An Invitation
inspired by a writing prompt68 total reviews
Comment from Warren Rodgers
I really enjoyed the original idea for this poem and the beautiful way you described all the wonders we enjoy here on earth. This is a great way of reminding us of all we have been given and all we must take better care of if our children are to enjoy it too! Thank you, your poem was excellent! Best regards, Warren
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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I really enjoyed the original idea for this poem and the beautiful way you described all the wonders we enjoy here on earth. This is a great way of reminding us of all we have been given and all we must take better care of if our children are to enjoy it too! Thank you, your poem was excellent! Best regards, Warren
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Warren Rogers, thank you once again for stopping by to read and review my work. You are appreciated very much..jls
Comment from grassroots08
This is an interesting piece?!? I thought it was well constructed and I see the whole point you made. " Dear God: If Heaven is half what Earth is for now, in all of its seven wonders, then I'll take earth thank you very much. Your once devoted patron. I know you won't disappoint me. " LOL Cheers, Don
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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This is an interesting piece?!? I thought it was well constructed and I see the whole point you made. " Dear God: If Heaven is half what Earth is for now, in all of its seven wonders, then I'll take earth thank you very much. Your once devoted patron. I know you won't disappoint me. " LOL Cheers, Don
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Don, thank you sir, thank you...a six coming from you makes my head spin..again thank you so much..now you go take on the day!!!jimi
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You are very welcome. Cheers, Don
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I do love your descriptions of the beauty and experiences we have here on Earth. Your words paint a beautiful picture of nature and everyday occurances, that lures the reader's mind to stand beside you and observe.
God seemed to like His creation too. ...and God saw that it was good...!'
I love the rhythm and rhyme of the poem.
Juliette
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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I do love your descriptions of the beauty and experiences we have here on Earth. Your words paint a beautiful picture of nature and everyday occurances, that lures the reader's mind to stand beside you and observe.
God seemed to like His creation too. ...and God saw that it was good...!'
I love the rhythm and rhyme of the poem.
Juliette
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Juliette Chamberlain, thank you so very very much. I am thrilled you enjoyed the poem..jlsavell
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Thanks for letting me know you cleaned up spag!
Bravo for a great write.
First review (FOUR stars)
An excellent exploration of you chosen theme. The timing is superb and the rhyming as well. However, the punctuaiton is a bit odd in places (especially with your use of semicolons) and I think there is room for fine tuning and subtle improvements, thus four stars---but I am happy to upgrade after edits, as you know!
The content is rich with detail and the tapestry of life. Very creative, clever and finely phrased. Highly enjoyable.
Spag notes-
*I would ask first," Do you have chocolate Hershey Kisses;
and cats of all colors that playfully hisses?
*Do you have mountains of striking splendor that reach to the skies,
which harbor the mighty winged Eagle who soars and flies?(;)
(m)Majestic waterfalls that begin at Zenith's crest;
as they meander down its shoulders in rushing zest?
*Can you hear dazzling grandiose glaciers break with a boom;(,)
or the lone feral wolf baying at the gleaming moon?
Can you see the caramel sunrise in morning's hued grace;(,)
or the lambent glow of moonlight in your heavenly place?
*Do you have music,()soft music, that soothes the savage soul;(,)
like Beethoven or Mozart, your genius they extol?
Note() symbol means ADD SPACE there.
Also, the above line sounds forced because of inverted grammar.
How about children chasing red kites bellowing in the wind;(,)
laughing as kites' colorful tails would climb and descend?
*Oh God, I could inquire so much more you see,
but just a few more that are important to me(;)
Tell me, though the world has gone madly adrift;(,)
why do you graciously bestow man these gifts?
*For all of mankind's pleasures cannot be refined(.)
*So really, you have put Earth's paradise into mankind's heart;
though pain, death, and suffering are greatly a part(.)
So I ask, may your will be done on Earth as in Heaven(.)
Thank you, I'd like to stay here, that's my decision."
Please note---Some of these nits are mistakes, others are more optional and my suggestions are merely for your consideration. It is not necessary that you make all the suggested revisions before I would upgrade. I hope this proves helpful! Such a fine poem! Would love to see it polished.
Loved these lines, most striking--
or chameleon lizards that wear nature's style?
Do you have plains of ochre yellow that gambol with the wind;
or valleys so lush with the greens of nature's blend?
Do you have the white tail deer that stands quietly by the tree,
beyond the white rapids of a rivers rolling spree?
Kudos for this amazing work!
Love, rd
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Second review
Thanks for letting me know you cleaned up spag!
Bravo for a great write.
First review (FOUR stars)
An excellent exploration of you chosen theme. The timing is superb and the rhyming as well. However, the punctuaiton is a bit odd in places (especially with your use of semicolons) and I think there is room for fine tuning and subtle improvements, thus four stars---but I am happy to upgrade after edits, as you know!
The content is rich with detail and the tapestry of life. Very creative, clever and finely phrased. Highly enjoyable.
Spag notes-
*I would ask first," Do you have chocolate Hershey Kisses;
and cats of all colors that playfully hisses?
*Do you have mountains of striking splendor that reach to the skies,
which harbor the mighty winged Eagle who soars and flies?(;)
(m)Majestic waterfalls that begin at Zenith's crest;
as they meander down its shoulders in rushing zest?
*Can you hear dazzling grandiose glaciers break with a boom;(,)
or the lone feral wolf baying at the gleaming moon?
Can you see the caramel sunrise in morning's hued grace;(,)
or the lambent glow of moonlight in your heavenly place?
*Do you have music,()soft music, that soothes the savage soul;(,)
like Beethoven or Mozart, your genius they extol?
Note() symbol means ADD SPACE there.
Also, the above line sounds forced because of inverted grammar.
How about children chasing red kites bellowing in the wind;(,)
laughing as kites' colorful tails would climb and descend?
*Oh God, I could inquire so much more you see,
but just a few more that are important to me(;)
Tell me, though the world has gone madly adrift;(,)
why do you graciously bestow man these gifts?
*For all of mankind's pleasures cannot be refined(.)
*So really, you have put Earth's paradise into mankind's heart;
though pain, death, and suffering are greatly a part(.)
So I ask, may your will be done on Earth as in Heaven(.)
Thank you, I'd like to stay here, that's my decision."
Please note---Some of these nits are mistakes, others are more optional and my suggestions are merely for your consideration. It is not necessary that you make all the suggested revisions before I would upgrade. I hope this proves helpful! Such a fine poem! Would love to see it polished.
Loved these lines, most striking--
or chameleon lizards that wear nature's style?
Do you have plains of ochre yellow that gambol with the wind;
or valleys so lush with the greens of nature's blend?
Do you have the white tail deer that stands quietly by the tree,
beyond the white rapids of a rivers rolling spree?
Kudos for this amazing work!
Love, rd
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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rama devi, thank you so very much for stopping by. I did not realize I had so many typos..I attempted to correct them. Again thank you so very much..I always appreciate you and the time you take with each and every review..jlsavell
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
It really would be wonderful if all the good things on Earth could be baptized and perfected, without the sting of death attached, and we could continue to enjoy it. I wonder if that's what Robert had in mind when he wrote in "Birches": "Earth's the right place for love: I don't know where it's likely to go better." Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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It really would be wonderful if all the good things on Earth could be baptized and perfected, without the sting of death attached, and we could continue to enjoy it. I wonder if that's what Robert had in mind when he wrote in "Birches": "Earth's the right place for love: I don't know where it's likely to go better." Best regards, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Jeanie Mercer, once again thank you so very very much. I am honored that you visited me again..I am thrilled you enjoyed my poem...jls
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
WOW! JImi, that was an amazing masterpiece and I absolutely loved the descriptive language, all encompassing items and the unusual twist at the end. Great work, Loyd
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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WOW! JImi, that was an amazing masterpiece and I absolutely loved the descriptive language, all encompassing items and the unusual twist at the end. Great work, Loyd
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Loyd, oh goodness..I do not know what to say. I am speechless. I am thrilled you enjoyed this piece so much.. absolutely overjoyed. again thank you..now you go take on the day!! ...jimi
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Jimi, you did great lady! Loyd
Comment from honeytree
The words written are brilliant, creative and loving ones of our earth, and the beauty our earth has and of course our families. I loved the very descriptive words of all the positives earth has and wonder if heaven has the same?
I guess it is a matter of faith but as humans we may be frightened of new beginnings, as we have been happy on earth.
Should we question this?
Great writing
Honeytree.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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The words written are brilliant, creative and loving ones of our earth, and the beauty our earth has and of course our families. I loved the very descriptive words of all the positives earth has and wonder if heaven has the same?
I guess it is a matter of faith but as humans we may be frightened of new beginnings, as we have been happy on earth.
Should we question this?
Great writing
Honeytree.
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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honeytree, once again thank you so very very much.. jls
Comment from tati
Do you have music,soft music, that soothes the savage soul;
like Beethoven or Mozart, your genius they extol?
You're truly a gifted writer, J. I admire your imagination, your choice of words and your lovely way to convince people that earth has many wonderful things as it is in heaven. I especially like the above lines, with an addendum, not only Beethoven and Mozart, but also Bach, Tschaikovsky and Edvard Grieg, my favorite composers. LOL.
Thank you for sharing your fabulous "Invitation", J, Warmest wishes,
tati, May 31, 2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Do you have music,soft music, that soothes the savage soul;
like Beethoven or Mozart, your genius they extol?
You're truly a gifted writer, J. I admire your imagination, your choice of words and your lovely way to convince people that earth has many wonderful things as it is in heaven. I especially like the above lines, with an addendum, not only Beethoven and Mozart, but also Bach, Tschaikovsky and Edvard Grieg, my favorite composers. LOL.
Thank you for sharing your fabulous "Invitation", J, Warmest wishes,
tati, May 31, 2010
Comment Written 31-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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tati, thank you so very much for such a wonderful review and an equally wonderful compliment. You are right about the composers..they are just a testament to God's brilliant design of mankind.. again thank you so much..jls
Comment from Leigh Ann
I love the flow of this poem. The ryhme scheme is also fantastic. Its great to be able to enjoy the wonderful treasures God has give us here on earth. It's ashamed though how we have treated the natural resources He left us stewardship over. Love the imagery. Great work. Leigh Ann
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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I love the flow of this poem. The ryhme scheme is also fantastic. Its great to be able to enjoy the wonderful treasures God has give us here on earth. It's ashamed though how we have treated the natural resources He left us stewardship over. Love the imagery. Great work. Leigh Ann
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Leigh Ann, thank you so very much for stopping by to read nad review my poetry. I am thrilled you enjoyed it...jls
Comment from Poetic Friend
Jimi, I am so glad you returned. I miss your writing so much and always look forward to your next post
With enriched and visual word choice, you have offered food for tithought. Your appreication for spiruality, nature and mankind shines brightly in thised poem. I am awestruck by every stanza.
Simply outstanding, my friend.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Jimi, I am so glad you returned. I miss your writing so much and always look forward to your next post
With enriched and visual word choice, you have offered food for tithought. Your appreication for spiruality, nature and mankind shines brightly in thised poem. I am awestruck by every stanza.
Simply outstanding, my friend.
Comment Written 30-May-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2010
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Poetic Friend, you always leave me speechless. I am always truly humbled by your reviews and by your loyal support of my work. I appreciate you so much..now you go take on the day...jimi