We Will Dance
When There Is That...Connection.56 total reviews
Comment from Hitcher
Hello Buddy, nice to see your name in my message box : ) I thoroughly enjoyed your quite unexpected offering. It aches for what once was (love) and hopes for it to return in all its beauty.
I want to hold you close to me (as we) slow dance in the rain, I stumbled a bit here mate, maybe Replace (as we) with... and - just a thought
You seem to have 14 syllables on each line except that line and your last line, not sure if that was intentional mate? Always a pleasure reading you and yours Curt, hope you have been well and keeping out of mischief, ha ha ?
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Hello Buddy, nice to see your name in my message box : ) I thoroughly enjoyed your quite unexpected offering. It aches for what once was (love) and hopes for it to return in all its beauty.
I want to hold you close to me (as we) slow dance in the rain, I stumbled a bit here mate, maybe Replace (as we) with... and - just a thought
You seem to have 14 syllables on each line except that line and your last line, not sure if that was intentional mate? Always a pleasure reading you and yours Curt, hope you have been well and keeping out of mischief, ha ha ?
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thanks my friend,
I did edit that line for flow, seems a lot of tripping was going on there. I went out with this woman and things are going well, but she is so afraid because of past relationships. I'm trying to get the message through, hope it works!
Thanks buddy, always good to hear from you, I see you have one at the top of the charts, I HAVE to give it a peek.
Me? Mischief? Perish the thought! (lol)
Curt
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Hey, I didn't say mischief was a bad thing ha ha. I like a bit of mischief myself every now and again : ) I hope this lady comes around gives you both a chance. We all deserve to be happy and have someone to share our lives with, everyone of us!!
Comment from Hitcher
Hello Buddy, nice to see your name in my message box : ) I thoroughly enjoyed your quite unexpected offering. It aches for what once was (love) and hopes for it to return in all its beauty.
I want to hold you close to me (as we) slow dance in the rain, I stumbled a bit here mate, maybe Replace (as we) with... and - just a thought
You seem to have 14 syllables on each line except that line and your last line, not sure if that was intentional mate? Always a pleasure reading you and yours Curt, hope you have been well and keeping out of mischief, ha ha ?
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Hello Buddy, nice to see your name in my message box : ) I thoroughly enjoyed your quite unexpected offering. It aches for what once was (love) and hopes for it to return in all its beauty.
I want to hold you close to me (as we) slow dance in the rain, I stumbled a bit here mate, maybe Replace (as we) with... and - just a thought
You seem to have 14 syllables on each line except that line and your last line, not sure if that was intentional mate? Always a pleasure reading you and yours Curt, hope you have been well and keeping out of mischief, ha ha ?
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Doubled up! :)
Curt
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, Curt. I'll tell you what others have told me recently when you tell them that a particular poem 'Just popped out quite unexpectedly'.
That's most often when you write your best poetry or prose, whatever your inclination for writing might be.
Unedited, unplanned and unrehearsed.
I will tell you this much. This is tender, melancholy and sweet.
One of the best poems I have read from you.
So...there ya go.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Well, Curt. I'll tell you what others have told me recently when you tell them that a particular poem 'Just popped out quite unexpectedly'.
That's most often when you write your best poetry or prose, whatever your inclination for writing might be.
Unedited, unplanned and unrehearsed.
I will tell you this much. This is tender, melancholy and sweet.
One of the best poems I have read from you.
So...there ya go.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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From you Dean, I take that as very high praise, and I sincerely appreciate it.
When a woman stirs a poet's soul...
Curt
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"...he writes about her to feel whole."
My pleasure.
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Get out of my head... :)
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I'm OSCAR MIKE...
that's Marine Corps speak for "I'm on the move..."
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Roger that, Charlie Mike, over and out.
(Air Force)
Comment from angel123
Your poem's message speaks beautifully about a love connection. Yes! it's beautiful when it's right. Your poem is well-written and it flows and rhymes well. I enjoyed reading it and I would have loved to see an artwork choice. Your last stanza is great.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Your poem's message speaks beautifully about a love connection. Yes! it's beautiful when it's right. Your poem is well-written and it flows and rhymes well. I enjoyed reading it and I would have loved to see an artwork choice. Your last stanza is great.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you so much for your generous gift of stars and for your comments. Both are very much appreciated.
Curt
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a good romance poem.'
Well written, good flow and rhythm, well rhymed.
Well done for something that 'popped out quite unexpectedly'.
Sharon
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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This is a good romance poem.'
Well written, good flow and rhythm, well rhymed.
Well done for something that 'popped out quite unexpectedly'.
Sharon
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you Sharon,
I'm told that poets write best when inspired.
And yes, I was inspired.
Thank you once again,
Curt
Comment from apky
For something that simply popped out of you, this poem is absolutely superb. The rhyme, the flow, the metre - the lot. All for the fortunate creature you wish to dance with in the rain.
You touch me with your laughter and I want to take your pain,
I want to hold you close to me as we slow dance in the rain,
I want to know your secret dreams, I want to dry your tears,
I want to have you by my side and put to rest your fears.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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For something that simply popped out of you, this poem is absolutely superb. The rhyme, the flow, the metre - the lot. All for the fortunate creature you wish to dance with in the rain.
You touch me with your laughter and I want to take your pain,
I want to hold you close to me as we slow dance in the rain,
I want to know your secret dreams, I want to dry your tears,
I want to have you by my side and put to rest your fears.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you!
Curt
Comment from rama devi
Warm welcome back! 'm pleased to see a few older timers returning after a long break. This is well done, Curt. Great rhythmic flow with the ong lines, but this one has awkward scansion read aloud:
I want to hold you close to me as we slow dance in the rain,
Fine rhymes and great slant rhyme with breathe and believe. Musical. Fine phonetics and poetic devices. Potent emotional expressiveness.
I stumbled on some of your punctuation choices, though. And there are a couple of typos too. Here are some suggestions:
*
She holds the pain so close that sometimes it's too hard to breathe,(;)
the past has cast a shadow(,) and it's so hard to believe,(no ,)
that anyone could make her feel the spark that starts the flame,(--)
that part of her that's so unsure. i(I)s it real or just a game?
*
You touch me with your laughter(,) and I want to take your pain,
*
I'm waiting for a sign from you that says you want the chance,(no ,)
to live, to feel, to love, be real, and together, we will dance.
Nice closing note!
Bravo
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Warm welcome back! 'm pleased to see a few older timers returning after a long break. This is well done, Curt. Great rhythmic flow with the ong lines, but this one has awkward scansion read aloud:
I want to hold you close to me as we slow dance in the rain,
Fine rhymes and great slant rhyme with breathe and believe. Musical. Fine phonetics and poetic devices. Potent emotional expressiveness.
I stumbled on some of your punctuation choices, though. And there are a couple of typos too. Here are some suggestions:
*
She holds the pain so close that sometimes it's too hard to breathe,(;)
the past has cast a shadow(,) and it's so hard to believe,(no ,)
that anyone could make her feel the spark that starts the flame,(--)
that part of her that's so unsure. i(I)s it real or just a game?
*
You touch me with your laughter(,) and I want to take your pain,
*
I'm waiting for a sign from you that says you want the chance,(no ,)
to live, to feel, to love, be real, and together, we will dance.
Nice closing note!
Bravo
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you rama,
It's good to be back writing again, my muse took a vacation, and a long one, but it's starting to rain down words in my head again.
As always, your expertise in punctuation is welcome, I will do some final editing when done with reviews.
Thanks again, good to hear from you!
Curt
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Welcome back to your muse! :-)))))
Yay!
Warmly, rd
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a sublime love poem, Curt. You've touched on all the thoughts and emotions of one you want to be near. Your metre is good and rhymes and how cool to read it just popped out unexpectedly.
I really like this love poem. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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This is a sublime love poem, Curt. You've touched on all the thoughts and emotions of one you want to be near. Your metre is good and rhymes and how cool to read it just popped out unexpectedly.
I really like this love poem. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you Gloria,
It did just pop out, took me less than 30 minutes, it was a flood from my muse!
so glad you enjoyed my scribbles,
Curt
Comment from GracieAnn
CM,
This is an engaging write with its aabb and so forth rhyming scheme. It strongly describes the capture heart. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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CM,
This is an engaging write with its aabb and so forth rhyming scheme. It strongly describes the capture heart. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thanks!
Curt
Comment from DonandVicki
A sonnet that flows so very smoothly. Most sonnets are hard to read let alone understand but your's, rhyme and all, flows and touches the heart. Don and Vicki.
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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A sonnet that flows so very smoothly. Most sonnets are hard to read let alone understand but your's, rhyme and all, flows and touches the heart. Don and Vicki.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
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Thank you both so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Curt
