A Christmas Rescue
A Magical Christmas Tale45 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
A story fix for the younger generation. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very entertaining read. Very good imagery.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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A story fix for the younger generation. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very entertaining read. Very good imagery.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Thank you very much for the feedback and your encouraging words. It is very much appreciated.
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You're welcome, Charlie
Comment from Christof McTarnahan
A truly amazing ride. I really enjoyed this story, and the underlying message was spot on. Any story with a shillelagh and Santa in the same context is pure genius. Merry Christmas
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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A truly amazing ride. I really enjoyed this story, and the underlying message was spot on. Any story with a shillelagh and Santa in the same context is pure genius. Merry Christmas
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Wow. Thank you so much for the six stars! Very generous indeed. I am really glad you enjoyed this. I have a shillelagh above the fireplace next to my Christmas cards! much appreciated.
Comment from adewpearl
worked off our feet, but just look - add comma
Strong opening and introduction of Santa
Sorry, guys, but I'm tired - add the second comma for direct address
Great premise as Santa is dejected over the lack of demand for his magic and his elves are out of work
we're all here now, Santa - add comma for direct address
in line ya know." Replied - make that know," replied
let yourself go, big man - add comma
fun spell poem
love the resolution to his problem and the fantasy element :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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worked off our feet, but just look - add comma
Strong opening and introduction of Santa
Sorry, guys, but I'm tired - add the second comma for direct address
Great premise as Santa is dejected over the lack of demand for his magic and his elves are out of work
we're all here now, Santa - add comma for direct address
in line ya know." Replied - make that know," replied
let yourself go, big man - add comma
fun spell poem
love the resolution to his problem and the fantasy element :-) Brooke
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Glad you enjoyed the piece. It was a fun write! Thank you so much for the punctuation pointers - have r-edited. Much appreciated.
Comment from Adri7enne
"trying not to look at the disappointment on the little FELLA'S faces..." FELLOWS' FACES. Plural, and possessive.
"Ye HAVEN'T haff let ..." I would remove HAVEN'T.
"something AT which you are very skilled AT, Santa." Remove the last AT.
"He looked up AT the ragged little group ..." Insert AT.
"without picking up a thing or TO, it seems." TWO
"Santa found HIMSELF TO BE grinning." "Santa found himself grinning." More direct.
"After a moment or two, the light STARED to fluctuate..." STARTED
Well, that was pretty magical. Clean up those few glitches and you could have a winner, here. Well done, author. Good luck in the contest.
I was intrigued with what new story you might weave around the same old theme. I found it creative and very imaginative.
I've noted a few little glitches you might want to check out.
"At this time of year, we should be flat out, worked off our feet, but it'S just so depressing!" Add the apostrophe S.
"Kneeling on the floor in front of him was an elder of the elves. His pointy ears drooping and his cheeks not so rosy." I think you should join these two sentences into one. Otherwise, the second sentence is not complete, missing the active verb as it is.
"The little fairy flew round the room and settled on each of the little CREATURES' shoulders and whispered in their ears." Add the apostrophe after CREATURES' to show the poss.
I like the way you depict your characters - the way they brighten as the Fairy unfurls their plan.
Congrats on the contest win. It was an enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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"trying not to look at the disappointment on the little FELLA'S faces..." FELLOWS' FACES. Plural, and possessive.
"Ye HAVEN'T haff let ..." I would remove HAVEN'T.
"something AT which you are very skilled AT, Santa." Remove the last AT.
"He looked up AT the ragged little group ..." Insert AT.
"without picking up a thing or TO, it seems." TWO
"Santa found HIMSELF TO BE grinning." "Santa found himself grinning." More direct.
"After a moment or two, the light STARED to fluctuate..." STARTED
Well, that was pretty magical. Clean up those few glitches and you could have a winner, here. Well done, author. Good luck in the contest.
I was intrigued with what new story you might weave around the same old theme. I found it creative and very imaginative.
I've noted a few little glitches you might want to check out.
"At this time of year, we should be flat out, worked off our feet, but it'S just so depressing!" Add the apostrophe S.
"Kneeling on the floor in front of him was an elder of the elves. His pointy ears drooping and his cheeks not so rosy." I think you should join these two sentences into one. Otherwise, the second sentence is not complete, missing the active verb as it is.
"The little fairy flew round the room and settled on each of the little CREATURES' shoulders and whispered in their ears." Add the apostrophe after CREATURES' to show the poss.
I like the way you depict your characters - the way they brighten as the Fairy unfurls their plan.
Congrats on the contest win. It was an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Hi there. thanks for pointing those errors out! Looked at the thing too many times to see any more! Glad you liked the story. Your feedback is much appreciated.
Comment from mfowler
Well, you really got into this prompt and created a great narrative.
I love these cross mystical creations. You can use combinations of traditional folklore with modern insertion, creating the most wonderful fantasies.
Making Santa into a Christmas slob and giving the visiting leprechauns, fairies etc, personalities is a good example of this.
I loved the whole Internet 'gremlin' plan to bring back magic for Christmas. So 2014, don't you think.
Your writing is energetic, inventive and amusing.
Loved the whole thing.
Some suggestions:
he was thinking, what's the point?..would italicise the thought words to be consistent with the use of the question mark.
Let's here this plan of yours...hear
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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Well, you really got into this prompt and created a great narrative.
I love these cross mystical creations. You can use combinations of traditional folklore with modern insertion, creating the most wonderful fantasies.
Making Santa into a Christmas slob and giving the visiting leprechauns, fairies etc, personalities is a good example of this.
I loved the whole Internet 'gremlin' plan to bring back magic for Christmas. So 2014, don't you think.
Your writing is energetic, inventive and amusing.
Loved the whole thing.
Some suggestions:
he was thinking, what's the point?..would italicise the thought words to be consistent with the use of the question mark.
Let's here this plan of yours...hear
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
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I enjoyed writing this one, it was fun. Really glad you liked it. I will look at those suggestions now! Much appreciated. many thanks
