Tiny Tales of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Fruits of Her Labor"Multi-authored book of flash/micro horror fiction
44 total reviews
Comment from Eigle Rull
Wow! I had no idea where this story was headed. I thought it was pretty weird, from the start. But the ending really brought reality knocking.
This was a great little story with a weird, but interesting storyline. It held my attention very well. The dialog fit the story well. I enjoyed it as a story, but I think I might have nightmares tonight, because of it. Best wishes, my friend.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Wow! I had no idea where this story was headed. I thought it was pretty weird, from the start. But the ending really brought reality knocking.
This was a great little story with a weird, but interesting storyline. It held my attention very well. The dialog fit the story well. I enjoyed it as a story, but I think I might have nightmares tonight, because of it. Best wishes, my friend.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 02-May-2015
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Thanks, Eigle Rull, I certainly hope so, heh-heh. Much obliged for your review...
Comment from Jay Squires
Bizarre is a word that comes to mind. It is entertaining, though in a dark way.
It was then the first pangs of labor told hold of Alanna, [...labor TOOK hold of Alanna,]
to deaden her pain -Alanna and George's newborn baby [You have a spacing problem with your EM Dash.
Drugged and powerless, she could neither move nor cry out [Above you did say she had been given nothing to deaden the pain of delivery. To keep the authenticity of her not being able to come to her child's rescue, I think I would remove the "with nothing administered to deaden her pain", which doesn't really do anything for the plot anyway.]
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Bizarre is a word that comes to mind. It is entertaining, though in a dark way.
It was then the first pangs of labor told hold of Alanna, [...labor TOOK hold of Alanna,]
to deaden her pain -Alanna and George's newborn baby [You have a spacing problem with your EM Dash.
Drugged and powerless, she could neither move nor cry out [Above you did say she had been given nothing to deaden the pain of delivery. To keep the authenticity of her not being able to come to her child's rescue, I think I would remove the "with nothing administered to deaden her pain", which doesn't really do anything for the plot anyway.]
Comment Written 02-May-2015
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Thanks for your comments, suggestions and review, Jay. Edits have been made. Much obliged...
Comment from LIJ Red
Wow. Veal and suckling piglet a la Dahmer. Appetizers for the main course, Long Pig. Looks spagless and reads well. Should be a contender. Promptwise looks great, but I didn't count words.
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reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Wow. Veal and suckling piglet a la Dahmer. Appetizers for the main course, Long Pig. Looks spagless and reads well. Should be a contender. Promptwise looks great, but I didn't count words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-May-2015
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Thanks for the feedback, LIJ Red. I appreciate you reading and reviewing the story for me...
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This was an entertaining tale of terror. Great descriptions and imagery. Just a couple of things to possibly consider though, in my opinion
Father meateater moore was a bit of a give away early on.
fresh from off of the boat from France - fresh off the boat?
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Hi there,
This was an entertaining tale of terror. Great descriptions and imagery. Just a couple of things to possibly consider though, in my opinion
Father meateater moore was a bit of a give away early on.
fresh from off of the boat from France - fresh off the boat?
GMG
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-May-2015
reply by the author on 02-May-2015
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Thanks for the suggestions and review, girraffmang. Edits have been made. I'm very grateful for your feedback.
