Ninety to One
An old yearbook unlocks a son's grief.46 total reviews
Comment from Michaelk
Isn't it funny how expectation and reality seldom come within a mile of each other. You were admiring his accomplishments, and without you knowing, he was admiring yours.
The really good parents take pride in their children's accomplishments no matter what they are.
Wonderfully written essay, very emotional.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Isn't it funny how expectation and reality seldom come within a mile of each other. You were admiring his accomplishments, and without you knowing, he was admiring yours.
The really good parents take pride in their children's accomplishments no matter what they are.
Wonderfully written essay, very emotional.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Thanks. The last thing my father said to me when I rushed across three states to his hospital bed was "You ain't seen nothing yet." I did not understand him at the time because I was too distraught over losing him. I thought he was talking about the afterlife. Only a year later when I began storytelling and writing at the age of 49 did I understand his prediction. How our parents can see the potential in us before we do is beyond me. Maybe it is magic. Maybe it is hope. Maybe it is love. I know that wonders will keep unfolding before me. FanStory is one of them. Thank you for your support.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Sis Cat
I'm sure your father would be proud, especially if he had had the opportunity to read this story. You should enter it in the site contest for non-fiction, personal stories.
Again, an entertaining, evocative write holding interest all the way through. Your writing style made it personal and shared with your readers. My deepest sympathies for the loss of your father ... you obviously looked up to him, and he was a noble man by the sound of it.
The 'school jock' and the 'story-telling' son ... I could imagine some men would conflict with their sons. From your step-mother's comment, your dad wasn't this way at all. VIVA la difference! My brother, sister and me grew up never meeting my mother's expectations ... I know how heart-breaking it can be to be so different from a parent. What a shame you didn't have more time to discuss it all with your dad. I hope writing this provides some cathartic release for you, as it also helps others in similar situations come to terms with their own grief and regrets.
It always amazes me how a piece of writing or a poem can make such a difference to someone, even a stranger. That will be your legacy and is equally as important as all the accomplishments of your father. Well done. I salute your entertaining story with so much value in it's social sharing. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Hi Sis Cat
I'm sure your father would be proud, especially if he had had the opportunity to read this story. You should enter it in the site contest for non-fiction, personal stories.
Again, an entertaining, evocative write holding interest all the way through. Your writing style made it personal and shared with your readers. My deepest sympathies for the loss of your father ... you obviously looked up to him, and he was a noble man by the sound of it.
The 'school jock' and the 'story-telling' son ... I could imagine some men would conflict with their sons. From your step-mother's comment, your dad wasn't this way at all. VIVA la difference! My brother, sister and me grew up never meeting my mother's expectations ... I know how heart-breaking it can be to be so different from a parent. What a shame you didn't have more time to discuss it all with your dad. I hope writing this provides some cathartic release for you, as it also helps others in similar situations come to terms with their own grief and regrets.
It always amazes me how a piece of writing or a poem can make such a difference to someone, even a stranger. That will be your legacy and is equally as important as all the accomplishments of your father. Well done. I salute your entertaining story with so much value in it's social sharing. Warm Regards - Lovinia xoxo
Comment Written 18-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2015
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Thanks. Yes, writing is a cathartic experience for me. I grieve through writing. I rejoice through writing. My tears are my ink. If I stop writing I would stop breathing.
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Thanks. Yes, writing is a cathartic experience for me. I grieve through writing. I rejoice through writing. My tears are my ink. If I stop writing I would stop breathing.
Comment from jpduck
First of all, welcome to FanStory, a great place to be. 'Ninety to One' is stunningly good. It leaves my gasping for more. This does not, in my opinion, need an iota of adjustment to suit the printed word. I wish I had a six-star rating left (we're only allowed six a week). Not that star ratings matter a tinker's cuss. I look forward to reading everything you write for FS; please make it a lot.
Adrian
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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First of all, welcome to FanStory, a great place to be. 'Ninety to One' is stunningly good. It leaves my gasping for more. This does not, in my opinion, need an iota of adjustment to suit the printed word. I wish I had a six-star rating left (we're only allowed six a week). Not that star ratings matter a tinker's cuss. I look forward to reading everything you write for FS; please make it a lot.
Adrian
Comment Written 16-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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Thank you for the feedback. I did not know if "Ninety to One" would work as a written story because I performed this script live at The Moth StorySlam. I am heartened to know that this story may be publishable and that it can still impact people on the page in addition to the stage. Thanks.
Comment from Debbie Noland
A wonderfully sensitive account of this father-son relationship, focusing poignantly on the angst of a son who feels he can never measure up the his dad's accomplishments. That internal conflict is centered skillfully on the symbol of the yearbook, which counts ninety signatures to the son's one.
You capture the son's mixed feeling perfectly, as he resents his dad's successes and expectations, while at the same time he wishes fervently for his approval. With this, you give readers a thought-provoking complexity that enables us to enjoy and contemplate this story on multiple levels.
My one suggestion is to keep your tense consistent. Although you narrate the story in primarily past tense, you slip into present tense with two verbs in the first line of your second paragraph. Say: It WAS April 2012 and I WAS staggering.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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A wonderfully sensitive account of this father-son relationship, focusing poignantly on the angst of a son who feels he can never measure up the his dad's accomplishments. That internal conflict is centered skillfully on the symbol of the yearbook, which counts ninety signatures to the son's one.
You capture the son's mixed feeling perfectly, as he resents his dad's successes and expectations, while at the same time he wishes fervently for his approval. With this, you give readers a thought-provoking complexity that enables us to enjoy and contemplate this story on multiple levels.
My one suggestion is to keep your tense consistent. Although you narrate the story in primarily past tense, you slip into present tense with two verbs in the first line of your second paragraph. Say: It WAS April 2012 and I WAS staggering.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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Thank you for your feedback and suggestion which I will incorporate. I am humbled that my story works equally well on the page as on The Moth stage. I crafted my story my focusing on the yearbook and not on my father's passing away in the next room. Sometimes it is the small things that bring us to tears and cause us to reflect on "multiple levels." Thanks.
Comment from kiwisteveh
This is a perceptive piece focusing on the difficulty of living up to someone else's achievements - we seldom stop to think that for every great achiever there are siblings and children who must live in their shadow - I see it in my own second son who chose not to compete against the academic achievements of his older brother.
Your story ends on a positive note with the simple encouraging comment from your step-mother
Steve
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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This is a perceptive piece focusing on the difficulty of living up to someone else's achievements - we seldom stop to think that for every great achiever there are siblings and children who must live in their shadow - I see it in my own second son who chose not to compete against the academic achievements of his older brother.
Your story ends on a positive note with the simple encouraging comment from your step-mother
Steve
Comment Written 16-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much! I did not know if my Moth StorySlam script would work as a written story. Perhaps I am a better story writer than a storyteller, but I will keep getting up there on stage. Thanks to your encouragement, I will submit this story for publication.
Comment from MusingsOfMWH
I suppose this story "Ninety to One" impacts me so strongly because I can identify very well with the narrator. My father is still alive, which I'm thankful for, but that doesn't alter the fact he is far more of a people person than I am. He received dozens of Christmas cards just a few weeks past, while I got two. When the narrator makes the dismal self-observation that the apple has fallen far from the tree, I can relate all too well.
But, just as the stepmother Kristin encourages the depressed son two years after his father's passing, Dad's actions of being the first to get my initial published novel and wearing a customized hooded sweatshirt emblazoned with an image of its cover encouraged me, and I, too, can cut myself some slack.
Thank you for submitting writing which is so powerful that ends with a positive message.
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reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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I suppose this story "Ninety to One" impacts me so strongly because I can identify very well with the narrator. My father is still alive, which I'm thankful for, but that doesn't alter the fact he is far more of a people person than I am. He received dozens of Christmas cards just a few weeks past, while I got two. When the narrator makes the dismal self-observation that the apple has fallen far from the tree, I can relate all too well.
But, just as the stepmother Kristin encourages the depressed son two years after his father's passing, Dad's actions of being the first to get my initial published novel and wearing a customized hooded sweatshirt emblazoned with an image of its cover encouraged me, and I, too, can cut myself some slack.
Thank you for submitting writing which is so powerful that ends with a positive message.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2015
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Thank you very much! I did not know if my Moth StorySlam script would work as a written story. This is the first story I wrote and performed after I studied The Moth anthology of true personal stories. People keep telling me that my live performances should be published as stories. I will follow through on their recommendations.
