketed you to Fanstory #14 STARDOM my friend - you gave Poe a great run for his money here! Congratulations! and big hugs, too - both well deserved!
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 11-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thanks
.... but still only in bloody bridesmaid's position! :o(
Steve
-
yes - and yours was DEFINITELY bride-worthy - bit of a pisser, hmm?
-
Two seconds in a row - what will be a real pisser is if I hit the trifecta with the ABC....
Brooke's poem was very nice ;o)
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I wandered over here after a comment left on my profile page by Sally. My goodness, I'd say you've knocked this one out of the park.
Fantastic work. Where to start? It's just so darn clever. The morning after the night before - so well described with the mess and the craving for a cigarette. Then I'm left with a bit of a mystery as to whether or not he's guilty for Juliette's death or not. Sometimes, when I read a poem, I think "This would make a great story." That's what I thought when I read this.
It's desperate and dark and so well done. I think we'll all be looking at you up on that podium in a couple of days.
Bravo
Av
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
|
I wandered over here after a comment left on my profile page by Sally. My goodness, I'd say you've knocked this one out of the park.
Fantastic work. Where to start? It's just so darn clever. The morning after the night before - so well described with the mess and the craving for a cigarette. Then I'm left with a bit of a mystery as to whether or not he's guilty for Juliette's death or not. Sometimes, when I read a poem, I think "This would make a great story." That's what I thought when I read this.
It's desperate and dark and so well done. I think we'll all be looking at you up on that podium in a couple of days.
Bravo
Av
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
-
Av
Thanks so much for the thoughtful review and the galaxy of stars.
Several people have commented about the story aspect and I'm left wondering whether I should have saved this for 'Story in a Poem.'
Now I'm off to find what other lies my Cornish friend has been spreading about me....
Steve
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Such a marathon poem yet it reads with such ease.
This tragic tale unfolds just like a current event and the mystery still reels me in.
So clever and masterfully written yet every word is esily understood and readable with ease.
Definitely a mastery of words.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
Such a marathon poem yet it reads with such ease.
This tragic tale unfolds just like a current event and the mystery still reels me in.
So clever and masterfully written yet every word is esily understood and readable with ease.
Definitely a mastery of words.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thanks for the very kind review and the six stars.
Steve
-
Thanks for the very kind review and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from Jackarrie
A most enjoyable read, A story in a very well written poem. The story is compelling, and suitable for the prompt image.
Now my memory is taunting of that night so deeply haunting,
No explanation can I give for clothes found wringing wet.
By nightmares dark, afflicted, as a monster I'm depicted,
In a week I stand convicted and the sentence has been set.
Tomorrow ends my sorrow for I'll die without regret -
To reclaim my Juliet.
Well done. and good luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
A most enjoyable read, A story in a very well written poem. The story is compelling, and suitable for the prompt image.
Now my memory is taunting of that night so deeply haunting,
No explanation can I give for clothes found wringing wet.
By nightmares dark, afflicted, as a monster I'm depicted,
In a week I stand convicted and the sentence has been set.
Tomorrow ends my sorrow for I'll die without regret -
To reclaim my Juliet.
Well done. and good luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thanks, Mary
Just heard I came second in the contest. :o(
Steve
-
Thanks, Mary
Just heard I came second in the contest. :o(
Steve
-
That is great Steve, I am so pleased for you. Mary
Comment from shortwerks
Geez. Fearless. I am so impressed that you set yourself such a huge challenge and then pulled it off, too.
Big Poe fan here and I admire the way you reference his other works, too. The pounding heart, the echoes of Lenore, the choice of murder (was it The Goldbug?).
Lots of great, unexpected rhymes. You didn't take any easy or predictable turns.
The only word that didn't work for my ear was "palette". The stress seemed different and it did stop me for a moment.
Otherwise, it was like being suddenly thrown into a fast-moving car and really enjoying the ride.
Respect.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
Geez. Fearless. I am so impressed that you set yourself such a huge challenge and then pulled it off, too.
Big Poe fan here and I admire the way you reference his other works, too. The pounding heart, the echoes of Lenore, the choice of murder (was it The Goldbug?).
Lots of great, unexpected rhymes. You didn't take any easy or predictable turns.
The only word that didn't work for my ear was "palette". The stress seemed different and it did stop me for a moment.
Otherwise, it was like being suddenly thrown into a fast-moving car and really enjoying the ride.
Respect.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
Thanks for the glowing review although maybe you are crediting me with more smarts than I really have. I have read those Poe stories, but didn't intentionally include echoes of them.
In my part of the world, palette is often pronounced with the stress on the second syllable, perhaps to distinguish it from palate and pallet, but I know it threw a few readers a bit.
Just heard I won second place (again, sigh)
Steve
-
Thanks for the glowing review although maybe you are crediting me with more smarts than I really have. I have read those Poe stories, but didn't intentionally include echoes of them.
In my part of the world, palette is often pronounced with the stress on the second syllable, perhaps to distinguish it from palate and pallet, but I know it threw a few readers a bit.
Just heard I won second place (again, sigh)
Steve
-
Hi, Steve. Congratulations on placing second. I'm sure there were many, many entries so that is a true accomplishment.
The winning work was very good, but I still admire the way you stretched yourself for something great.
You'll get them next time.
Best wishes.
Comment from vapros
Six stars for this excellent rendition of your sad story, in the style of the Raven. The man was a genius indeed, and you just might be that, also. There is wonderful imagination here, and rhyming and cadence. Lots of hard work is both evident and appreciated. Wonderful read. I hope you enjoyed the lady, before putting her to soak.
v
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
|
Six stars for this excellent rendition of your sad story, in the style of the Raven. The man was a genius indeed, and you just might be that, also. There is wonderful imagination here, and rhyming and cadence. Lots of hard work is both evident and appreciated. Wonderful read. I hope you enjoyed the lady, before putting her to soak.
v
Comment Written 08-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2013
-
That was no lady, that was my Juliet!
Thanks for the kind words. just heard I won second place (again, sigh)
Steve
-
That was no lady, that was my Juliet!
Thanks for the kind words. just heard I won second place (again, sigh)
Steve
