Locked Away
Within a shattered soul...54 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
This is awesome. Such a dark, depressing, and oh, so scary story in a poem. I cannot think of anything I would change and just love these two line:
Steel bars give little comfort, no protection from the world outside,
Is this how it's going to be -- is there none in whom I can confide?
Excellent work with this one an up to you usual scary, perfectly written work.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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This is awesome. Such a dark, depressing, and oh, so scary story in a poem. I cannot think of anything I would change and just love these two line:
Steel bars give little comfort, no protection from the world outside,
Is this how it's going to be -- is there none in whom I can confide?
Excellent work with this one an up to you usual scary, perfectly written work.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from JanetRussek
Hello again, Dean.
It would really be devastating to feel like this. How much more lonely and abandoned could anyone feel? A painful cry.
Warm Regards,
Janet
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
 |
Hello again, Dean.
It would really be devastating to feel like this. How much more lonely and abandoned could anyone feel? A painful cry.
Warm Regards,
Janet
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from PatVallesMangan
Wow Dean! You've done it again! Quite a horrible scene you have created, beginning with the picture, and followed by your great ability to portray this tortured soul. Through use of so many wonderfully creepy poetic devices, (great use of alliteration, enjambment and rhyme with a story- like rhythm, make this screamingly real! This is a definite 6 star review! Congrats on this creation! Pat :)
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
Wow Dean! You've done it again! Quite a horrible scene you have created, beginning with the picture, and followed by your great ability to portray this tortured soul. Through use of so many wonderfully creepy poetic devices, (great use of alliteration, enjambment and rhyme with a story- like rhythm, make this screamingly real! This is a definite 6 star review! Congrats on this creation! Pat :)
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I did not like the artwork you chose at all, but it does fit your poem perfectly. It seems that more than ever we are witness to pain and sadness. I wish I understood how to help. Good poem.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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I did not like the artwork you chose at all, but it does fit your poem perfectly. It seems that more than ever we are witness to pain and sadness. I wish I understood how to help. Good poem.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from Patti 52
From the beginning with solitude and lingering shadows, I was drawn in. I felt the authors pain and suffering. The desperation of the situation and no way to redeem yourself. When a poem or story taps into your deepest emotions, that is excellent writing. This is such a poem.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
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From the beginning with solitude and lingering shadows, I was drawn in. I felt the authors pain and suffering. The desperation of the situation and no way to redeem yourself. When a poem or story taps into your deepest emotions, that is excellent writing. This is such a poem.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from royowen
Another shivery Dean, rhyming rhythm is your bag, peppered with great alliteration of which Gasp/ghosts, scuttle/scurry/screaming, too many others to mention, the meter is exquisitely even, the native as always elegantly written in articulate language withy great descriptive expression, well done, blessing Roy.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
Another shivery Dean, rhyming rhythm is your bag, peppered with great alliteration of which Gasp/ghosts, scuttle/scurry/screaming, too many others to mention, the meter is exquisitely even, the native as always elegantly written in articulate language withy great descriptive expression, well done, blessing Roy.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
-
Most welcome
Comment from RGstar
Good to see you back where you should be. You grasped the thesis and kept it through, evenly to the end. Story-like but poetic ambiance in abundance.
Written by a writer that believes and knows what he is talking about.
''Remorse has faded with the dusk, the coffin nails are sharp -- so long.''
Seems two sentences in one, and the end a little stubby. ''So long''..could mean goodbye or nails are long. Maybe join them up and get rid of the hyphen? Might make it smoother.
suggestion
Remorse has faded with the dusk; the coffin's nails sharp and long.''
''Remorse has faded in the dusk with coffin nails sharp and long.''
( if we speak of length, semi colon runs the sentence on.
If goodbye;
''Remorse has faded with the dusk, through sharpened nails I bid; so long
Just some examples to highlight my point of view, Dean. You know better than anyone what should be written.
Good solid write. Good image to back up your thesis.
Best wishes,
RG
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
Good to see you back where you should be. You grasped the thesis and kept it through, evenly to the end. Story-like but poetic ambiance in abundance.
Written by a writer that believes and knows what he is talking about.
''Remorse has faded with the dusk, the coffin nails are sharp -- so long.''
Seems two sentences in one, and the end a little stubby. ''So long''..could mean goodbye or nails are long. Maybe join them up and get rid of the hyphen? Might make it smoother.
suggestion
Remorse has faded with the dusk; the coffin's nails sharp and long.''
''Remorse has faded in the dusk with coffin nails sharp and long.''
( if we speak of length, semi colon runs the sentence on.
If goodbye;
''Remorse has faded with the dusk, through sharpened nails I bid; so long
Just some examples to highlight my point of view, Dean. You know better than anyone what should be written.
Good solid write. Good image to back up your thesis.
Best wishes,
RG
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from fimarie78
This poem is really powerful and I have read it over a few times. I liked the idea that the steel bars were keeping the world out, as opposed to the other way around. The imagery was superb
My favourite line was 'in dungeons deep, the soulless sleep'.
Thank you for sharing this.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
This poem is really powerful and I have read it over a few times. I liked the idea that the steel bars were keeping the world out, as opposed to the other way around. The imagery was superb
My favourite line was 'in dungeons deep, the soulless sleep'.
Thank you for sharing this.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Dean,
A cry from the heart for a tortured soul? Or perhaps a tortured mind? It makes good reading, as always. I can offer no suggestions for the improvement of your poem, being no poet myself.
Take care,
Patrick
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
Hi Dean,
A cry from the heart for a tortured soul? Or perhaps a tortured mind? It makes good reading, as always. I can offer no suggestions for the improvement of your poem, being no poet myself.
Take care,
Patrick
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
Comment from emrpoems
What a grave sense of desperation and despair you are experiencing. Lucky this is not biographical. I marvel at your ability to create this type of imagery and make it come alive.
Solid use of rhymed couplets
Good use of enjambment
Stunning presentation as usual
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
|
What a grave sense of desperation and despair you are experiencing. Lucky this is not biographical. I marvel at your ability to create this type of imagery and make it come alive.
Solid use of rhymed couplets
Good use of enjambment
Stunning presentation as usual
Comment Written 22-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2015
-
So sorry for the cut 'n' paste,
but yet I must, and in my haste,
I'll simply thank you for your time
in reading yet another rhyme.
Thank you!
~Dean ;)
