Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "Sunkothai Moon, Part One"Murder Mystery
52 total reviews
Comment from Selina Stambi
Fabulous concluding line as always, my friend - you leave your reader pleading for more!
Please, Jana, don't allow that pig to hurt you, again...
This chapter is a nice come-back-to-earth after the super-charged read that the previous one was.
That Oirishman sounds like a yummy diversion ...:)
You go, girl!
Hugs,
xxx
Sonali :)
man would come out from behind the bar and get friendly(,) when he spotted Jana coming in the door
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Fabulous concluding line as always, my friend - you leave your reader pleading for more!
Please, Jana, don't allow that pig to hurt you, again...
This chapter is a nice come-back-to-earth after the super-charged read that the previous one was.
That Oirishman sounds like a yummy diversion ...:)
You go, girl!
Hugs,
xxx
Sonali :)
man would come out from behind the bar and get friendly(,) when he spotted Jana coming in the door
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Sonali, for the awesome review. Jana's is a smart gal and determined to remain intact, but love has a way of sneaking back in. I really appreciate your great insights and spaggie alert. Love ya, Bev
Comment from judiverse
This is great. You have some intriguing background about Jana and her relationship with Dresden when she was with the FBI. The guy must have really done a job on her to send her to a psychiatrist. Now she has to rely on his expertise as a profiler for all the angles they're dealing with, be it some supernatural force or some totally amoral individual. This time it's strictly business, and she's not going to let him mess with her again. Interesting observation at the end of this that Dresden was seen flirting with another woman before Jana came in. judi
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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This is great. You have some intriguing background about Jana and her relationship with Dresden when she was with the FBI. The guy must have really done a job on her to send her to a psychiatrist. Now she has to rely on his expertise as a profiler for all the angles they're dealing with, be it some supernatural force or some totally amoral individual. This time it's strictly business, and she's not going to let him mess with her again. Interesting observation at the end of this that Dresden was seen flirting with another woman before Jana came in. judi
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Judi, thank you for this in-depth review. You always take a lot of time and I appreciate that very much. I like Jana. Can you tell? And, though her head says she's done with Dred, well... that'a another chapter LOL. Thanks again gracious lady! :0) Bev
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You're so welcome. Jana is a great character. She's learned from her past experience with Dred, and probably has learned not to go there again. Besides, other guys are definitely interested in her. judi
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Great summation. Thanks, Judi xxx Bev
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Hi, Bev. You're so welcome. judi
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Bev,
The chapter is interesting and compelling. The story has action, suspense, and mystery, making it a pleasure to read. The narrative is outstanding, and the dialogue is excellent. The characters are convincing and realistic. It is a good read that leaves me wondering what Jana's motive is.
Curtis
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Bev,
The chapter is interesting and compelling. The story has action, suspense, and mystery, making it a pleasure to read. The narrative is outstanding, and the dialogue is excellent. The characters are convincing and realistic. It is a good read that leaves me wondering what Jana's motive is.
Curtis
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Curtis, thank you so much for your wonderful words of encouragement. I'm very honored by your six-star review as I admire your crisp, professional writing style. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
Jana is certainly sticking her neck out meeting this FBI tough guy, no matter what the stakes here. You describe her feelings about it well, and clearly the Bar owner feels an attraction. Funny that she spotted the murderers car in the parking lot - perhaps as well she made no attempt to deal with it, but she may come to regret that I suspect.
One correction for you -
on the Tast Force. - Task Force
Patrick
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Hi Writingfundimension,
Jana is certainly sticking her neck out meeting this FBI tough guy, no matter what the stakes here. You describe her feelings about it well, and clearly the Bar owner feels an attraction. Funny that she spotted the murderers car in the parking lot - perhaps as well she made no attempt to deal with it, but she may come to regret that I suspect.
One correction for you -
on the Tast Force. - Task Force
Patrick
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Yes, Jana tends to lead with her heart. You've actually given me a potential plot line, Patrick. I wasn't thinking the car was the killer's. But I may have to re-think that. If so, you deserve the credit for that plot twist. Thanks so much for the great review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
Nice chapter. I love your writing and descriptions. You have a lot of talent, lady :) the story gets more interesting with every chapter you write. You have me on the edge of my seat wanting to know more. If this were in paperback form id be peeking at the ending. Lol!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Nice chapter. I love your writing and descriptions. You have a lot of talent, lady :) the story gets more interesting with every chapter you write. You have me on the edge of my seat wanting to know more. If this were in paperback form id be peeking at the ending. Lol!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Joy, thank you for this sweet and very encouraging review. I so appreciate your words of support and your generosity. You're the best! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Sloegin
Good chapter, it moved along at a good pace. Not enough conflict though. Your dialogue flows smooth and you verbiage is good, not forced nor stilted. A couple of things jumped out at me: Don't use "was" in front of words ending in :ing" It denotes passive voice and you want active voice in yur writing.
"I'm on my way to my favorite local restaurant." Would you really talk like this to someone? HOw about: I'm on my way to Banger's. Want to join me?"
a markable old lady (4th paragraph) I don't think "markable" is a word.
I like the way you keep tossing in Indian word and phrases. Clever and attention getting.
Keep writing.
Sloegin
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Good chapter, it moved along at a good pace. Not enough conflict though. Your dialogue flows smooth and you verbiage is good, not forced nor stilted. A couple of things jumped out at me: Don't use "was" in front of words ending in :ing" It denotes passive voice and you want active voice in yur writing.
"I'm on my way to my favorite local restaurant." Would you really talk like this to someone? HOw about: I'm on my way to Banger's. Want to join me?"
a markable old lady (4th paragraph) I don't think "markable" is a word.
I like the way you keep tossing in Indian word and phrases. Clever and attention getting.
Keep writing.
Sloegin
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Thanks for your time and attention, Sloegin.
Comment from c_lucas
Bravo. You make me wounder how many parts there are. Knowing Jana mood, I would be surprise if she wasn't wearing Dred's scalp on her waist belt when she leaves. Good job.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Bravo. You make me wounder how many parts there are. Knowing Jana mood, I would be surprise if she wasn't wearing Dred's scalp on her waist belt when she leaves. Good job.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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I'm laughing, charlie, as your thought echoes my own. Thanks so much for your loyalty and generosity. :0) Bev
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You're welcome, Bev. Charlie
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:0)
Comment from Dean Kuch
So, Jana is going to discuss the case with Dresden over drinks and perhaps dinner. Why do I have this feeling in my gut that she's not just going to discuss the case?
Banger's Pub sounds like my kind of place, I love places like that. Unfortunately for Donal, the usually pleasant scenery inside of Bangers got a little more bleak as he observed Jana walking in with Dresden. I liked the description of the two men exchanging predatory glances at one another near the end of the story. That was a nice touch. Like two wolves, fighting for the wiles and affections of the Alpha female in their pack...
Nicely done, Writingfundimension.
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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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So, Jana is going to discuss the case with Dresden over drinks and perhaps dinner. Why do I have this feeling in my gut that she's not just going to discuss the case?
Banger's Pub sounds like my kind of place, I love places like that. Unfortunately for Donal, the usually pleasant scenery inside of Bangers got a little more bleak as he observed Jana walking in with Dresden. I liked the description of the two men exchanging predatory glances at one another near the end of the story. That was a nice touch. Like two wolves, fighting for the wiles and affections of the Alpha female in their pack...
Nicely done, Writingfundimension.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Hi, Dean. Thank you for your generous and encouraging review. I really appreciate your insights, too. Great to hear from you. :0) Bev
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My pleasure, Bev:)
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I thought it was about time to hear about Jana and Dred again. I really like these two characters. You do a remarkable job with character development. I appreciate the bits of their background you weave into this chapter. Your descriptions are top notch, as always. The last paragraph is super. "Flipping on a smile . . . " A true bad boy, but clearly hard to resist.
A fabulous story, Bev. Hurry up and write the next chapter!!
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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I thought it was about time to hear about Jana and Dred again. I really like these two characters. You do a remarkable job with character development. I appreciate the bits of their background you weave into this chapter. Your descriptions are top notch, as always. The last paragraph is super. "Flipping on a smile . . . " A true bad boy, but clearly hard to resist.
A fabulous story, Bev. Hurry up and write the next chapter!!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Thanks so much for your wonderful review, buddy. I so appreciate your support and encouragement. The next chapter is planned for much sooner than this one LOL. XX Bev
Comment from victor 66
Last year we closed a cold case due to the visions of a markable old lady from North Carolina. She was as thrilled as we were to get a serial rapist." Did you mean REMARKABLE?
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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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Last year we closed a cold case due to the visions of a markable old lady from North Carolina. She was as thrilled as we were to get a serial rapist." Did you mean REMARKABLE?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2013
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I did. Thank you.
