The Crypt of Hubbard Hayle: Part 2
Part two of the story...45 total reviews
Comment from nancy_e_davis
So Timmy proves to be not so Timid after all. Yeah you can just take so much and then you have to explode, that is if you are Timmy. I wonder what makes boys want to go on such adventures. Mother Mouse has more sense than they do, LOL
Write on Dean. We're waiting! Nancy
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
  |
So Timmy proves to be not so Timid after all. Yeah you can just take so much and then you have to explode, that is if you are Timmy. I wonder what makes boys want to go on such adventures. Mother Mouse has more sense than they do, LOL
Write on Dean. We're waiting! Nancy
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
-
Hah, thanks, Nancy, but you won't have to wait too much longer. In my continuing stories, I usually manage to write, edit and post at least one chapter per week, so it will be soon.
Comment from Andrewajgblue
I enjoyed this so much, great writing as always, will they get there or not that is the question, such a good story. With great characters, I spelling error right at the beginning ( rapid rolling), but absolutely brilliant ,
Can't wait for part 3
Andrew
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
|
I enjoyed this so much, great writing as always, will they get there or not that is the question, such a good story. With great characters, I spelling error right at the beginning ( rapid rolling), but absolutely brilliant ,
Can't wait for part 3
Andrew
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
-
Thank you, Andrew, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
roil-[roil]
verb (used with object)
1.to render (water, wine, etc.) turbid by stirring up sediment.
2.to disturb or disquiet; irritate; vex: to be roiled by a delay.
In other words, the dark clouds were stirring up the skies overhead...
-
My mistake ! It's a word I've not heard before, my apologies :)
-
No need to apologize, Andrew. I felt it was better to show you the definition, so you'd know the word, rather than simply saying that I meant to write 'roiling'. That way, you'll remember it.
8>}
-
Well yes I've learnt something today, I'm getting roiled today good and proper, my train is delayed lol
Cheers
-
Ha ha, well, I hope it gets there soon, my friend!
Comment from crystal brandon
hi im crystal Brandon,.im an new member of fanstory and im an college student as well,.i just got done reading your story and I loved it it kinda creeped me out an scared me an little but your story is just like tales from the crypt,.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
|
hi im crystal Brandon,.im an new member of fanstory and im an college student as well,.i just got done reading your story and I loved it it kinda creeped me out an scared me an little but your story is just like tales from the crypt,.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
-
Hey, I love Tales from the Crypt, Crystal. That's a wonderful compliment, thank you very much.
Comment from Domino 2
As I often say, I rarely review prose, Dean, but here you prove you're a terrific story teller as well as a poet.
LOL at Danny's snooping and partiality to redheads that overcomes old Timmy's disgusting dumping stink - must be cased by too much 'jerky'.
I'm not familiar with the expression - 'to toss my cookies', but it's a fun phrase that made me think. :-)
I'm not sure about, 'I saw murder in those eyes'. Sometimes repetition can be dramatic, but with respect maybe consider something like:
'the look portrayed a black porthole to his soul' - OK, just a quick suggestion, and it's probably rubbish.
Anyway, a very entertaining and unusual read that's worth my sixer.
Cheers, Ted
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
 |
As I often say, I rarely review prose, Dean, but here you prove you're a terrific story teller as well as a poet.
LOL at Danny's snooping and partiality to redheads that overcomes old Timmy's disgusting dumping stink - must be cased by too much 'jerky'.
I'm not familiar with the expression - 'to toss my cookies', but it's a fun phrase that made me think. :-)
I'm not sure about, 'I saw murder in those eyes'. Sometimes repetition can be dramatic, but with respect maybe consider something like:
'the look portrayed a black porthole to his soul' - OK, just a quick suggestion, and it's probably rubbish.
Anyway, a very entertaining and unusual read that's worth my sixer.
Cheers, Ted
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 04-May-2014
-
How did I miss this rare (but wonderful!) review, Ted!? I just happened to be going through some long over due, unanswered reviews, and I saw your name atop this. "But wait a second," I told myself. "Ted rarely reviews prose...could it really be?" Boy, am I blown away by this one! And a sixer too, no less. What an honor, Ted I'll turn you into a reader and writer of prose yet, my friend (LOL!) E-h-h-h-h-h, then again, maybe not.
-
Thanks for your great reply, Dean.
All the best, Ted
Comment from Jay Squires
Dean, this is some really good stuff! Tell me, is the artwork part of a novel you've already published? Or, are you really that good at the illustration end of publication.
This has all the makings of a fabulous young adult novel.
Your plot has action, suspense, and moves smoothly toward the conclusion.
Danny has a good protagonist voice: kinda cocky, yet the reader gets the feeling he's not meanspirited.
Mickey is a natural go-a-longer who has finally reached his limit, making Danny reconsider his own role in their relationship.
Your dialogue is casual, yet intelligent. It both helps to develop each character while driving the plot forward.
Either you edited this very well, or I'm going blind. I didn't see any SPAG.
I'll await the next segment.
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
|
Dean, this is some really good stuff! Tell me, is the artwork part of a novel you've already published? Or, are you really that good at the illustration end of publication.
This has all the makings of a fabulous young adult novel.
Your plot has action, suspense, and moves smoothly toward the conclusion.
Danny has a good protagonist voice: kinda cocky, yet the reader gets the feeling he's not meanspirited.
Mickey is a natural go-a-longer who has finally reached his limit, making Danny reconsider his own role in their relationship.
Your dialogue is casual, yet intelligent. It both helps to develop each character while driving the plot forward.
Either you edited this very well, or I'm going blind. I didn't see any SPAG.
I'll await the next segment.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2014
reply by the author on 01-May-2014
-
Thanks so much for your kind & complimentary review, Jay. And while I do illustrate a lot of my own stories, some pictures, like the ones you see here, I get to use royalty free from photobucket.com.
This story is based on an amalgamation of some incidents I had growing up, with a bit of creative embellishment and suspense added, of course. I truly appreciate you following along with the story. That means a great deal to me!
-
Thanks so much for your kind & complimentary review, Jay. And while I do illustrate a lot of my own stories, some pictures, like the ones you see here, I get to use royalty free from photobucket.com.
