Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

You truly qualify for membership in Dean Kuch's fan club. This is very well written in a clear concise voice. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

Thank you, Charlie. I sure hope so. At least, I think i do, I'm not too sure yet. Common wisdom states that might not be such a good thing after all. (LOL)
I'm very grateful for your comments. :)

reply by c_lucas on 14-Jun-2015

You're welcome,

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

"What did you stuff it with. Momma?"
"Why, Honey, it wasn't hollow..."
What if momma had a touch of Alzheimers and got a wee bit confused?
"What's pink and bubbly and claws at the window?" the baby in the microwave...
This is an excellent shortshort horror story.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

My point, and the basic gist of this story exactly, Red. Thanks a bunch for your comments.

Comment from sibhus

Excellent

Wow, quite the gruesome shock. A well written short piece that really causes the hairs on the back of your neck to rise. Just enough details for the imagination to take in everything and set it off. A great story and good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

Thanks, Mr. Husky. I appreciate you taking the required time to read and review my entry.

Comment from K. Lorraine

Excellent

April 8 I wrote the Baby Napper... 95 words
I follow women who push baby carriages getting close, but never too close. When the time is right, I place my hand over the baby's mouth and snatch the sleeping child from the buggy.
Who am I? I'm a homebody living in the suburbs with blood-red eyes and a hunger for meat.
What happens to the babies, you ask? I drive them around in my car because I can't sleep, and I find the taste of young, human, flesh is especially good after basting it with butter and baking at 350 degrees in the oven...

I didn't win, but best wishes to you in the contest.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

I think I might have reviewed that one, Lorraine. I probably did, being that it was a horror story.

There have been a myriad of "babies being basted and baked" in the oven. Mine will most likely suffer the same fate as your...it will lose the contest. However, I write about what scares me most, and the atrocities many inflict on children scare me to death.

No pun intended.

Thanks for your comments. You should submit that story into the book. It's open to all premium members you know.

~Dean

reply by K. Lorraine on 14-Jun-2015

Dean, rarely does any one top your creativity and you are a master of imagery. I'm extremely fond of horror, but I like to read it and dabble a little myself periodically. Please explain what you meant (you should submit that story into the book. It's open to all premium members you know.) How is this done. Thank you for spoon feeding with great suggestions when I needed them. Friends, K. Lorraine

reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

You go to one of the chapters in the book, Tiny Tales of Terror, which can be accessed on my profile page, or write hand blue's, or anyone else who has contributed stories to the book, and click on the "ADD CHAPTER" tab to the left and below any story in the series. You'll have to edit your original story's title, as no previously posted works will be able to be submitted. It's not too difficult. You simply copy your existing story by cutting and pasting it into a new post, just as if you're writing an entirely new story, then change the title and add it to the book.

It is that simple. :)

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

This was a good mini flash piece.
Great tension in the piece starting with the mundane and then ripping it away for a horrific ending. Very nicely done.

"The baby! Oh God, Mom... - needs closing speech marks."

GMG

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

Got'cha, giraffmang. I'll make sure to correct it, and thanks for the review.

Comment from tennesseerose

Excellent

Great surprise ending! I wondered how she felt now, after smelling the delicious aroma. Good idea and great presentation! Keep up the great work!

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

Thank you, tennesseerose. I will sure try to! I really appreciate your feedback. :}

reply by tennesseerose on 14-Jun-2015

Thanks, looking forward to reading more of you stuff...

reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

I'll check yours out too. Any requests?

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Horrific, and well written. It just has the ingredients for true terror. An excellent input for this contest. Well done and the best if luck. Ulla

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

Thanks, Ulla. I really am grateful for your time and encouragement, as well as your kind comments. :)

Comment from ellie6

Exceptional

Yuk! creepy or what. This conveys unspeakable horror in a few words, getting right to the point. The photo is creepy as well. After reading this I wanted to read something schmaltzy as an antidote It did what it was meant to do - it spooked me.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

Heh-heh, so sorry about that, Ellie. Well, not really, but I have to say that or you'll hate me and think me cruel.
In all seriousness, I do appreciate you taking a shot at this, especially given the rather...morbid topic. Most people usually can't get past the photos I post to go along with my stories. One of these days, I'm going to post a bouquet of flowers instead, just to throw potential readers off the scent, so to speak. When will I ever learn?
Thanks again for your great feedback, and the six star rating. That's exactly what I needed to hear.

~Anon 4 Now :}

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

You take us into the scene with great rapidity. When Melissa realises that the baby is:something unspeakable, popping and sizzling in the oven, she has every right to be dismayed with Ma who seems to be a one spaced out and villainous creature: Melissa's mother appeared; an apparition materializing suddenly out of aromatic air. Her stare was cold--vacant.
You work a great balance of dialogue and carefully described transitions to create this truly awful scenario.
As I read the final lines, I accidentally subbed one of your words in my head:Melissa darted for the kitchen, while someone unspeakable popped and sizzled in the oven.
A Freudian slip perhaps. Maybe worth considering.
Thanks for the gory entertainment. You clearly know your way around horror. Can't imagine who you are!
Best of luck with this delectable little recipe.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2015

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

Thanks, Mark. I appreciate you taking the time and effort to offer you comments and opinions. Yeah, I thought about "someone" vs. "something" in that very line you mentioned for quite some time. I realized that, as a norm, people -- or "someone's" -- aren't really "unspeakable" by nature. However, when cooked in an oven, they become "something" far less than human. Hence my decision to go with "unspeakable."
Thanks again....~Anon 4 Now :}

reply by mfowler on 14-Jun-2015

Makes sense. I know you would have thought about it. That's why you write so convincingly.

reply by the author on 14-Jun-2015

I try, ha-ha... :)