Forbidden Fruit
Tastes the sweetest51 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
Forbidden fruit tastes sweet at first but then there is a bite....
Mouth watering goddess petite....yes but she might have smelly feet..
Pheromone hazy...yes but what if she's lazy or worse crazy
I like the man I've got ....I have a lot invested ...great kids and grand kids
And I am not eating sweets.....I like your imagery
God bless...have lost 8 pounds
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Forbidden fruit tastes sweet at first but then there is a bite....
Mouth watering goddess petite....yes but she might have smelly feet..
Pheromone hazy...yes but what if she's lazy or worse crazy
I like the man I've got ....I have a lot invested ...great kids and grand kids
And I am not eating sweets.....I like your imagery
God bless...have lost 8 pounds
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Jenny,
yeah, I'm the same... got my life partner and best friend... unfortunately no kids though... but still have everything invested in only one heart... but I love the way you justify you fruit... smelly feet lazy, crazy... your probably right.
Thanks for the wonderful review... most appreciated.
8 Pounds... wouldn't that be 3 and a bit kilo's... I suppose 8 does sound more impressive though... but all the same great job.
With our thoughts we create,
sour tastes,
James xx
Comment from Angel Lawson81
This is a very good entry, I think. It is quite graphic and one can easily feel and picture your words. The colour and picture you chose somehow enhance this.
You cause lightning strikes inside my heart // particularly lightning strikes... sound great together and great picture here.
Mouth-watering ... goddess petite // evokes so many feelings within and there is the sense of fragility in petite and then evokes deep feelings within you
These are the best lines in my opinion in terms of meaning and word choice.
All through very creative, excellent imagery and well conceived, using the meaning, suitable word choice, flow, message and within the structure required by the nonet, which is not easy.
Great elements of love, desire, fantasy.
I wish you the best of luck.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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This is a very good entry, I think. It is quite graphic and one can easily feel and picture your words. The colour and picture you chose somehow enhance this.
You cause lightning strikes inside my heart // particularly lightning strikes... sound great together and great picture here.
Mouth-watering ... goddess petite // evokes so many feelings within and there is the sense of fragility in petite and then evokes deep feelings within you
These are the best lines in my opinion in terms of meaning and word choice.
All through very creative, excellent imagery and well conceived, using the meaning, suitable word choice, flow, message and within the structure required by the nonet, which is not easy.
Great elements of love, desire, fantasy.
I wish you the best of luck.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Angel,
had forbidden fruit in my mind, seen the nonet contest closing and thought, why not... just went through the memory bank to pull up some emotions... and who knows after so long of not playing the attraction game? But a boy can dream can't he?
Thank you for your wonderful review and, well your support in such a beautiful way... you are and will always be appreciated my sweet friend... thanks for the encouragement and the well wishes, but you and I know I don't have a chance in hell.
With our thoughts we create,
a perfect vision,
James xx
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Hi James. I had the same feeling about the love poetry contest. Why not? I changed account and removed it from the contest, but I also know I had no chance to wining, and I only participated because it was free. I refuse to participate in prompts in this site.
I will never win anything here or will any of my books have a nomination, and winning any nomination even less. But that's fine to me.
Fanstory is far from being the audience who's gonna follow my work and enjoy it, but believe me, I have them outside here, and there is no way on earth I will change my writing style to please the masses here.
Do it for fun James. Don't worry about it.
Comment from closetpoetjester
Wow! Lightning strikes in coronary arteries - goodness man...you must seek medical help! LOL Of course the forbidden fruit is the sweetest...it's Murphy's law! Which means the sweetness is in direct proportion to how much you want it and can't have or access it...which is of course HUGE or nigh impossible. Good luck with your Goddess and those jelly legs!...Yours I mean! Haha
Cheers P
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Wow! Lightning strikes in coronary arteries - goodness man...you must seek medical help! LOL Of course the forbidden fruit is the sweetest...it's Murphy's law! Which means the sweetness is in direct proportion to how much you want it and can't have or access it...which is of course HUGE or nigh impossible. Good luck with your Goddess and those jelly legs!...Yours I mean! Haha
Cheers P
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Closet PJ,
I think your description hit the nail right on the head... ooch!
so I guess I'll just keep dreaming and who knows? the fruit may just fall from the tree, right into my hands, or arms as the case may be... thanks for your review, the well wishes and the regained strength in my wobbly stumps.
With our thoughts we create,
impossible realities,
James xx
Comment from Jackarrie
Hi James, this is a beautiful nonet, I love the sentiments contained in it. Forbidden fruit tastes so sweet and Pheromone hazy two great lines. I prefer the nonets to be single spaced. Just my preference. Great image.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi James, this is a beautiful nonet, I love the sentiments contained in it. Forbidden fruit tastes so sweet and Pheromone hazy two great lines. I prefer the nonets to be single spaced. Just my preference. Great image.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Mary,
thanks for your wonderful comments... you may have caught me in-between edits with the spacing issue... once you use advanced edit you need to keep going back in... frustrating stuff.
Thanks for the well wishes.
With our thoughts we create,
increased heart-rate,
James xx
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You should be working on your edits in preview mode, It happened to me and I noticed the preview had NO instead of YES. Mary
Comment from c_lucas
This is well written in the structure of a nonet. It has a smooth flow of words, making for a very romatical read. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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This is well written in the structure of a nonet. It has a smooth flow of words, making for a very romatical read. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Charlie,
thank you for your kind words and well wishes my friend... very appreciated.
With our thoughts we create,
romantic tones,
James
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You're welcome, JJ. Charlie
Comment from Spiritual Echo
A lot of strength and passion in this poem.
Gorgeous presentation.
As little as I know about poetry, I'm wondering if your syllable count is off for this technique--nonet?...reducing syllable count each line? If so, and even if not--it might be stronger to change only to JUST...if just...once.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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A lot of strength and passion in this poem.
Gorgeous presentation.
As little as I know about poetry, I'm wondering if your syllable count is off for this technique--nonet?...reducing syllable count each line? If so, and even if not--it might be stronger to change only to JUST...if just...once.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Ingrid,
yeah, your dead right... seems I changed it that many times my edit referred back as unchanged... don't no what it is with the new advanced edit... seems I have to keep saving and then return to basic edit every single time I do a correction... did that even make sense? No matter I jumped on your suggestion, like a rat clinging to a piece of drift-board on a sinking ship.
Thank you my dearest friend... thought I'd better have a go.
With our thoughts we create,
shapely dreams,
James xx
Comment from Gungalo
You cause lightning strikes inside my heart
Mouth-watering ... goddess petite
Forbidden fruit tastes so sweet
Eyes glaze over, legs go weak
Pheromone hazy
Let me inside
Feel my heat
If only
Once...
Whewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! What a hot write JJ. I love it. This is hotter than a volcanic eruption and ten times as nice.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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You cause lightning strikes inside my heart
Mouth-watering ... goddess petite
Forbidden fruit tastes so sweet
Eyes glaze over, legs go weak
Pheromone hazy
Let me inside
Feel my heat
If only
Once...
Whewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! What a hot write JJ. I love it. This is hotter than a volcanic eruption and ten times as nice.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi G,
from the Queen of steamy encounters, this means a lot... so thank you for a wonderful review and your very generous rating... all class lady G.
With our thoughts we create,
a pounding heart-rate,
James xx
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Smile JJ.
Comment from tbacha58
Let me inside
Feel my heat
If only
Once...
Hello my dearest, I wish God had created all men like you, there would never have been any divorces. Such a deep amazing love poem. You must be the winner, as you are unique. Well done James. Love u Terry xoxo My love to both of you. xoxo How I wish I had a six, I wanted to wait until Sunday when I get my sixes, but maybe the dead line for presenting it to the contest is now.Sorry xxxx
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Let me inside
Feel my heat
If only
Once...
Hello my dearest, I wish God had created all men like you, there would never have been any divorces. Such a deep amazing love poem. You must be the winner, as you are unique. Well done James. Love u Terry xoxo My love to both of you. xoxo How I wish I had a six, I wanted to wait until Sunday when I get my sixes, but maybe the dead line for presenting it to the contest is now.Sorry xxxx
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Terry,
thank you so much for your well wishes and your wonderful thought to wait until Sunday... but just having your eyes gaze over my words are way more important than any six could satisfy.
Hope your heart is repairing, know that you are in our thoughts constantly...
With our thoughts we create,
a heart of need,
James xx
Comment from manicblue
(changed to 5 stars)
This was a good description of forbidden fruits (nice picture to accompany your poem). And the ending was pensive, alluding to hope for a tryst but none is offered.
Just these:
Eyes glaze over, legs go weak = needs to be 6 syllables instead of 7
If only = needs to be 2 syllables instead of 3
mb xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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(changed to 5 stars)
This was a good description of forbidden fruits (nice picture to accompany your poem). And the ending was pensive, alluding to hope for a tryst but none is offered.
Just these:
Eyes glaze over, legs go weak = needs to be 6 syllables instead of 7
If only = needs to be 2 syllables instead of 3
mb xx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Lucretia,
thank you so much for the corrections. I had changed them a few times where their count was correct... then juggled the lines, but with every edit it reverted back... I hope I've got it this time... your review is most appreciated.
With our thoughts we create,
a glimpse of heat,
James xx
Comment from seaglass
This is a sensuous poem. Lovely structure, graduating down to one word. I do not know what more to say about it than it's intensely sexy. Your lady will swoon once she reads it. It is well written
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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This is a sensuous poem. Lovely structure, graduating down to one word. I do not know what more to say about it than it's intensely sexy. Your lady will swoon once she reads it. It is well written
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Hi Seaglass,
thank you for your wonderful review, it is most appreciated.
With our thoughts we create,
a beating heart,
James xx
