Tiny Tales of Terror
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Holy Smoke"Multi-authored book of flash/micro horror fiction
51 total reviews
Comment from Lynne McAllister
Excellent read! I know how hard it is to write exactly 100 words. I did so myself. I enjoyed the story. It flowed perfectly. I smiled at the confession, knowing that the priest was a dog :)
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Excellent read! I know how hard it is to write exactly 100 words. I did so myself. I enjoyed the story. It flowed perfectly. I smiled at the confession, knowing that the priest was a dog :)
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks, Lynne. Stories of this nature, meaning the one hundred word variety, about revenge and retribution usually don't do very well in these contests. People much prefer the happy. "feel good" stuff. But, that's okay because horror stories are what I do best, and I'm not much for the touchy, feely stuff. Thanks so much again for your encouraging review.
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I totally ger that..mine was about my Mom killing my grandma..lol pissed a lot of people off..but I got it in at 100 words..:) was a true story I had to shorten the hell out of it :)
called 14 steps..
take it easy :)
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Hey, don't sweat the small stuff, Lynne. If you write stories that don't always have a happy, "feel good" ending (and, let's face it, life often doesn't), then you're bound to ruffle a few feathers. So be it. You just keep doing "your thing", and the critics be damned. :)
Comment from Debbie Noland
Setting trumps the other fiction elements in this little tale of revenge. The weather foreshadows something ominous as the characters meet for their short conversation in the confessional. Finally, the setting exudes smoke and commotion as Jimmy gloats at the deadly justice he has administered. Much irony in this strong prompt response.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Setting trumps the other fiction elements in this little tale of revenge. The weather foreshadows something ominous as the characters meet for their short conversation in the confessional. Finally, the setting exudes smoke and commotion as Jimmy gloats at the deadly justice he has administered. Much irony in this strong prompt response.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on the story, Debbie. I very much appreciate your time and review.
Comment from kiwisteveh
Use of priest/penitent dialog delivers the key details swiftly.
Good use of weather to add atmosphere at very beginning, but does the drizzle add anything further?
Revenge and murder story works well - good luck in the comp.
PS can a spire be pinnacled?
Steve
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Use of priest/penitent dialog delivers the key details swiftly.
Good use of weather to add atmosphere at very beginning, but does the drizzle add anything further?
Revenge and murder story works well - good luck in the comp.
PS can a spire be pinnacled?
Steve
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Atmosphere, Steve, that's all it adds, and a bit of insight into the kind of life Jimmy is now leading since he found out some things.
As far as the spired pinnacle thing, you're right. I had two phrases in my mind simultaneously, and I've edited it to the way I meant for it to read. thanks for catching that, bud!
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Hmmm... I reckon, after the angry black clouds, a little bit of drizzle detracts from the atmosphere...
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It's taken care of.
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Jesus, you beat a dead horse to death.
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Using the Lord's name in vain - I believe that'll be at least a couple of Hail Mary's...
yeah, I'm nit-picking!
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It's taken care of. Most all references to anything weather related have been removed.
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And I'm not Catholic, LOL... :)
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There's a classic, but little-known poem by Robert Service about two guys going to confession. First guy gets absolved OK. Second guy confesses to just five sins - the priest is all confused and say:
Sin three more times and make it eight
That's easier to calculate!
And I'm not a catholic either...
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Dean: Congrats on the wins for "Show must go on" and "A solemn oath."
You are quite the story teller and poet. I am learning from you. Looks like we both wrote about a situation in the church, exposing sins. The priest committed adultry and the man murder. Light shines in this darkness. Were they in the Word or did they know the Trinity? (Mine was in your contest).
Check out the website, "Westminster Prebryterian church" in Minneapolis. The Holy, Holy, Holy was Heavenly. We drove three hours each way with our daughters to worship and explore Minneapolis, downtown and uptown areas. School's out so we are having fun!
Nice chatting with you Dean. Note in the Lake Calhoun area of Minneapolis, MN, they have a Dean parkway. Enjoy your precious family too! flylikeaneagle (Got to walk dogs.)
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Dean: Congrats on the wins for "Show must go on" and "A solemn oath."
You are quite the story teller and poet. I am learning from you. Looks like we both wrote about a situation in the church, exposing sins. The priest committed adultry and the man murder. Light shines in this darkness. Were they in the Word or did they know the Trinity? (Mine was in your contest).
Check out the website, "Westminster Prebryterian church" in Minneapolis. The Holy, Holy, Holy was Heavenly. We drove three hours each way with our daughters to worship and explore Minneapolis, downtown and uptown areas. School's out so we are having fun!
Nice chatting with you Dean. Note in the Lake Calhoun area of Minneapolis, MN, they have a Dean parkway. Enjoy your precious family too! flylikeaneagle (Got to walk dogs.)
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks for having a look at this one, Nancy. A Dean Parkway, you say? I need to swipe their street sign, lol. Just joking, of course. I know forgiveness is favored, but sometimes...sometimes... ...vengeance is much sweeter.
Vengeance is Mine, sayeth the Lord...
~Dean
Comment from scd41
Forgiveness is a great healer. But for ordinary mortals, sometimes it becomes impossible to forgive. It is easier said than done. Your story nicely underscores the point.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Forgiveness is a great healer. But for ordinary mortals, sometimes it becomes impossible to forgive. It is easier said than done. Your story nicely underscores the point.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Sometimes, vengeance feels better than forgiveness.
Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts on this story, my friend. It is appreciated.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements perfectly. You evoke a tonnage of emotion in the reader in this brief piece. Too bad the priest didn't have a chance to confess but they say you are purged through fire so maybe it will work out for him in the end. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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This meets the contest requirements perfectly. You evoke a tonnage of emotion in the reader in this brief piece. Too bad the priest didn't have a chance to confess but they say you are purged through fire so maybe it will work out for him in the end. I wish you all the best in the voting and thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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I thank you for taking the time to read and comment on the story, Monica. Much obliged. :}
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Now that's a way to serve up revenge. I'm guessing he (the husband) was not the forgiving type. Wonderful stinger in the tail. I didn't see it coming at all.
Rhonda
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Now that's a way to serve up revenge. I'm guessing he (the husband) was not the forgiving type. Wonderful stinger in the tail. I didn't see it coming at all.
Rhonda
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Thanks for confirming that, Rhonda. That's the key to successful flash fiction, I think. It's like the
Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment on my humble offering. I sincerely appreciate the feedback. :}
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I know the voting hasn't started yet, but I really liked yours! It seemed to have all the elements.
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Thanks! I hope others will agree. :)
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:)
Comment from Bill Schott
This might need a little editing towards the end. I like the concept, but the cinching up of the conclusion is a bit erratic. You have a change in text font for the final line; is that intentional?
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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This might need a little editing towards the end. I like the concept, but the cinching up of the conclusion is a bit erratic. You have a change in text font for the final line; is that intentional?
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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No, stupid advanced editor again, Bill. I'll take a look at it, and thanks for letting me know.
Comment from royowen
This is rather inspired, it accounts for the priest gulping when he heard the confession of the man. And all forgiveness is given to him, because as it turns putt, with the handcuffs and gun projecting the plot! Now the fire that destroys adulterer, brilliant, you've done it I think, outstanding chance in this short form contest, well done. Good luck, although I didn't think you'll need it, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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This is rather inspired, it accounts for the priest gulping when he heard the confession of the man. And all forgiveness is given to him, because as it turns putt, with the handcuffs and gun projecting the plot! Now the fire that destroys adulterer, brilliant, you've done it I think, outstanding chance in this short form contest, well done. Good luck, although I didn't think you'll need it, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Hey, it ain't ever over 'til the weight challenged lady sings (it's impolite to say "fat" lady now, lol), Roy. I loathe, and I do mean loathe, those who cheat on their spouses. My stories are often about adulterous individuals meeting with a rather gruesome end, just in case you hadn't noticed, heh-heh.
Thanks again for your review. We'll see what happens by tomorrow in the polls.
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Me too, well done
Comment from amahra
Wow, I guess that was a horror to the Priest and to his eternal ending. That was very swift action which is really hard in 100 words. Good job.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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Wow, I guess that was a horror to the Priest and to his eternal ending. That was very swift action which is really hard in 100 words. Good job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-May-2015
reply by the author on 31-May-2015
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He shouldn't have been dipping his holy wick in someone else's candle, if you catch my drift, amahra. Heh-heh.
Thanks very much for commenting.
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LOL! Exactly!!!
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;)
