Comment from royowen

Excellent

Well done Dean, back to your ghoulish best, the job at Mulberry's comes at a certain price, Charley works the graveyard shift at the store which was destroyed by fire on Chridtmas, with roasted people on its menu, the before, they had renovated and reproduced a new store,taken delivery of many mannequins......or were they? Great twist at the end, Charlie works all alone, well done, Dean, well scribed, imaginative and scary, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Thank you, Roy. As you know I always try to keep the blood, guts and gore down to a bare minimum. That's not what true horror is all about, at least not to me. It's the uncomfortable feeling you often get after reading a story--as if someone is nearby--just watching you. That is horror to me.
Thanks again for your comments, my friend.
~Dean

reply by royowen on 07-Dec-2015

I get the shivery feeling, like walking over a grave, well done, mate

Comment from MacMhuirich

Excellent

What do ya think popped into Charlie's mind to scare him? It must've been a spooky place to work after the accident, this is a fine tale to tell the kids while popping bubble wrap. I'm off to try and sleep now and flatten the hair that's stood on end. Excellent work Dean.
Bless you
John

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Thank you, John. I didn't want the story to be overtly violent or bloody, but to convey more of a sense of dread than anything else.
Hopefully I've succeeded in doing so.
Thank you for your comments. ~Dean

Comment from ~Dovey

Excellent

This is an interesting commentary on commercialism during the holidays, even if that wasn't the true intent, Dean. Maybe poor Charlie will come to his senses and make it out alive, or maybe not. I guess perhaps there is room for a sequel. A promising tale, to be sure.

Kim

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Yeah, it was meant to convey the darker side of commercialism, Dovey, as well as how minimum wage, part-time workers are often taken advantage of and for granted, not to mention left out of many company functions and activities.
I hadn't thought about a sequel, but I see what you mean. A different eerie tale set in the same haunted department store.
That just might be worth pursuing.
Thanks for the comments, and the idea.
~Dean

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hello Handsome :)

Another spooky tale for the collection. This one reminded me of an episode of the twilight zone- The After Hours (1986). I like the narrator's tone that sets the mood of the story. Good job my friend!
Gypsy Darlin'

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

I won't deny that I had that episode of TZ in mind while writing this, Gypsy. Hopefully it isn't too much like it, at least for those who care enough to read it.
Thanks to YOU for doing just that.
I always appreciate your comments.
~Dean :}

Comment from GE Parson

Excellent

Brother Dean,
I've been away from my computer for a while, and I have over 40 messages. So this is going to be a quick "Hey great write!
God bless Jerry

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

My response will be quick as well...
Thank you for your comments. ~Dean

Comment from doggymad

Excellent

Very interesting Dean. Your description of popping and crackling sounds as people burning were fairly gross.

There is however, plenty of humour to offset this.

Charlie sounds like a lovely chap who has a long creepy night ahead.

Great work my friend

hugs
Freda

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Thank you, Freda. I didn't want the story to be overtly violent or bloody, but to convey more of a sense of dread than anything else.
Hopefully I've succeeded in doing so.
Thank you for your comments. ~Dean

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Excellent point about how many stores and firms exploit part-time workers only at holiday times, Dean.

'crackly crunch--crispy critters for Christmas' - great fun alliterated dark humour.

Top imagery throughout from the eyes of this bitter worker who has no choice but to do the hard work and unsociable hours.

Shame about the kids - that'll teach the greedy spoilt little so n sos. Haha.

I thought you'd forgotten the horror aspect til the spooky mannequins came to life.

Top read!

Best wishes, Ray.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Thanks, Ray. It's flash fiction so I was tryin' to save all the scares up until the very end. I didn't really want readers to know where the story was going until then. So far, so good on that particular aspect.
Thanks for checking this story out, I know you don't read prose all that much so I feel doubly grateful when you decide to read one of my stories.
Much obliged, mate.
~Dean :)

Comment from Christof McTarnahan

Exceptional

Top notch, my friend.I especially like the creepshow - esqe liner notes at the end. I was thoroughly entertained.Keep 'em scared D'nuts.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Hahaha, I figured you would pick up on that monologue if anyone did, 'Sak, heh-heh. I'm tryin' to keep the scares--and the book it is included in--afloat.
Thanks for checkin' this out, and for the exceptionally generous rating too. I always appreciate getting your feedback, and your comments here are certainly a morale booster. I was beginning to wonder if anyone was really reading it or not, LOL.
Thanks again, buddy.
~D'Nutz

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

I guess Charlie's gonna get when he investigates those Christmas crackers. So in the end this festive season is gonna be a case of Munchausen's Christmas by proxy. Lol. Happy Christmas Dean.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Hahaha, good, Jim...very good, lol.

Thanks for checking out my latest Tiny Tale of Terror, and for your clever comments. I can always use a good laugh, buddy.
~Dean :}

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

Now this is what I call real horror
with people being burned alive or
choked by fumes - zombies and werewolves
are more fantasy - you certainly have
a way with words, my man - you should
be out there making a fortune with your
talent - so many people follow horror.




See, some say they've heard screams echoing in the night(,) coming from the


Margaret

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

Thank you for reading, pointing out my mistake in punctuation, and for your very kind and complimentary comments, Margaret. I do make a decent living selling my horror stories and dark poetry to various different publishing houses, e-zines and the like. I'm not as successful as Stephen King, but I'm trying, lol.
Thanks again!
~Dean ;)

reply by Margaret Snowdon on 07-Dec-2015

I've faith - you'll get there. Some of Stephen Kings work is really weird these days- my Colin used to read all his books, but has given up on him. Years ago I used to read them too since they were at hand - I'd read anything and everything back then - I can't keep my eyes open to read for long periods now - I tend to strain them on screen.

reply by the author on 07-Dec-2015

I know what you mean about reading, Margaret. While I can see just fine with my reading glasses on, it makes me very sleepy. I'll get a chapter, perhaps two done, then pass out cold, LOL.
I won't give up, believe you me. I'll just keep bangin' away at it--day after day--until I get it right.

~Dean ;}